Ah, the summer movie season… a time for giant big head posters, eight character poster sets and every once in a while, an iconic image or two. My love for movie posters is well documented (HERE, HEREAND HERE), and that love ramps up to 11 come summer time. This is the one time of year when marketing is the main agenda of Hollywood. It doesn’t matter if the movie sucks, just get the people into the theater. And the only way to do that is with a slick trailer and an eye-catching poster. Drive down any street right now and you’ll probably be flooded with movie posters, promoting Da Vinci Code or MI:3, or maybe a few smaller films like Hoot and Over the Hedge. Get used to the flood, because it’s not going away. Over the course of the next three and a half months over 75 major movies will be released, and all will be vying for your attention and your money.
The major blockbusters of the season rarely get the best looking posters because you’re gonna go the movie regardless of what Tom Hanks’ ugly hair looks like. Movies likes Superman, X-Men 3, Pirates of the Caribbean, Da Vinci Code and MI:3 sell because they are a brand, they have big money behind them and they all have kick ass trailers. So with the top five films of the summer taken care of, how do you rank the bottom 70? I say judge by the quality of the poster. You can tell how good a studio thinks their movie is by the quality of the poster. Crappy films get ugly big head posters, good movies get an average looking one sheet, and great films have a unique look that makes you automatically think “cool”.
So for this poster review I’m going to ignore the blockbusters and focus on the summer movie B-Team in an attempt to find which smaller films will be the hidden gems of the summer. I picked 14 midrange summer films and graded their potential worthiness based on the awesomeness (or lack there of it) of their poster. Let’s see how they did…
Talladega Nights
I have this theory that you can tell how much Will Ferrell likes the movie he’s in based on how funny his facial expression on the poster is. Check out the Anchorman poster, with that smug smirk sitting behind his glorious mustache, he knows his movie kicks ass (It’s also a look that says: “I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back. I want to be on you.”). Now check out the Bewitched poster, he looks constipated. And he knows how shrewish Nicole was on set, and frankly, he looks mortified about the whole affair; like he’s thinking about calling Lorne Michaels and begging for his old job back. And now Talladega Nights. That’s a look that says: “I play a guy named Ricky Bobby. You know that’s funny. And I’m playing an idiot, and I’m the best in the business and playing dumb. Even Chris Klein doesn’t have me beat. John C. Reilly’s my co-star, oh yeah. You like that? Well guess what else, I love wonder bread. Time to smile.‿ Suffice it to say, that look speaks the truth.
Grade: B+
My Super Ex Girlfriend
Is it me, or does Uma Thurman look beat? Like she’s been packed hard and laid down wet. Like at one time she was this fresh faced ingénue with miles of potential and stunning ethereal beauty, but then she shacked up with Ethan Hawke and got in bed with Quentin Tarantino and now she’s kinda regretting all those long nights on the set of Kill Bill watching bad kung fu movies for inspiration? I usually dig her something fierce, but I don’t know, something’s just not right here. And if there’s one gimmick I hate about movie posters it’s that awful Photoshop trick where you have two completely separate elements and try to make it look like you shot the picture with them both in it. At no time does this poster look real. And for the sake of space, we’ll just ignore for now how unappealing Luke Wilson looks. But I will say this, when the tag line on your poster reads “He broke her heart. She broke his everything.”, you might want to consider making Luke look a little more put out. Because that’s the cleanest I’ve ever seen him look. What did Uma do? Make him sit through Prime?
Grade: C-
Pulse
A sweet, sweet poster. Now this is a gimmick I can get behind. I know they probably did the whole thing in Photoshop, and that probably isn’t even star Kristen Bell in the shot there, but damn, I don’t even want to think about what that cover shoot was like. Hands lying everywhere, some poor Central Casting photo double lying under a bunch of dudes who are bored, pissed off and hot under the lights. I’m thinking they got a little gropey and mean. If this whole affair doesn’t creep you out, I don’t know what will. A perfect horror movie poster. I can’t wait to let The Lady go see this without me.
Grade: A
The Omen
Don’t you get the feeling like they’re trying too hard with this one? Isn’t a creepy kid enough for The Omen (a movie about a creepy kid)? Do we really need all the fog and the weird, spooky forest and the creaky swing and the evil dog? It’s a bit of an overkill. Like, I GET IT, the movie is scary. So what? All I get from this poster is another reason to not want kids for a long, long time. Basically, The Omen poster is a perfect advertisement for birth control. Which, now that I think about it, makes it not have bad.
Grade: D (But a solid “B” if it buys me some time from The Lady)
The Lake House
Alright, let’s just get this out of the way. I’m seeing this movie no matter what the poster, trailer and reviews are like. If you put Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves in a movie together, I will go. I don’t care if they’re remaking Casablanca and Keanu is pulling a Bogey, I’ll be there. I don’t care if they’re remaking Speed, but this time Keanu is the plucky bus driver and Sandra is the gung ho SWAT guy, they got my money. Now, that being said, what the hell is happening here? The Lake House is the only romantic drama of the summer; it has the whole season to itself. If they can manage not to trip over themselves, the movie will gross $80 Million without blinking. But this is a step in the wrong direction. Why put Keanu in black and white? He looks a corpse posing at a bad angle. And this may just be me, but if you call your movie The Lake House, you might want to consider putting a lake house on the poster. Or maybe a speeding bus, just for old times sake. Just a thought.
Grade: C
Just My Luck
From one “boy meets girl” gimmick movie to another, this time with even more disastrous results. How could any art director ever approve this poster? I wouldn’t wish this poster on my least favorite Police Academy sequel. Lohan looks like a rat, the guy is non one I care about and it tells me nothing of what the movie is about. Also, Lohan tried the winking thing on a poster before and it didn’t work all that well then, so why bring it back now? This is exactly what I was talking about when I said that studios show their level of commitment to a movie by the quality of the poster they give it. I think it’s safe to say that Fox hates Just My Luck. And you will too (Trust me, I’ve seen it already.)
Grade: D
The Devil Wears Prada
An average poster, with a mildly interesting concept, but it seems way too much like a teaser poster. I would bet the final official poster is a traditional “big head” poster of a doe-eyed Anne Hathaway and en evil looking Meryl Streep. This one does tell you what you need to know about the movie, though it fails to spark any interest in me. If they really want to cross over and get the men, all they really have to do is put Anne Hathaway front and center, and in something revealing. We’ve seen the girls twice in the last year and we’re still hungry for more. You want guys to come see a movie about Meryl Streep and the fashion world? Then compromise and show us the little Anne’s.
Grade: C
Nacho Libre
NACHOOOOOOOOOO! How could anyone night like this poster? If seeing a pudgy Jack Black in spandex tights, a cape, a curly white guy fro and a cheesy mustache doesn’t make you at least smile, then you have absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever. Black is another actor who tends to have great posters for his good movies and terrible posters for his crappy movies. Based on the evidence here, I’d say we have a hit on our hands. And maybe even a potential nominee for poster of the year.
Grade: A+
Click
Boring. That’s the best way to describe it. It looks like bad DVD cover art. I know that Adam Sandler doesn’t need a good poster to sell his movies (Lord knows he’s had some bad ones in the past: HERE, HERE and HERE), but couldn’t he at least try. That Anger Management poster with him and Jack screaming at each other was brilliant and probably gave the film a $5 million dollar boost in box office. But here, I got nothing to like. And besides, one of the cardinal rules in movie posters is never to center a gimmick on us having to read anything, especially if it’s written in small print. I know this movie is about a magical remote control, but I don’t need to read the buttons to get the point. Couldn’t they have come up with something better? You’re telling me that you have a movie about a remote that can control your life, co-starring hottie Kate Beckinsale and the ever-awesome Christopher Walken and your best poster idea was a giant mug shot of Adam Sandler? To quote Sandler from back in his SNL days: “Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?”
Grade: D
Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
I guess I should appreciate that the poster seems more like an international one sheet and less like a boring domestic one. And I get that they need to play up the hot cars and play down the fact that the stars of the franchise keep refusing to come back. But as a whole, I’m a bit underwhelmed. The first two flicks grossed more than $300 Million domestic, so why is Universal so scared of this one? Don’t they get that the cars sell the movie and not Paul Walker? They could put Gilbert Gottfried behind one of those cars and still have a $20 Million opening weekend. I’m going to assume this is also just a teaser and wait to see what else they come up with, because this is not the right way to go.
Grade: B-
World Trade Center
This one’s tough, because on the one hand putting the towers in any form of advertisement is just a reminder that they aren’t there anymore. But on the other hand, it really is a breathtaking image. The sky is gorgeous, the towers are given the right amount of respect and the two cops walking between them is a wonderful, ominous image. I like this poster, though I don’t know yet where I stand on the movie itself. But I will say this, I’m glad the posters have been good for the two 9/11 movies. The United 93 poster, with the plane flying through the crown of the statue of liberty is both inspired and symbolic. I get the feeling that neither one of the 9/11 movies are cheap or exploitative. The posters have been respectful, restrained and hauntingly beautiful. Let’s hope the movies follow suit. But then again, World Trade Center is an Oliver Stone movie starring Nic Cage, so I wouldn’t really count on it.
Grade: A
Ant Bully
What is this? A movie for ants? (Sorry, bad Zoolander joke.)
This is a great poster because the concept is utterly ludicrous. You can’t smush an ant (trust me, I was a little boy once, I’ve tried). They move to darn fast to catch them, and if you do try and bust a squish they just side step you and start climbing up your hand. So now you’re trying to shake it off, but ants have arms like glue so they hold on and now you’re in public and flailing around like an idiot because you were dumb enough to try and stomp an ant. Ants are evil. Always making me look like a fool. Oh, I’ll get them all. One little bugger at a time.
Grade: B+
Cars
If there’s one thing you can always count on in Hollywood, it’s that Pixar will put out a good movie. You may not always like the concept. You may not always be wowed by the trailers. But the movie will always be good. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself every time I look at this poster. It’s not that it isn’t cool, because it is. It’s just, well, it’s about cars. Cars aren’t cute like fish, and they don’t make you feel like a kid again like toys and they’re not as foreign and interesting as bugs and they’re not as special as superheroes. They’re hard to get behind, is what I’m saying. I trust the Pixar gang to give me a good time, but I’m weary. And despite how intricate this poster is, I don’t fully support the cluster approach. Whenever a movie isn’t sure of it’s merits, it clutters it’s poster with everything it can think of, as if a shock and awe campaign would sway to you come see it (Or sway you to ignore that truly awful teaser trailer they put out last year). Like I said, I trust Pixar more than any other group in the business; but I have my doubts, about the movie and about this poster.
Grade: C+
The Break Up
Now this is how you do a romantic comedy movie poster. There are so many levels working here, and all of them are good. The tape down the center, dividing the room in two is a classic bad roommate hook. Anyone who ever hated their roommate or a sibling they shared a room with can relate to that. You have Jennifer Aniston looking tousled and cute (extending her streak of looking good on movie posters), and rocking that annoyed look, one I’m sure she gave Brad quite a bit of while he was shooting Mr. and Mrs. Smith. And you have Vince Vaughn, normally so gregarious and confident, hiding under the pillows. You know they’re getting together in the end, but this poster makes you want to see how they do it. One simple movie poster makes you temporarily forget that Aniston just won’t go away with her personal life, and makes you actually want to see her onscreen. If that isn’t the very definition of a good one sheet, than I don’t know what is.
Grade: A
Overall, a fine crop of B-team movie posters. I get the feeling that no matter how the big guns end up this summer, that there at least a handful of smaller films that everyone can get behind. And if this crop of quality movie posters is any indication, we’re in for a great year of movie art. I can’t wait to see Hollywood top this in the fall.
Bangarang!
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