Monthly Archives: July 2006

Tearful Celebrity Apologies

Wouldn’t you like Lindsay better if she just admitted to the coke and the anorexia? Wouldn’t you like Colin Farrell better if he just admitted he bangs anyone that so much as blinks at him (male or female)? Wouldn’t you like George Lucas better if he apologized for Jar Jar and the prequels? I know I would. Continue reading

Posted in Britney Spears, Celebrity, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Ritchie, Orlando Bloom, Paris Hilton, Rachel McAdams, Rocky Balboa, Sylvester Stallone, The O.C., Tom Cruise, TomKat, Zach Braff | 8 Comments

Picture This: Celebrities Are Just Like Us, But More Gross

“Am I a nice person? God, no! I suck.” _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ “This is what happens after you make a movie with Sarah Jessica Parker.” _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ “Wanna see my impression of Paris when she’s bored on the set of The Simple Life?” … Continue reading

Posted in Celebrity, Matthew McConaughey, Nicole Kidman, Nicole Ritchie, Paris Hilton, Picture This, Reese Witherspoon, The O.C. | 15 Comments

Just How Bland Is Orlando Bloom, Really?

So just how bland is Orlando Bloom, really? Blander than brown rice? Blander than Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House? Blander than the color beige? In need of a way to properly chart Orlando’s total bland-osity, I created the first ever Pop Culture Scale of Bland. Continue reading

Posted in Celebrity, Orlando Bloom | 203 Comments

Superhero Online Dating Profiles

It got me thinking about how hard it must be for superheroes and comic book characters to have real relationships. They have to keep up the secret identity, there’s always a risk their arch-nemesis will go on a killing spree, and on and on. Meeting people in bars is out of the question, as spandex isn’t usually on the dress code. So where do they go to meet other singles? They probably have to go online. And if they did, I wonder what they’re profiles would look like. Continue reading

Posted in Film, Miscellaneous Pop Culture | 2 Comments

What’s Hiding in Owen Wilson’s Shag?

The legendary 40,000 Atari cartridges of the E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial videogame (He’d go ahead and play the game, but alas, Owen does not own a Nintendo. His Mom got him a Sega Genesis for Christmas by mistake, and Owen subsequently became obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog and shunned all things Atari.). Continue reading

Posted in Celebrity, Lost, The Butterscotch Stallion | 62 Comments

25 Birthday Wishes

I wish that Spielberg, Ford and Lucas would decide NOT to make Indiana Jones 4. Indy rode off into the sunset after finding the Holy freaking Grail. How do you top that? Ford is pushing 65; do they really expect us to suspend our disbelief that this AARP member is still believable whipping Nazi’s and running from boulders and bad blonde actresses? Let it go, guys. Let it go… Continue reading

Posted in Ben Affleck, Celebrity, Eddie Murphy, Film, Keanu Reeves, Life and Times of The Jay, Rocky Balboa, Steven Spielberg, The West Wing, Zach Braff | 6 Comments