Do You Speak Vince Vaughnese?

Vince Vaughn is arguably the most quotable actor in movie history (with Val Kilmer coming in a close second). In only ten years and fifteen movies (I discount his dramatic movies because, like Rocky 5, they were all a dream and never really happened; especially Domestic Disturbance), he has established himself as the go to star for kick-ass cultural-swinging dialogue. From “You’re so money” to “Earmuffs” to “Lock it up!”, his lines have changed the way we converse, the way we think and the way we speak. He has reached the point in his career where his every line of dialogue is a laugh waiting to happen. Vaughn has garnered such tremendous audience goodwill that as soon as he opens his mouth we are waiting to love what he has to say. No matter if he’s playing a scoundrel (which he was in Wedding Crashers) or a lovable loser (Dodgeball) or even an assassin (Mr. and Mrs. Smith), we cannot help but root for him. When Vince Vaughn speaks, we listen, and we love every word.

It’s almost as if he’s created a new language, one defined by witty quips and cutting rejoinders. Think about this for a second, if you had to create a new language, one that would be accepted across the globe and universally recognized, what would it be? It would be movie quotes. Everyone loves them, there isn’t a person alive that hasn’t adopted a movie line into their own speech (Mine is “You’re killing me Smalls”, and if you don’t know where that’s from than I suggest you press the little red “X” at the top of the window, because you don’t belong here.), and if everyone started talking in movie quotes, the world would be a funnier, more dramatic and more romantic place to live.

Like the English language deriving mostly from Latin, our new movie quote language has to start somewhere. If I were to choose, I would want our Latin to be Vince Vaughn. He’s the only actor alive whose quotes can be used for all spectrums of speech, and are widely recognized as some of the funniest, smartest and coolest in movie history. His quotes would and should be the basis for our new language. Let’s take a look at how we will develop our new movie quote language, Vince Vaughnese.

Most people think his quotes are primarily about scoring chicks, and that’s almost fair. After all, he is the man that brought us these gems:

Vince Vaughn On: Honesty (Swingers)

“There’s nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you’re money and that you want to party.”

Vince Vaughn On: Playing The Odds (Old School)

“Well why don’t you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.”

Vince Vaughn On: Getting Lucky (Dodgeball)

VV: “There’s someone out there for everybody.”

Owen: “You think?”

VV: “Absolutely. In some cases, there’s two somebody’s for one person. I like to call that “the jackpot”.”

But look past his “Trent from Swingers” personality and you’ll see that the man is a treasure trove for lines about how the world could be made into a better place to live. Take for instance his stance on some of the major social and political problems plaguing the world today.

Vince Vaughn On: Gun Control (Swingers)

“People get carjacked.”

VV: “Who’s gonna carjack your fuckin’ K-Car? He’s right Sue you don’t need to carry a gat!”

Vince Vaughn On: Breaking Stereotypes (Wedding Crashers)

Owen Wilson: “Don’t waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper.”

VV: “Yeah? Well, the proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me.”

Vince Vaughn On: Exploration (Old School)

“Well, Columbus wasn’t looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone.”

Vince Vaughn On: Spirituality (Wedding Crashers)

VV: “Do you know what that awareness is, Gloria?”

Gloria Cleary: “What?”

VV: “That we’re all one. That separateness is an illusion, and that I’m one with everyone – with the Prime Minister of England, and my cousin Harry, you and me, the fat kid from ‘What’s Happening,’ the Olsen twins, Natalie Portman, the guy who wrote ‘Catcher in the Rye,’ Nat King Cole, Carrot Top, Jay-Z, Weird Al Yankovic, Harry Potter, if he existed, the whore on the street corner, your mother. We’re all one.”

Vince Vaughn On: Acceptance (Be Cool)

“I’m just sayin’ if that’s what this is gonna be, it’s gonna be that.”

Truly, Vince Vaughn is a man who believes in a better world, and our new language should respect his beliefs.

And it’s not just social ills that his quotes can be rallied around. Raising children is an important part of life and Vince is no stranger to Fatherhood. He has spoken out on Family Values on multiple occasions, and those speeches have come to be some of the most influential words of wisdom that this world has ever seen.

Vince Vaughn On: Parenting (Swingers)

“Our baby’s all grown up.”

Vince Vaughn On: Marriage (Old School)

“Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart, Frank. Way to work it through.”

Vince Vaughn On: Bad Language (Old School)

Luke Wilson: “I’ve had a hell of a day and even worse week. And all I want to do is get some fucking sleep.”

VV: “Whoa. Whoa. Why the F-ing? Why in front of the kid? All ya gotta do is say “earmuffs” to him, and you can say anything, “Fuck, shit, bitch.”

Vince Vaughn On: Family Life (Old School)

“I have a wife and kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frank?”

Vince Vaughn On: Having Your Mom’s Back (Anchorman)

Champ Kind: “I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!”

VV: “Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me? Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!”

So we’ve seen that Vince Vaughnese covers Family Life, Socio-political issues and Chicks, but it goes even further still beyond those areas. After doing some research on the subject I have found that Vince’s words can extend to the field of sports:


Vince Vaughn On: Physical Skills (Wedding Crashers)

“You and I both know I’m a phenomenal dancer!”

Vince Vaughn On: Knowing Your Own Skills (Wedding Crashers)

“John, I was first team All-State. I can put the ball anywhere I want to. I’ll make it rain out here.”

Vince Vaughn On: Water Sports (Wedding Crashers)

“Why don’t you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems, jackass. Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What’d you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? [makes sputtering motorboat noise] You motor boating son of a bitch! You old sailor you! Where is she? She still in the house?”

His words can extend to the field of Physical Development:

Vince Vaughn On: Death (Old School)

“Don’t beat yourself up over this, Mitch. It’s not your fault. Dammit, Blue was old. That’s what old people do. They die.”

Vince Vaughn On: Getting Older (Be Cool)

“Nice ass won’t get you through your whole life. Once you turn thirty you better have a personality.”


Vince Vaughn On: Body Art (Wedding Crashers)

“Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.”

And the field of Business:

Vince Vaughn On: The Entertainment Industry (Swingers)

“Everybody steals from everybody, that’s Hollywood.”

Vince Vaughn On: Business Tactics (Old School)

“He’s playing hardball. And I got to admit. I’m impressed.”

Vince Vaughn On: Party Planning (Made)

“Here’s what I’m gonna ask of you… We’re going to be spending the night in New York, so it worked out well for all of us. I want you to take it back to the business class, I want you to round up a couple of honeys… At our hotel room we’re gonna have kind of a pool party. California gangster-style, you know what I mean? Kick ass pool party thing.”

But who are we kidding? The basis of any new language is not how we speak about the challenges we face in our daily lives, but in the way we communicate we each other. The way we talk to our friends; the way we treat other people. Even before the birth of Vince Vaughenese, the traditional English language was adopting his quotes to use as definitions for friendship and communication. You in fact may have used one or two in the past. These quotes were the main arbiter in the birth of Vince’s language, the catalyst for the need of a Vince-specific method of speaking, and most of all, why we think he’s so goddamn funny.

Vince Vaughn On: Helping Friends (Wedding Crashers)

“A friend in need is a pest.”

Vince Vaughn On: Being a Good Wingman (Swingers)

“Look at this, OK? I want you to remember this face. This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.”

Vince Vaughn On: Giving A Friend Some Confidence (Swingers)

“I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s really hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. Okay? You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man, Mikey. You’re a bad man, bad man.”

Vince Vaughn On: Betrayal (Wedding Crashers)

“I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You selfish son of a bitch! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!”

All good languaticians (I just made that word up) know that the specialized words and phrases we make up with our friends are what constitute a real language. Being able to personalize speech and create unique ways of saying ordinary things is what makes a language popular. This is how Vince Vaughnese will truly reach widespread, global popularity. For instance, if you were proud of your friend and wanted to tell him in a cool way how you feel, you could say: “Good job man, way to go. You’re kicking ass.” but that would still be kind of lame. Let’s see that same phrase in Vince Vaughnese:

Vince Vaughn On: Compliments (Swingers)

“You’re so money and you don’t even know it!”

And if you were at a party and somebody asked what you did for a living, you could give some boring answer like “Hi, I’m The Jay, I’m a stock broker”. But c’mon, really, wouldn’t the conversation be so much more fun if you used a Vince Vaughnese-ism, instead?

Vince Vaughn On: Being Who You Are (Clay Pigeons)

“I’m Lester. Lester the uh, molester.”

Moving to the most important part of language, communicating with the opposite sex, we find that this is the area Vince Vaughnese-ism excels at the most. It’s fairly common knowledge that in the last decade Vince has redefined the dating scene and male/female relationships. From changing the time men take to call women (“Six days‿), to what men call women (“beautiful babies”) to even where men go to find women (“All right, all right I’ll ask her. Miss, miss! Do you know where the high school girls hang out around here?”), Vince’s relationship-based movie quotes have established a new set of rules, one’s that will make Vince Vaughnese the linguistic touchstone for which all twenty-something’s will go to pray. Let’s take a lesson from some more of Vince’s views on sex, dating and relationships.

Vince Vaughn On: The Secrets of Flirting (Swingers)

“All I do is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my nose, and I turn out to be a sweetheart.”

Vince Vaughn On: Respecting Women (Made)

“Here’s 50 bucks, take this in case I get drunk and call you a bitch later.”

Vince Vaughn On: Enjoying the Nightlife (Wedding Crashers)

“Go out there and get some strange ass!”

Vince Vaughn On: Getting Over A Breakup (Wedding Crashers)

“She hasn’t answered your calls, she didn’t respond to any of your letters, she didn’t respond to the candygram. God only knows what happened to the kitten you got for her. ‘Cause she didn’t keep it, and I know you’re not raising the goddamn thing. I think it’s very obvious at this juncture that she just flat out does not wanna see you anymore.”

Vince Vaughn On: Obsession (Wedding Crashers)

“I got a stage five. Virgin. Clinger.”

Vince Vaughn On: Dating (Wedding Crashers)

VV: “Janice, I apologize to you if I don’t seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don’t like the feeling. You’re sitting there, you’re wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I’m not really interested, should I play like I’m interested but I’m not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she’s not interested? So all of the sudden I’m getting, I’m starting to get interested… And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it’s awkward, it’s like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you’re trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don’t kiss them at all? It’s very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you’re just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called “just the tip”. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you’re on my hair.”

So now you can see that the language of Vince Vaughnese successfully covers all aspects of life, and if used in conversation can make you smarter, wiser, funnier, more confident and just plain cooler. But let’s ask one final question to determine if Vince Vaughn is truly worthy of naming and conceiving a language around. Does it make you a better person? In English I could describe myself in a multitude of ways, all designed to make me feel better about who I am, and more attractive to other people. Can I do that in Vince Vaughnese? Let’s find out…

Vince Vaughn On: Goals (Dodgeball)

“I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don’t have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya… it feels phenomenal.”

Vince Vaughn On: Discipline (Wedding Crashers)

“Lock it up!”

Vince Vaughn On: Pessimism (Wedding Crashers)

“Please don’t take a turn to negative town.”

Vince Vaughn On: Labels (Wedding Crashers)

“I’m a cocksman!”

Vince Vaughn On: Standing Your Ground (Wedding Crashers)

Owen Wilson: “He lived with his mom till he was forty! She tried to poison his oatmeal!”

VV: “Erroneous! Erroneous! Erroneous on both accounts!”

Vince Vaughn On: Excuses (Wedding Crashers)

“Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!”

I think we can put that question to rest. Truly, the language of Vince Vaughnese can do anything. It can help you find a boyfriend or girlfriend, it can help you raise a family, it can help you live your life smarter and come to accept the course of human events. It can get you laid. It’s the perfect language. In a world where movie quotes are the new social currency, Vince Vaughnese is the Benjamin, the high water mark, the only language you wanna speak. Besides, wouldn’t you rather sound like Vince Vaughn than just about anyone else?

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31 Comments

  1. Brian says:

    Great list man, I just have one to add. VV on the perils of life (Swingers): “I’m gonna make Gretzky’s head bleed for super fan 99 over here.” Love it.

  2. Baloneyman says:

    Good stuff. Only – I hate to be a stickler (no, I don’t), but it’s “Why don’t you go ahead and give me your number, that way if something happens to my wife I can give you a call.”

  3. katherine says:

    very funny list
    i would add the ‘let’s go shoot some birds’
    line from the wedding crashers,though

  4. audrey says:

    Love it…this list definitely solidifies why I’m a VV fanatic. I’m trying to hold back laughter and tears as I read because I’m at work….but one more for the road-LOVE IT!

  5. divinenothing says:

    OMG one of my favorite VV quotes is from Mr. & Mrs. Smith:

    Mom #1: Eddie?
    Eddie: [shouts] Mom! We are on high alert here. I almost killed you right then! You do not even realize!
    Mom #1: [pause] Never mind.

    So much is about his delivery, not even what he’s saying.

    Brilliant.

  6. Vince Vaughn's sordid love child says:

    Wow, I am so glad that someone finally documented all of these great quotes in one place, it reminds me why I am still entertained by the man, the mystery and the legend that is Mr. VV! Oh I totally say “You’re killing me, Smalls!” People either get it or they don’t!

  7. blotto says:

    What about:

    “Last practice of the season and this asshole thinks it’s the Super Bowl!”

    The movie was ‘Rudy’
    The character was Jamie O’Hara
    He was Vincent Vaughn at the time

  8. Julie says:

    “Here’s 50 bucks, take this in case I get drunk and call you a bitch later.? One of my favorite VV quotes! I am a huge VV fan!! I love him! Great job!

  9. Sandi says:

    LOVE VV..i get him..i get the humor and am i ever glad i do!! What a hoot reading these. Thanks….you motorboatin’ son-of-a-bitch!:P

  10. Legolas says:

    Hey man, what an effort, I know Vince Vaughn’s got some funny lines but to actually list it all out, you must be quite a fan, keep it up. :)

  11. Christine says:

    Excellent compilation. This site is money. Any chance you’ll be updating it? Whether or not you like The Break Up, there are some sweet Vince quotes. “The bar’s open downstairs. I know it’s early, but go crazy. Make some bad decisions. My jokes only get funnier and the buildings get taller.”

  12. The Jay says:

    Yeah, two or three movies down the line he’ll definitely be due for a language update. Glad you like the site. I hope you come back and keep reading.

    - The Jay

  13. The Captain says:

    Oh yeah Vince is a motorboat’b son of a bitch alright. I think Jay and silent bob have a lot of good qoutes also.

  14. hottamales17 says:

    Might not be an exact quote as I’m going off the top of my head. I believe it was from Made:

    “Hey lady, you missed out last night. I’m staying at the Sotho GRAND if you know what I mean. Hey, listen, I’d offer you a ride in my limo, but I gotta stretch my shit out. I’m a tall drink of water. I don’t want to wrinkle anything.”

  15. Tenpin says:

    Hey Legolas, I checked your link out and was gladI did man. The pics there totally cracked me up, I really like the ones of Sam Cassell as aliens, I couldn’t stop laughing hehehe.

  16. [...] The Jay Do You Speak Vince Vaughnese?Vince Vaughn is arguably the most quotable actor in movie history (with Val Kilmer coming in a close second). In only ten years and fifteen movies (I discount his dramatic movies because, like Rocky [...]

  17. [...] The Jay Do You Speak Vince Vaughnese?Vince Vaughn is arguably the most quotable actor in movie history (with Val Kilmer coming in a close second). In only ten years and fifteen movies (I discount his dramatic movies because, like Rocky [...]

  18. Brandi says:

    you have no idea how much we use his stuff! well done!

  19. [...] Do You Speak Vince Vaughnese??? Check out this AWESOME collection of quotes from one of my favorite funnymen, Vince Vaughn. [...]

  20. Riley says:

    How about VV on the importance of team play from The Break Up: “When a man makes a commitment to a team, he honors that commitment. he doesn’t let emotions or personal issues get in the way of victory. And I’ve made a commitment to this team.” Or VV on fate from the same movie “Fate has me highly skilled and loaded with talent.”

  21. [...] The Jay Do You Speak Vince Vaughnese?Vince Vaughn is arguably the most quotable actor in movie history (with Val Kilmer coming in a close second). In only ten years and fifteen movies (I discount his dramatic movies because, like Rocky [...]

  22. [...] The Jay Do You Speak Vince Vaughnese?Vince Vaughn is arguably the most quotable actor in movie history (with Val Kilmer coming in a close second). In only ten years and fifteen movies (I discount his dramatic movies because, like Rocky [...]

  23. David says:

    Yoo! There’s some awesome information on this site! I’m doing a research project on a celebrity and I chose Vince as my subject. This site has almost all the information I need! Thanks for the awesome website!

  24. [...] The Jay ” Do You Speak Vince Vaughnese? Vince Vaughn is arguably the most quotable actor in movie history (with Val … When Vince Vaughn speaks, we listen, and we love every word. … [...]

  25. [...] last night on HBO for the 38th time (Baba Ghanouj! Erroneous!), we couldn’t stop laughing at this memorable line from Vince Vaughn: ‘I was first team All-State. I can put the ball anywhere I want to. I’ll make it rain out [...]

  26. theriot says:

    This was brilliant. Dodgeball was such a quotable movie. You missed a few from there. But still this was damn good list…

  27. [...] losing a few pounds, gettin’ healthier, and making some good friends in the process… don’t listen to anything Vince Vaughn says. [...]

  28. Joe says:

    I know its a lame movie but can you add some quotes from The Break-up. Especially the scene when he schooled the blind data at Madden 2007.

  29. [...] least try anything he is in. If you like Vince’s movies then you should definitely check out this website which lists all his wonderful movie [...]

  30. [...] | No TrackBacks … Vince Vaughn (7) William Shatner (8) Winona Ryder (9) Yunjin Kim (9) …Do You Speak Vince Vaughnese? The Jay Fresh and Funny Pop …When Vince Vaughn speaks, we listen, and we love every word. … If I were to choose, I would want [...]

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