Movies With Lazy Titles

Here’s the question on everyone’s minds: Is it the fact that there are actual snakes on a plane that entices us so much, or is it that the movie had the balls to actually call itself “Snakes on a Plane”? I side with the second one. The title is so simple, so beautiful, so… lazy. That’s the real genius of the film; the title is perfect because it’s so incredibly and blatantly lazy. And yet, people love it. It got me thinking, are films titles over-thinking themselves? Are titles like “A Prairie Home Companion” and “The Hills Have Eyes” too verbose and complex? Would audiences like them better if they were called “Boring Country Radio Show” and “Mutant Cannibals in the Desert”, respectively?

It’s entirely possible that in a culture that’s bursting at the seams with entertainment (hundreds of cable channels, boatloads of Direct-to-DVD’s movies, thousands of songs, and an overload of video games, cell phone ring tones and other useless distractions) the best possible way to get your product to the masses is to be as simple as humanly possible.

So in that spirit I tried to deduce what some other film’s would be called if they were as lazy (and brilliant) as Snakes on a Plane. Maybe they don’t prove that simplicity or title exposition is the way to go, but it does prove one thing: Big Momma’s House 2 was a crappy, crappy movie. I think we can all get behind that.

Superman Returns – Dude in a Cape

Crash – A Bunch of Racists in Cars

Leaving Las Vegas – Getting Drunk in Vegas

Ocean’s Eleven – Stealing Stuff in Style

Doom – Video Games at the Movies

Cars – Cars

War of the Worlds – Aliens in New Jersey

Kill Bill – Hot Chicks With Swords

Underworld: Evolution – Hot Vampires in Black Leather

Ultraviolet – Hot Vampires in Red Leather

Eight Below – Cute Dogs on a Mountain

Basic Instinct – Hot Chick with an Ice Pick

Basic Instinct 2 – Sharon Stone Needs Money

King Kong – Gorilla in the NYC

Flightplan – Crazy Moms on a Plane

Batman Begins – Hot Guy in Black Rubber

Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion – Black Guy in Drag

Longest Yard – Football in a Prison

Pulp Fiction – Gangsters Witness what May or May Not be a Miracle Give Money to Robbers in a Diner then Take Out Their Mob Boss’s Drugged Out Wife and Hunt Down the Boxer that Screwed over the Mob Boss Only to Have the Mob Boss Find Him Get Butt Raped by Some Redneck and Let the Boxer Go When He Saves the Mob Boss

Big Momma’s House 2 – Another Black Guy in Drag

She’s the Man – Hot Girl in Drag

Saw II – Dead People in a Room

Poseidon – N/A (Who cares? Nobody went and saw it, anyway.)

Brokeback Mountain – Anal Sex on a Mountain

Shawshank Redemption – Two Dudes in a Prison

Office Space – Dude in a Cubicle

The Day After Tomorrow – Bad Weather in America

The Skeleton Key – Blondes on the Bayou

Notting Hill – Loser Nails a Movie Star

American Pie – Dude Screws a Pastry

Deep Blue Sea – Sharks in a Tank

Swingers – Broke Actors Hooking Up

Sideways – Two Guys on a Bender

Passion of the Christ – Dude on a Cross

Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid – Snakes in the Jungle

The Terminal – Guy in an Airport

Jurassic Park – Dinosaurs on an Island

Arachnophobia – Spiders in a House

Mission: Impossible 2 – Guys Pulling off Fake Masks

Rocky IV – Boxer Ends Cold War

Bangarang!

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