Monthly Archives: August 14, 2018

Last week Newsweek magazine came out with a cover story called “15 People Who Make America Great‿. This is all well and good except for one thing: Brad Pitt excluded, I don’t know who the hell any of them are. How exactly do they make America great if the average American (and I proudly consider myself average) has no earthly idea they even exist? Continue reading

Posted in Brad Pitt, Life and Times of The Jay, Steven Spielberg, The West Wing, Tom Cruise, Zach Braff | 7 Comments

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

LOS ANGELES, CA – Paramount Pictures, a subsidiary of Viacom Inc. announced today that Anne Hathaway’s breasts, collectively known as “The Hathaway Twins,‿ have signed a three-picture first look development deal. The Hathaway Twins, individually credited as Princess Lefty McGee and Jenny Moon-Unit Zappa, are the stars of the upcoming fashion pic, “The Devil Wears Prada‿. They recently signed with super-agent Ari Emmanuel of Endeavor for representation in all areas. Continue reading

Posted in Anne Hathaway, Celebrity, Lindsay Lohan, Scarlett Johansson | 15 Comments

So in the interest of satisfying my need for niftier taglines, and in the service of being sarcastic and bitchy, I have compiled a bunch of official movie taglines and come up with a few alternate ideas. I think they better describe the movie as a whole and make a stronger impact with the audience. Also, they totally make fun of their movies. Continue reading

Posted in Film | 8 Comments

In all seriousness, I know Movie Stars don’t REALLY have superpowers. The closest they come is through CGI and make-up. But wouldn’t it be cool if it were true? If CGI didn’t exist and Tobey Maguire really could shoot spider webs out of his wrists? If Will Smith really could fly a fighter jet into an alien mothership and Jeff Goldblum could take down an advanced alien technology with a simple Apple iMac virus? Yes, things would be a lot cooler if celebrities were mutants with superhuman abilities (as opposed to the regular mutants they are now). Continue reading

Posted in Ben Affleck, Britney Spears, Celebrity, Hilary Duff, Katie Holmes, Keanu Reeves, Lindsay Lohan, Morgan Freeman, Nicolas Cage, Renee Zellweger, Samuel L. Jackson, Sylvester Stallone, Tom Cruise, Vince Vaughn | 9 Comments

I have been a fan of Keanu since his Bill & Ted days. I have defended my love for the man who would be Neo to every one of my friends and family. I have gotten into screaming matches with people I barely know, just because I heard them bash the man. And I have never lost an argument about him, because no one can prove that he isn’t a gifted, talented performer. They lose, because I can prove that he is. But my arguing stops now. Once and for all I am going to prove to the world that Keanu Reeves does NOT suck. And I will prove it to you in 40 point list format. I promise you that when you finish reading this piece you will respect, admire and like the talent that is Keanu Reeves. Continue reading

Posted in Celebrity, Keanu Reeves | 481 Comments

Is it the fact that there are actual snakes on a plane that entices us so much, or is it that the movie had the balls to actually call itself “Snakes on a Plane”? I side with the second one. The title is so simple, so beautiful, so… lazy. That’s the real genius of the film; the title is perfect because it’s so incredibly and blatantly lazy. And yet, people love it. It got me thinking, are films titles over-thinking themselves? Continue reading

Posted in Film, Rocky Balboa, Samuel L. Jackson | 3 Comments

As always here at The Jay, we like to take the time to honor and celebrate the birth of celebrity off-spring. And there’s no better way to do that then by supposing what some other big name celebrities might be saying to the proud, new parents. Assuming of course that Namibia even has postal service. Or electricity to read the letters once they arrive. Or, you know, if Brad and Angie’s aren’t too busy hiding from lions, or keeping Shiloh away from hungry Hyena’s. Or establishing democracy. Something charitable that Angie loves so much and Brad tolerates because she’s Angelina Jolie. Continue reading

Posted in Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Celebrity, Jennifer Aniston, Tom Cruise, TomKat, Vince Vaughn | 2 Comments