Wed 19 Jul 2006
I finally got around to seeing the new Pirates of the Caribbean flick, and while I didn’t love it (unbelievable special effects, unbelievably annoying script), I found myself inexplicably intrigued by one facet of the movie: Orlando Bloom’s complete and utter blandness. Over the course of a butt-killing two and a half hours I watched him swordfight, romance Keira Knightley, jump around, do some swimming, be dramatic, play some dice and generally be swashbuckling, yet at no time during the entire proceeding was I riveted by his performance. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he’s a bad actor; he hits all his marks, he commits to the role, he says his lines well, he’s not ugly, but there’s just nothing to him that sparks any interest in me. I mean he’s dashing and all. He’s dashing. But wouldn’t it have been more interesting if that part was played by say… Ewan McGregor? Or Ryan Gosling? Wouldn’t you have rather seen Captain Jack Sparrow tangle with Obi-Wan Kenobi?
Think back through Orlando’s small cinematic resume and you’ll find that he fades into the background of pretty much every movie he takes. Sure, he was cool as Legolas in Fellowship of the Ring, but other than the awesome way he mounted his dewback-like creature in The Two Towers, there was absolutely nothing interesting about him in the final two movies. He was relegated to a bit part, supporting player even though he was IN the freaking Fellowship. In Troy, you’re watching Brad Pitt and Eric Bana be all sorts of bad ass, and Brian Cox is delivering those classic one-liners (“…then every son of Troy shall diiiiiie!!), but what’s Orlando doing? Boning the blond chick from National Treasure? Standing around looking wussy? I would have preferred Vincent Chase. Moving on, Orlando was flat out paint-dryingly boring in Elizabethtown, completely harmless and ineffective in Kingdom of Heaven, and blown off the screen by a fey, rococo Johnny Depp in Pirates.
I can not recall a moment where I’ve been watching Orlando Bloom act in a movie and thought to my self “Man, that guy’s got charisma. I just can’t take my eyes off of him.” What I do remember every time I finish an Orlando flick, however, is saying to myself: “Was Orlando Bloom in that movie? Really? Are you sure it wasn’t, like, Freddie Prinze Jr., or something?”.
So just how bland is Orlando Bloom, really? Blander than brown rice? Blander than Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House? Blander than the color beige? I tried to put his blandness into words, but found myself uncharacteristically speechless. I tried to compare him to more charismatic actors, but that doesn’t seem fair to the other actors. So in need of a way to properly chart Orlando’s total bland-osity, I created the first ever Pop Culture Scale of Bland***. And just like Pirates 2 is storming the box office, good ‘ole Legolas stormed the Bland chart. Let’s see how it all came together.
So according to my remarkably precise Pop Culture Scale of Bland, Orlando Bloom is far blander than Tobey Maguire and vanilla yogurt, just a bit blander than a head of lettuce, and exactly as bland as white bread and the entire CBS primetime line up. That seems about right. So another of life’s most important questions solved here at TheJay.com. It’s all in a day’s work.
Bangarang!
*** If you want to display “The Pop Culture Scale of Bland” on your site please make sure to include a credit and a link to www.TheJay.com. Thank you.
July 19th, 2006 at 4:10 pm
It’s funny and brillant as usual !
I think you gonna have a lots of comments by Orlando’s fans in the next day.
Bon courage !
July 19th, 2006 at 9:51 pm
Love the bland chart. You are so creative and cute!
July 20th, 2006 at 12:45 am
“but what’s Orlando doing? Boning that blond chick? Standing around looking wussy?”
HAHA! how true…
too funny. loved it.
July 20th, 2006 at 1:18 am
well, I’m an Orlando fan and i’ve gradually been forced to face with the fact that I’m not sure he’a where he is for his acting skills…… I loved Lord of the Rings, but the stuff he has done since has been dissapointing/boring. Even Pirates 2 (which i much preferred to the first) you had to kind of ignore the acting in places….
Ooops - sorry Orlando!
July 20th, 2006 at 2:07 am
Rude, and only your opinion. You’re entitled to it, but you get your ass up on that screen and act. It’s harder than it looks. Not saying Orlando is perfect, and I’m not 14 (to shut of the warning siren in your head probably whooping right now that I’m a tiny little fan girl–29 and right now irritated with you.) Lets just agree to disagree on this one–which seems to be that your male (most males bash Orlando to pieces for some reason.) and obviously are being hyper-critical. The man himself is a nice guy–contrary to many of the self involved spoiled hollywood actors out there that forget their fans and that WE gave them their little limo’s and grand houses. We stop watching–they lose their wealth. So easily they forget. However Orlando seems down to earth and generally a nice person. Leave the guy alone; he does need to improve, but at least he’s trying with every film, and at least he’s making a shitload of money doing it–
Thats more than I can say for you.
~Carrie
July 20th, 2006 at 2:45 am
You know what’s funny… I got this link off of an Orlando fan site..
Yes, I love Orlando, why…well.. I can’t really put my finger on it.. and trust me.. I have ALWAYS said he has yet to prove to me he can act well. I have said multiple times he needs to ask Guildhall for his tutition money back. He IS bland.. and I am glad that someone finally put it all into prospective. However….MEET him in person…he is anything but bland. He is quite the silver tongued suave Hollywoodish playboy…or is that all an act.. Just like the Tootsiepop mystery…the world will never know.
Nice column!
July 20th, 2006 at 2:51 am
Given the huge and impressive number of girls all around the world that are crazy in love with Orlando Bloom, I guess that somehow he must have at least a ounce of charisma… There are many many beautiful actors out there and nobody has the success he has with women all around the world so I guess he must have somethin’ else that you just don’t get. He has a huge fan base and I guess that if he was THAT bland,he wouldn’t. I’m not particularly an Orlando Bloom fan and I find you’re article funny,well written and original but still I think that it’s a little bit exagerated. Let’s face it he isn’t the best actor in the world but he does have somethin’ that make him one of a kind and different from all the other typical hunks that all look,act and sound the same.
July 20th, 2006 at 5:53 am
i am a fan of Orlando and i will agree, that all films he has been in, the other actors (Viggo Mortensen, Elijah wood, Sir Ian Mckellan, Kirsten Dunst,Eric Banner, Brad Pitt, Liam Neason, Jeremy Irons, Johnny Depp, Bill Nighy.) All out shine him, but we must remember, that these men and women have been in the buisness far longer. He came out of college and landed a part in the lord of the rings, which was bloody lucky, so really he hasn’t had the time to really proove himself. Hopefully with Haven due to be realeased on Sep 15th, he will proove himself as a creditable actor…..He also has a film that he will be doing with Kate Bosworth (Seasons of dust) I think it’s called and i believe, sho will outshine him, because she was brilliant in superman.
July 20th, 2006 at 9:09 am
Go easy on Orlando.I mean the guy’s got Bony-butt Bosworth for a !*$% buddy.He could be hovering around his cell on set worrying he’ll be getting a call saying she’s suffered an internal organ malfunction or an osteoporosis related break to one her malnourished bones.
July 20th, 2006 at 10:07 am
He’s got all these women swooning over him but I don’t think he’s that great….pshhh
July 20th, 2006 at 10:17 am
Theresa: I’ve seen Haven, keep waiting.
July 20th, 2006 at 10:28 am
For someone so bland…he certainly got your attention. Lay off and don’t see his movies if you’re that irritated with him.
July 20th, 2006 at 10:39 am
I love it when people read my work and then write a nasty unfounded, uneducated comment.
I’m not irritated with him. I went to great lengths in the intro to express that I don’t think he’s a bad actor, just a bland guy.
Try not to be so reactionary when you’re reading a humor site. But still, thanks for reading.
July 20th, 2006 at 11:00 am
Hi Jason,
thanks for sending in the link, which we just published on our Orlando Bloom website. Your article is funny although I think you will be hated by many now. But it’s a great way to draw attention to a website.
Kind & respectful regards,
Stephanie
Full Bloom Webmaster
July 20th, 2006 at 11:00 am
“quote” I love it when people read my work and then write a nasty unfounded, uneducated comment.
I’m not irritated with him. I went to great lengths in the intro to express that I don’t think he’s a bad actor, just a bland guy.
Try not to be so reactionary when you’re reading a humor site. But still, thanks for reading. “end quote”
*What did you expect? I don’t find it humourous when someone writes demeaning things about another. Even if I don’t know him personally. Neither do you. I would get offended anyway if it was some other actor up here and not Orlando Bloom. Too many people want to be a stinking critc all of a sudden. Please, we have enough of the useless snobs to begin with. Why add to their number?
Where I agree that Orlando needs improvement–I disagree that he’s bland. It may be the roles and the writing that is the problem–maybe he needs to break away and do a different type of movie. Who knows.
Johnny Depp may have turned his role in POTC into something pivotal and unique, yet, would he have back in his 21 jump street days? No, I don’t think so. Which leads me to think Orlando will get better the more roles he takes on.
Also–the chart was a bit much, and really uncalled for–that right there is what sparked my anger. So sorry, being reactionary is what you should expect. Despite this article being supposedly funny, I failed to see the humor.
July 20th, 2006 at 11:02 am
Orlando can be as bland as white bread. He doesn’t even have to speak… just look hot.
July 20th, 2006 at 11:03 am
You know what, hon? You keep your opinion, I’ll keep mine. If someone decides to make a movie of Orlando Bloom sitting on the floor in a white room reading from the London phone directory, I’ll buy a ticket. He’s that exquisite.
July 20th, 2006 at 11:10 am
P.S. Funny article though
July 20th, 2006 at 11:33 am
So Jay. Are you saying that in Haven he is also bland in that? Or is he really fantastic?
July 20th, 2006 at 11:50 am
Theresa: I’m saying the wait continues for a non-bland Bloom performance. He barely registers a pulse for most of the movie. Though he does spend most a lot of the movie shirtless, if that makes things up for his fanbase.
July 20th, 2006 at 11:51 am
Hmm Jay, you are right when you say that an article written in a humor site as an attempt to attract reactions shouldn’t really be taken seriously.
You have a great stile and funny in writing, but you really forgot to add this very article in the “The Pop Culture Scale of Bland”- one whole step beneath Orlando Bloom. That would be honest and way funnier than assessing the GUY and not even his acting abbilities, as you pointed out in your last reply.
Actually I think that your judgement is beyond rude, unless you can actually prove you know this O. Bloom personally to call him a “bland guy”and aren’t just being reactionary to a fandom phenomenon …
I will clarify that I am not calling YOU a bland person (since I don’t know you) but this article … and the intention you had writing it.
Enjoy and good vibes
Maram
July 20th, 2006 at 11:55 am
Interesting…again: Johnny Depp made Edward Scissorhands when he was 27. Orlando Bloom is now 28 and has done nothing even comparable to that performance. So yes, I think Johnny would have crushed Capt. Jack even back then. The man did Benny & Joon, Ed Wood and Cry Baby before he was 30. That’s why Johnny Depp is still working today, because he’s not just a pretty face. If Orlando didn’t have that bone structure he’d just be another rake, trolling from audition to audition, wishing he had been lucky enough to get LotR.
July 20th, 2006 at 12:18 pm
I can’t believe someone actually thought Bosworth was a good Lois.She was BLAND.This may be one actor Orlando can outshine.And I’m not just typing that because I don’t have any liking or respect for pin thins.Compared to his skinny reared, chestless galpal he’s the far better actor.If someone gave me a choice between their films,well,I’d most definately pick his over hers any day.But,as I said don’t be too hard on him.To be honest, I’ve not seen any good new young actors in years.Good looking yes,but not all that talented.
July 20th, 2006 at 12:21 pm
And that chart is wickedly funny.
July 20th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
Again…only your opinion…Let’s agree to disagree. It seems to be the theme here.
Don’t write insults–then expect people not to hurl them right back. The whole “dish it, but can’t take it” comes to mind. My original comment was not that bad…not as bad as how you precieved it. Yet, the more you speak about Orlando, the more you seem to get nasty and personal. Now you’re talking about his face and his personality. That he’s a okay actor, but the man is bland?
How the f*$% do you know? You DON”T KNOW HIM. I don’t either, but at least I’m not writing about someone being bland by just what he plays in movies.
July 20th, 2006 at 12:38 pm
Interesting: I’m not taking any of this personally. We can agree to disagree, that’s fine. But one thing I do want to clear up… “we” don’t know actors / stars. We see them on TV, or in the movies, we read interviews or see interviews, we see pictures of them in US Magazine and the like. We get a persona, not the real person. That persona is what I’m labeling, not the person. I’m sure he’s a commendable guy in real life. But the public persona of the “Orlando Bloom” brand is bland. All I’m saying.
July 20th, 2006 at 1:13 pm
They said the exact same things about Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp when their careers were only getting off the ground. Why the hell does everyone have to crucify an actor cos he’s pretty? OK, so I have seen better acting in my 36 years on this planet but I’ll tell you one thing…I’ve got a suspicion that this guy is just getting warmed up. He’s said himself in many interviews that he’s still learning his craft. You wait and see, one of these days Bloom will blow us away. And when he’s up there accepting that Oscar, let’s see how you enjoy THAT blandness. ;>
Jen ;->
July 20th, 2006 at 1:22 pm
Astrojen: I’m not crucifying him for that, though I do think it’s helped his career. He did well in LotR, Pirates was successful, he stars in a lot of high grossing movies, which perpetuates his being cast in more big budget movies. I need to see him be interesting and great in a small film. One that require him to do more than weild a sword or shoot a bow and arrow.
July 20th, 2006 at 2:01 pm
Have met this young actor on three different ocassions. Very nice man. Very quiet and polite. A lot has happened in his life over the last decade. He’s just coming into his own. Watch for Haven in September. I’ve seen it already, and he’s got more to show. I beleive he’s just getting started and has what it takes to keep going. You watch. He’s the new Johnny Depp.
July 20th, 2006 at 3:53 pm
I’m not so mad about the fact that you are bashing Orlando (even thou I was upset be that), but more mad that anyone would or could be that mean to someone. That was just down right rude. You not only bashed Orlando, but also all the other things and people on your “scale of bland****”, I mean come on, no one needs to be that mean to anyone. If you don’t like someone or you don’t like they way they do something, say it in a way that will be constructive, not hurtful. You don’t need to be rude about. Glad you have an opinion (and you have a right to one), but couldn’t you be alittle less mean and hurtful when you express it.
Tab
July 20th, 2006 at 4:35 pm
Props to you! I am sure Orlando Bloom is a perfectly nice human being and cute too but he must be the luckiest guy on earth. He has zero charisma onscreen and when he has to actually star in a film, it is so OBVIOUS. He is the Tab Hunter of his generation.
July 20th, 2006 at 5:26 pm
Hi. All I have to say is that I know that your entitled to your opinnion and I accept that but lay off on Orlando Bloom!He’s been in movies and that’s probably more than you can say for yourself! And I thought that he was pretty intersting in the Pirates movies!~Kimmy~
July 20th, 2006 at 5:31 pm
I love Orlando Bloom. From LotR on.
But OMG you’re so right. Bland. Perfect word. The chart? Hilarious.
note- Fangirls, stop. You look pathetic. You’re doing nothing to help his reputation, just further cementing him as a pretty boy with a prepubescent (That means young) female fanbase. I’ve been where you are. Yes, be angry. Grar, how dare they? But don’t post about it here, you just look silly.
July 20th, 2006 at 5:50 pm
Hey Tabiths, this is what the Internet is for, “slandering others anonymously.” If you don’t like mean, I suggest you turn off your computer or at the very least, avoid the Internet altogether.
July 20th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
I am a huge fan of Orlando, but this article was very well written! I disagree with some of your points, but it did make me smile! The Chart is hilarious! Like I said, I do not fully agree, but I took this with a light hearted mood and with a grain of salt, and found it to be a joy to read!
July 20th, 2006 at 6:12 pm
Oh and I think that Johnny Depp has played REALLY creepy parts.creepy like turn the channel/turn off the DVD player creepy.im not saying he’s a bad actor, I like some of his roles, but I’d rather be bored then creeped out!
July 20th, 2006 at 6:34 pm
Arisma, Mabey the “fangirls” want to express their anger from this!is it such a crime?
July 20th, 2006 at 8:15 pm
How was any of this mean? I didn’t see a single criticism of his character, his acting skills, or his appearance. He’s just a hottie who happens to have as much impact on a movie as the scenery. Important, yes; visually appealing, definitely; but pretty forgettable compared to Cap’n Jack’s drunken, sun-dazed swagger.
In fact, what I got from this was quite encouraging. I think we all hope that he develops a persona that matches his talent and good looks!
July 20th, 2006 at 11:02 pm
If anyone is laughing at this whole thing, it’s Orlando. Thanks for the publicity. I adore him and I’m old enough to be his mother. I am laughing, too.
July 21st, 2006 at 1:39 am
Brilliant set of comments everyone!!! it highlights exactly the problems Mr. Bloom faces if he is going to achieve Longevity. He does have something when he’s on screen for me, but i don’t think its currently his acting
…… fingers crossed he’ll find this from somewhere in future projects!! I love the comment about sitting in a white room reading from the phone direct - I WOULD SOOOOO WATCH THAT!!!
Good weekend all XX
July 21st, 2006 at 3:57 am
well what can i say except u r all pathetic little loosers who just sit at home and bitch about very talented people who actually HAVE a life!.
Time to get off your ass step away from your computer screen and find somthing to do.
July 21st, 2006 at 4:48 am
my god u make me laugh u sad little person who ever wrote this
July 21st, 2006 at 4:53 am
So Kimmy are you saying that you’d rather watch OB and be bored. Rather than watch Johnny and be creeped out?
Don’t get me wrong, i am huge OB fan more so than Johnny Depp, but some of the films he has done have been rather boring (Elizabeth town) I fell alseep….sorry, but pirates was hilliarious. He was great in that, especially when he and the other pirates were swinging in that caged ball….i cracked up laughing
July 21st, 2006 at 5:58 am
That’s too funny!
July 21st, 2006 at 7:05 am
Hmm. I can understand why people would think Orlando is bland, but this article did over exaggerate on the situation, I think. He is still a young actor and he definitely has a lot to learn. Of course he isn’t one of those people that just comes into his first movie like a pro and wins an Oscar. Not many of them do. It takes years to get to that level. Give him some credit - at least he’s trying. It is a hard job, contrary to popular belief. And maybe I’m biased, seeing as how I’ve loved him since his Legolas days, but I do see the progression through his movies. He’s trying to take on different roles in order to expand his horizon, as well. But if you consider the people he’s worked with, of course he’s going to blend into the background when these actors are pretty much legacies on the screen. And I completely disagree with the idea of Ewan McGregor taking the role of Will Turner. First of all, he doesn’t have that naive innocence about him, and he’s ugly. Really bad choice right there.
I also have to add that I am a person that can laugh at pretty much anything (huge sense of humour), but I found nothing humorous about this post. It was condescending in every possible way, no matter how many times you claim otherwise. If you want to talk about blad, maybe you should look in the mirror, bud.
July 21st, 2006 at 7:22 am
I found this exteremely enjoyable for two reasons: (a) your article is spot-on, and (b) everyone getting their panties in a twist here in the comments just made my day.
I’ve been watching Troy recently [it’s been a week and I still haven’t had time to watch the entire thing, but I know I’m near the end because Eric Bana just died and Brad just got shot] and was similarly unimpressed with Orlando’s performance. I keep thinking “when is he actually going to do something?”
I’m sure he’s a great guy. He’s been in some pretty good movies. But there’s not a single movie he’s been in that I’d put on just to watch his performance. [Note that there is definitely a difference between watching him and watching his performance.] Maybe he’ll come into his own, maybe not. I hope so, for the sake of the future movies in which he’s going to be cast for his name and face.
July 21st, 2006 at 7:36 am
Hahaha. He is quite bland. I saw Pirates and kind of forgot about him. He says almost everything in the same intonation. It’s like when Leonard Cohen sings, except that I love Leonard to pieces. Orlando, not so much. He’s just too forgettable. Unfortunate, considering how facially blessed he is.
July 21st, 2006 at 8:11 am
1st off, I love Orlando. He’s really a better guy than most actors, he actually loves his fans. He isn’t the best actor in the world but he’s not as bad as you make him seem. Yes, he does need improvement but, I think he’s making easy on himself because he got Legolas so early. And he’s been sorta lucky, with 2 trilogies. But yea quit bashing Orlando.
July 21st, 2006 at 11:02 am
Yeah, you are right Nikki, but that is why so many people bash Orlando, because he is the one that got lucky….and good for him
July 21st, 2006 at 11:06 am
To Amy….
What did you want him to do? He played a wimpy character that wasn’t supposed to be the hero. He was a supporting role, so I have no idea what you expected. The article is rude–straight up.
Not that it’s ruining my day or anything, but I could have done without the snide remarks and “chart.” The author needs to find a better past time.
July 21st, 2006 at 11:28 am
Dammit, it wasn’t a chart, it was a scale! Jeebus!
July 21st, 2006 at 11:59 am
Carrie –
Something tells me that this article wasn’t supposed to be taken as seriously as it’s been taken. Lighten the heck up, everyone.
And just because a character is a supporting one doesn’t mean he has to be wimpy. Okay, so Paris wasn’t exactly a hero. But I didn’t get any passion in the portrayal of the character. He was supposed to love Helen so very very much, and I didn’t feel it at all. Maybe it’s just me. And guess what? However “rude” you might think all of this is, it’s just an opinion, and no one has to like it.
July 21st, 2006 at 1:22 pm
This is hilarious, and I LOVE your blandness scale!
The thing that’s always frustrated me about Orlando Bloom is that he was always so animated and full of life in the LotR interviews, and so forth, but doesn’t carry that sort of presence into his performances. He does come across as terminally bland in his films.
As to those who say that Johnny Depp didn’t have any depth as a younger actor, I must respectfully disagree. ‘21 Jump Street’ may not have been Shakespeare, but he did get a few chances to stretch a bit there, and he used them to some advantage, I think.
July 21st, 2006 at 4:06 pm
Hmm, one clarification to the person who claimed Orlando Bland, I mean Bloom, merely has a teen-aged fanbase. You have no idea how many Demi Moore-like ladies (OK, we don’t look like her) are out here admiring Orlando’s poetic face. Yes, these ladies read every interview, catch all the video clips and think Orlando is worth the attention because he is absolutely genuine in his fan appreciation (that is a fact) and his enthusiam for life.
But… the man is on the cusp of 30 and he keeps claiming he is still figuring out the acting gig. Fine, that’s great, one lives to learn, but if I measure his acting against say, my career and work performance, if I turned in such performances, I’d be terminally unemployed. But supporters keep hoping the brief glimpses they see will finally gel into one truly inspired acting job. At least that’s my take.
Orlando needs to find his Tim Burton directorial muse. I hope, for his sake, he does so just to make a few critics pat him on his beautiful head. Being called the “donut hole” of a flick (”Kingdom of Heaven” review) must suck so bad.
Just my little POV.
PS: Funny how you chose a pic from “Troy.” Orlando wasn’t bland in that, he was pathetic and decorative, which actually worked part of the time. Unfortunately it certainly created soggy, limp romance.
July 21st, 2006 at 4:16 pm
Frankly, it was the only picture of him that I could find where he wasn’t a) shirtless b) soaking wet c) looking pensive with hair in his face, or d) all of the above.
Plus I think he looks wussy in the armor, which was a plus.
July 21st, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Been reading your blog for a wee while now Jay, and virtually every time it brings a smile to my face. Everybody loves lists…
You’re right too. Orlando is a bit, well, bleh. Ok. So-so. Not bad. Acceptable. Satisfactory.
Am I right in thinking that the Studio demanded he was cast in Kingdom of Heaven, despite Ridley Scott’s protests? That’s got to say something. He just doesn’t have enough gravitas to handle the roles he’s being shoved into.
Eminently forgettable in Black Hawk Down, always sporting the same forced, just-about-ready-for-a-fight manner in Pirates, but…I’ll give him this - take a look at him in “The Calcium Kid”. He’s actually pretty good in it. It might be because he’s playing closer to home, closer to his own personality. I don’t know. Hopefully there’s more to come, but I just hope he doesn’t sully too many potentially great movies along the way…
July 21st, 2006 at 4:30 pm
yeah, i’d say your chart of blandness is pretty much right on, except that i like csi miami which is on cbs. but yeah, when orlando bloom first appeared on my radar i thought, “Oh, cool! a hot young actor for me to watch and hopefully grow to love.” but he has been a huge disapointment. nothing about him interests me and his performances are less than inspiring.
July 21st, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Wow…talk about penis envy…If Orlando Bloom was so bland, why did you feel the need to write a pointless article about how bland he is. I agree with someone who wrote before saying he’s not perfect, but, hello! He’s young. Johnny Depps in his 40’s and I’d say he’s in the prime of his life. I’m pretty sure someone thought him as “bland” at one point in his life. Sadly, people in this world think that by the time you reach 20 something, you’ve learned everything you need to know in life. Nobody stops learning, Orlando Bloom included. So next time you feel the need to point out someone elses “blandness”, look at your own.
July 21st, 2006 at 7:55 pm
If Orlando is so bland why do directors still hire him? Cause he has something others don’t, besides good looks, he has fantastic charisma!
July 21st, 2006 at 8:35 pm
oh my… penis envy? lol, are you serious? how exactly would anyone be jealous of orlando bloom’s penis size… considering we’ve never seen it? or even heard rumors as to how large (or small) it is?
also - maybe if you were older than 12, and had taken a college class or two (namely psychology), you would understand that penis envy actually refers to a female wishing she had a penis due to feelings of inferiority.
aaanyway. considering how bland the guy is, i really think orlando bloom is getting way too big for his britches. i say this because of the look on orlando’s face (shakes his head and rolls his eyes, scowling) during a blooper reel segment of the pirates dvd when johnny depp makes a mistake with his lines. a mistake anyone could make.
check it out if you can, cause i was kinda shocked by it.
not to mention the fact that orlando’s a diva….
mr. bloom needs a wakeup call. pronto.
July 21st, 2006 at 8:38 pm
sorry, messed up on the URL above, so click here for it…
July 21st, 2006 at 8:50 pm
The most charismatic Orlando Bloom has ever been was in the first Pirates movie when he impersonated Captain Jack Sparrow. Other than that, this is the most accurate article ever written.
July 21st, 2006 at 8:52 pm
P.S. Johnny Depp was never bland. He just chose not to sell out so you didn’t hear about him until he was in his 30’s (half-way into his career).
July 21st, 2006 at 10:04 pm
Alright, a couple replies then I’m done.
Kimmy- I said it made them look silly and did nothing to help the person they’re trying to defend. That’s all. Feel free to rant and rave away. I like to laugh.
Sandy- Ahh, but the difference is those older women (I am one, btw) tend to sit back and take things as they come, enjoying the enjoyable and shaking their heads at the not. It’s the young girls (and possibly boys) who feel the need to hop on forums and go “OMGWTFBBQ!? How can you talk about Orlando like that?! He’s so much cooler than you and you just wish you had his penis! Shut yr face, stupid fat head! Lolz!” Thereby accomplishing the exact opposite of what they want to.
July 21st, 2006 at 10:22 pm
Atisma:
Yeah, just felt like bitch slapping the poster who thought all Orlando fans were 12.
One of those days at work, eh?
PS: Jay, re: that “Troy” photo, Orlando looks like he wished the production manager ordered extra Gold Bond powder for the chaffing. That outfit is nasty.
July 21st, 2006 at 10:28 pm
LOL. I agree completely. In Kingdom of Heaven, Orlando’s blandness caused me to fall asleep twice. I love articles like these, they attract a bunch of douches who say things like, “Wow…talk about penis envy” that are unintentionally funny and dumb. Keep writing awesome articles. (And tools..please keep writing angry yet hilarious responses.)
July 22nd, 2006 at 12:33 am
Screw your bland chart.
Not becuase I’m an Orlando Bloom Fan-girl.
But becuase you have Britain on their.
Asshole.
July 22nd, 2006 at 2:06 am
To ashley:
Don’t believe a word of that article you posted. In almost every premiere, and outing Orlando has had–he has intermingled with fans, taken pictures, signed autrographs, etc. I can hardly see him behaving in the manner that blog user wrote. Bash him all you want–its your right, however I will stand by the fact hes a decent guy, whose trying to improve on his acting. Nothing more. This article above seems to be in bad taste–it just goes to show that people will do anything to get a laugh from the expense of another.
Whatever.
July 22nd, 2006 at 2:23 am
well all i can say is jealousy is a curse! get a life
July 22nd, 2006 at 2:52 am
After LOTR I too was blown away by Bloom’s awful blandness in Black Hawk Down. He does that thing that a lot of young Brit soap actors do and when he’s acting talks a couple of octaves higher than nomal, and forces the words out in an unconvincing way. It’s a shame because on chat show’s etc. he has a personality, and seems like an interesting enough guy. When I watched the first Pirates film, there was a moment when he almost relaxed and acted, instead of concentrating on saying his lines. I just want to bitch slap the guy and say ‘For fecks sake, unclench, relax, and let some of your personality seep into the characters you play!’
July 22nd, 2006 at 6:09 am
Can i just say, that i have been enjoying this thread, but i am rather surprised, that there are not many screaming OB fans running to his defence. Yeah I have read some of the comments from fanatical fans (I’m a fan, but not fanatical…lol) but really not what i was expecting from OB fans. I think i was expecting things like @How could you. Orlando is the greatest actor of all time….we should all bow down to him and kiss his feet…lol) okay you’d probably agree, that i’m talking a load of shite now, so i’m gonna crawl away…bye…for now.
July 22nd, 2006 at 6:14 am
Oh and Jay. Blander than brown rice….seriously ever had brown rice on it’s own. Now that is so bland, it could kill you with it’s boring bland taste. Looking at it on a plate makes me just want to curl up and sleep, i am so bored…lol. Are you saying, that everytime you see Orlando, you want to sleep? I must admit i slept through ET. The american accent he tried to do was not good at all, sorry. He sounded like an English man putting on an accent, which in fact he was…lol
July 22nd, 2006 at 9:44 am
I love Orlando Bloom and well I’m sure it’s clear I’m a fan, but I am willing to admit he needs to work on his acting skills. Not that he’s not good, I thought he was awesome in Ned Kelly and I loved him in Kingdom of Heaven and I didn’t even want to watch that movie to begin with. I thought he was great in Elizabethtown. All in all I think he is a good actor and I think he will get better in time. As for the comment on him in Troy “boneing the blond haired chick and looking wussy” DUH! That is how Paris of Troy should be portrayed. Finally, your artical was well written. I just dont agree.
July 22nd, 2006 at 9:55 am
Yeah. These bozos are all so much blander than me. Especially that Carson Daly guy.
Seacrest out!
July 22nd, 2006 at 11:36 am
i’m pretty sure that’s a picture of vanilla ice cream, not yogurt. unless you meant ‘frozen yogurt,’ and even then, you’re only slightly closer to what that picture shows. funny nonetheless
July 22nd, 2006 at 1:49 pm
Ok I’m a reality tv freak so I’m not gonna be dissing Carrie.. but Pirates. I agree totally about Orlando Bloom. I have absolutely no idea what the rest of my gender sees in him, bleh.
Johnny Depp on the other hand.. Meow-Purrrr Does it get any sexier than after the stick figure with hair kissed him and he just gave this sexy smirk and said .. “Pirate”
… faint
July 22nd, 2006 at 2:25 pm
Ok, I am an Orlando Bloom fan & I thought what you said was very rude, mean & Arrogant. If you don’t like his movies then don’t watch them or are you too stupid to do that because from your article it kind of sounds like your a complete moron anyway. You’re free to express your opinion but doesn’t make it right now does it. I so happend to like Pirates of the Caribiean Dead man’s chest, I didn’t like it, in fact I LOVED IT. You should quit your day job because you don’t know what you’re talking about by the way Troy too was a good movie, I liked it so much I bought the DVD. I think he is a a very talented actor. so all I have to say is nobody likes Jerks, it’s not a good trait. You’re just a jealous hater who has nothing better to do then to put down someone that’s doing better then you. Have a Great day!
July 22nd, 2006 at 3:11 pm
quote: “but you get your ass up on that screen and act. It’s harder than it looks.”
seriously! it’s like this time my friend went to the doctor to get his tonsils out and the doc accidentally cut off both of his legs. he complained for, like, a week about how much this doctor sucked. well, geez, let’s see YOU do better, buddy! it’s hard being a doctor! and just cos you’ve had years of training and get paid almost pornographic amounts of money for it, and just cos your existence as a doctor means that one other medical student will never become a doctor even though he may be better at it than you, that shouldn’t mean he should be open to criticism for it. it’s hard work!
at least he’s a “nice guy,” and any dumbass knows that that’s 90% of acting right there.
oh, and it’s a good thing i was informed that this acticle was “only [someone’s] opinion.” i get really confused when someone writes a piece about a subjective aspect of a given topic without letting me know whether it’s fact or opinion. maybe some of those ivy leaguers can makes heads or tails of such things without a helpful disclaimer but it’s all greek to me.
(i’ve actually never even see one of this guy’s movies and could give about half a shit one way or the other about him, but jesus…)
July 22nd, 2006 at 3:56 pm
jen:
just because he smiles and puts on an act all the fans want to see whenever he has an official outing doesn’t mean it’s not possible for him to be a “diva” when the fans aren’t watching - as explained in the article i posted.
just something to think about.
also, i wasn’t bashing orlando. believe it or not, i am a fan of his. it’s just that sometimes you have to take off your rose-colored glasses and look at things from a different point of view.
July 22nd, 2006 at 6:20 pm
your all jealous because orlando has a huge career with millions of fans and all u people can find to do is bitch about famous stars cause you dont have a life.
July 22nd, 2006 at 7:13 pm
To Ashley:
All because someone posted it in their blog, doesnt make it true. Perhaps somethings shouldn’t be taken at face value. Have you ever met him? Are you sure “they” even met him? Maybe he was just having a bad day on the set, or maybe he did have something important to do–it’s better than Johnny hiding in France and bashing Americans. And I like Johnny–just don’t agree with some of his politics.
What I said about bashing–it wasn’t implied to you, I was directing that to the one who wrote the article–nothing more.
Though–if this is how you guys like to pass the time, by snickering and thinking that someone is bland as bread and can’t act and etc, etc, ( even though that is easily rectified by simply NOT watching his movies.) then by all means–knock yourselves out.
I for one, have better things to do.
July 22nd, 2006 at 7:31 pm
Oh and by the way, I just re-watched that blooper reel, and he was not scowling at Johnny, he was in character. During the movie that scene was when Will knew That Jack was tricking the two english soldiers: So, he was only doing facets of that character. He did the same thing in LOTR, during the counsel session. Everyone has to remain IC, regardless if the camera is on them or not. He was acting as Will Turner in that scene, not some “diva” as you proclaim.
Every interview given, and every cast member that he has worked with, says he’s a decent guy. If he really were a diva like you described–fellow actors would rat on him in a heartbeat. They do to everyone else who has a big head. ( examples J-lo, Madonna, cast of Desperate houswives, Jeremy Irons, and many many more.
Anyway, thought I would just get that out.
Besides, I still have better things to do.
;)See ya.
July 22nd, 2006 at 8:00 pm
You know, I’m imagining Ewan McGregor in that role, and it’s infinitely more appealing.
July 22nd, 2006 at 8:31 pm
wow… I think you all need to get a life…maybe read a book or something… or even take a quick look at a clock to see how much of your lives you wasted. Don’t bother replying, I have a good book to read and a degree to Earn.
LOL
July 22nd, 2006 at 9:11 pm
Orlando Bloom could definetly work on his acting. When you watch him in a movie you’ll notice that “sad orlando” “angry orlando” and “confused orlando” etc. are all pretty much the same thing haha. But this article doesn’t really seem to be criticizing his acting (which could easily be criticized), it seems to be criticizing Orlando and his own personality. You said “i’m not saying he’s a bad actor, just a bland guy”so I’m just wondering, do you know Orlando well? I don’t think its fair to judge someone like that when you don’t know them. I’m not a huge Orlando fan but he’s definetly got a pretty face, but then again so do a lot of other actors none of which have such a huge fanbase and such high grossing films, which leads me to believe that he must be more than just a pretty face.
By the way I didn’t find this article very funny either, I could find tons of other articles exactly like this on the internet, perhaps you should work on some new more original material.
July 22nd, 2006 at 11:43 pm
yea.
thats pretty accurate.
however, you forgot to include the guy from twister.
he is beyond bland.
July 23rd, 2006 at 12:07 am
In almost every role I’ve seen Orlando Bloom in, the word ‘Legolas’ comes to mind. He plays each character with that same one-dimensional aspect, and almost every line he utters comes across in that same serious deep-breathed intonation, whether he’s urging Aragorn to fight for the freedom of middle-earth, or telling medieval knights in ‘Kingdom of Heaven’ how to find Jerusalem. He’s almost as pretty as Hayden Christensen, and they both have the same level of acting ability, as riveting as watching paint dry, and as torturous as dragging fingernails across a blackboard. I just wish he could find a film where he could be allowed more emotion in his roles than either portraying blank-eyed optimism or pouty disappointment, if as an actor he is capable of this feat.
July 23rd, 2006 at 12:53 am
Yeah! I think we all have better things to do than reading this dull and bland article…
July 23rd, 2006 at 4:54 am
Ya i know this sounds silly & all but im over about how mad I was but iI still think the chart was insulting!!!!!!!
July 23rd, 2006 at 1:04 pm
jen:
first of all, you should make sure what you’re saying is correct before posting it. in the blooper reel, orlando was not “in character” - and it’s not even when jack sparrow was tricking the english soldiers as you say it was. it was when jack was meeting the crew of his ship and talking to the mute’s parrot. and in the movie, if you would actually watch it so you know what you’re talking about - you would see that orlando doesn’t make the face behind johnny’s back. orlando bloom was making a face and being a smartass because johnny depp messed up his lines. get over it.
and i was “proclaiming” nothing. if you knew and understood the meaning of the words you use, you’d know that to “proclaim” something means i am stating it officially or as a fact - and just because i am stating my opinions and voicing my concerns over orlando bloom’s ego doesn’t mean i am “proclaiming” anything as a fact. maybe you shouldn’t take everything you read to heart as it appears that you do. everyone has opinions, and they aren’t always the same as yours. it’s a natural part of life.
also, i never described orlando as a diva as you claim that i did. the only thing i said was that i thought he might be getting too big for his britches, then i posted a link to an article describing him as a diva. so, again, get your facts straight instead of taking ALL of this time out of your “OH SO BUSY LIFE” to post a response that makes absolutely no sense.
granted, the article may or may not be true - but you shouldn’t automatically consider any negative thing you hear about orlando bloom to be false. as i said before, sometimes you have to take off your rose-colored glasses and see things from a different point of view.
blah blah blah. who cares, anyway?
July 23rd, 2006 at 5:05 pm
I think one movie that everyone has forgotten about that he was in way before LOTR was Black Hawk Down, where he was the young kid who fell from the helicopter. I say the acting here was extraordinary, cuz he got to play a comatose guy, much like his other acting roles where hes actually up and walking around. Let the rebuttals commence.
July 23rd, 2006 at 7:09 pm
WOW! 90 comments… you got the fans riled!
Well… Orland has cute buns… but I much preferred him with long, blonde hair.
Pirates 2 was… a bridge, to the next movie. I left the theatre feeling gyped… and I wasn’t the only one… even my 10-yr old said he didn’t like the way it ended (all that was missing were the words “to be continued” before the credits rolled), though he loved the funky looking “undead” pirates. My favorite character out of the whole movie was Naomi Harris’ Tia Dalma.
Keep up with the good work… you just crack me up!
Cheers,
Adriane
July 23rd, 2006 at 7:29 pm
Sighs
I was exaggerating and being sarcastic about hte proclaiming..hence I used that term on purpose.
Plus, Orlando looked away and scowled before Johnny flubbed the line. Go look again and see for yourself. A scene requires many takes, and often times actors will try and play with different reactions…so, I would say its very plausible that scene had a varied amount of direction: Each one different and each one with a different way the actors reacted. Again, Orlando scowled before the lines were said, which leads me to believe that he was in character.
Oh, and you did say he was a diva.
“not to mention the fact that orlando’s a diva….”
and the “blah blah” statement tells me that you’re a little too immature to carry on any more of this arguement.
And your a fan? Gee with fans like you, who needs the critics?
July 23rd, 2006 at 7:57 pm
Orlando Bloom is about as exciting as a door nob. And he’s nothing special in the looks department either. Co-star Johnny Depp is better looking than him and he’s twice his age. Blandness all around, describes Orlando.
July 23rd, 2006 at 8:15 pm
The only thing that bugs me is the inclusion of Harrison Ford(I think) on the bland scale.
July 23rd, 2006 at 8:36 pm
jen:
just drop it already. i said blah blah blah because this is just stupid. it’s not even worth arguing about, so why are you still carrying on with it?
he made the face as soon as johnny depp started messing up the line. i’ve already watched it enough times to be sure of this. and despite what you say about actors playing with different reactions, “will turner” had no reason to be scowling at this point in the movie - since, as i already said, it was when jack sparrow was meeting the crew of his ship, not tricking any english soldiers. get over it already, will you?
yeah, the words “orlando’s a diva” are found in one of my above posts - but it’s only found WHEN LINKING THE ARTICLE which describes him as one. i never straight out called orlando a diva. once again i’m reminding you to get your facts straight, because this is getting old.
yeah, who needs fans who can criticize and see the negative aspect of an actor/musician/whoever. i mean, shouldn’t all fans be unhealthily obsessed and ready to bear the children of whoever it is they like? shouldn’t all fans be unable to see the negative aspects of these stars?
please. grow up.
July 23rd, 2006 at 10:43 pm
Ah shit… I typo’d… left the “o” off of Orlando… Must be the frikken unbearable HEAT that’s cooking the brain cells…
Cheers,
Adriane
July 24th, 2006 at 12:19 am
My god I can’t believe I just read every single comment on that post. The scale was funny. Every bloom fan who isnt below 16 is weird.
July 24th, 2006 at 12:28 am
yay! I’m 18 and no longer a young fan girl as i was back at lotr. so i can have a valid opinion!
Jay- I do’nt know if anyone else has suggested this: test out Elizabethtown. It’s a smaller film in which he is the star. It’s completely different from all his medieval stuff. Let us know what you think.
I’ve adored Orlando since lotr, and I’ve seen almost everyone of his movies. He’s always in the type of movies that I like (historical/medieval/in the past)so I like him. I don’t think he was that bland in lotr. But he just didn’t have a huge role. I don’t remember Legolas doing much in the books either.
But Pirates, the first one he was better. Because there were less people and he had something valid to do. But the second one. It was unfortunate that there was just so much (too much in my opinion) going on that he got lost by the big people (Nigh, Depp, and drawing a blank Barbosa). I feel bad, because I have to agree a bit. I found myself not realizing he was there. I like his character for his compassion and determination for what he is striving for. I was in luuuurve with Will, and didn’t get attatched to his other characters between 1 and 2. So I got off the fandom.
And his love for Elizabeth. I had to focus on him though. But then I was too engrossed in Depp’s character.
Personaly, I don’t think it’s entirely him. I think it’s the parts/dialogue he does as well. Legolas wasn’t given a huge part. I must defend Troy: He’s playing Paris. And Paris was a pansy-@&$. So he did the part well.
But I appreciate humor on anyone. Rude? eh. To the chart all i thought was:gently scolding: come now…that’s not nice. The humor was more the point right? I love reading parodies of things I like. To pick fun at the people. I find it amusing because we all have things to be parodied. Don’t go overboard and you’re fine. I don’t think this article was overboard. I really like Orlando from what I know of him, and I was giggling at the article.
I do have a great respect for his lifestyle. Not doing the hollywood party scene. More of a home kid and grounded.
Give him time. Let him do other stuff. He’s only been out for what 5 years? And he has had quite a bit of movies. So hollywood must see something. He’s got plenty of time.
July 24th, 2006 at 8:15 am
i agree he is pretty bland.. he is also not much of a man’s man on the screen.. he looks more like a thespian in a movie.. his real home must be broadway… anyway he’s making some bucks so you got to give him that.. he’s going to need to rewok his image tho because any guy that sees his mug on a poster as a lead is going to immediately think chick flick or coming out of the closet party… sorry orlando.. you seem like a nice guy but you gotta butch it up a little or maybe be the crazy guy..
i think that harrison ford should be furth down the chart =)
July 24th, 2006 at 9:07 am
No, I will not get over it. I will never get over it. I will think about this comment till I am a nasty old hag sitting in my rocking chair, on the porch swing, knitting ugly socks, with my cane at my side, glass of lemonade and probably some feminine version of viagra on the table.
And in my head (while I’m knitting my ugly socks)will be the constant reminder of what you said about Orlando scowling at Johnny– (even though I seriously doubt that was the case, since Orlando in every interview he was given has nothing but the upmost respect for johnny) and that you indeed said Orlando was a diva–since the way the sentence is worded does imply you felt that way regardless if you meant it or not.
Perhaps on that day I’m sitting on the porch with my lemonade and viagra–I will even tell my children and grandchildren and great great grandchildren how you said “this is stupid and not worth arguing about it”–”and” that fans apparently should dwell on the negative aspect of an actor they enjoy on screen. (okay, sorry, but you seemed rather adamant about Orlando being rude and bland, so I fail to see how you’re a fan. Hey, that ryhmed! Nifty)
Anyway, we may ponder this by the fire, or maybe I’ll make cookies–you know, the kind only grandma can make….
Ahem…as you can probably determine from the scathing sarcasm and bad humor–that I could care less what you think, what people like you think–and I will “think” what I want about this article and the fact that fans should stick up for their admired ones–not bash them to pieces and “think” rude jokes are funny about them.
Good luck to ya hun and your bizarre attempt at being Orlando’s fan. Moving on now.
July 24th, 2006 at 9:12 am
Ashley:
Maybe if you took off your ‘rose-colored’ glasses for once, you would see that not every Orlando fan is a teenybopper. We know he has flaws, as any human would, but when all you spew out is negative things about someone you say you like… well that makes one believe you really have an odd perspective of the word ‘fan’. What DO you consider positive/good where it concerns Orlando? Anything?
Going to the subject of the blooper reel. I can vouch for myself many times that even I can make ’scowls’ towards people when they makes mistakes, even when I KNOW I make some as well. It’s human nature to get annoyed. Just because Orlando did it, now it is a huge deal?? Of course… because everyone has to point out the negativity in actors instead of looking beyond that for just one SECOND.
Orlando a diva? Please. Even if that blog is true, which I’m sure it was exagerated, who cares if Orlando was acting that way?? Who cares if he has two phones? I know many people who have a business phone and private phone? Does that make my boss a diva? looks at him I seriously don’t think so. Just because Orlando decides to go into his trailer without talking to anyone… what? Is he not allowed to be HUMAN and have bad days now that he is an actor? Oh wait, I forgot, he’s not according to his twisted ‘fanbase’. Pity. And I really thought we had a shot here.
And I really don’t think you realize how hypocritical you are acting. When you tell ‘Jen’ to not take everything so seriously, I find it very interesting that you turn right back around and get offensive with her/him. Maybe you should be the one to analyze the term ‘grow up.’
July 24th, 2006 at 9:12 am
Um, I dont want to be an ass. But come on people you have to be able to laugh or your jsut as bad as him(not saying this was bad.) I mean 1. this is a joke site 2. He even said he likes the guy 3. When someone makes fun of someone and you take it offensively your jsut as abd as the person making fun of whomever. you have to be able to control that or your going to be mad about everything. And beleive me I am 260 pounds and I know what its like to be made fun of. But you have to be able to deal with it and/or just ignore it al together. I mean if Orlando sees this he will think nothing of it(I would hope.) So, I just thought it needed to be said. If you get mad over this you need to grow up, BADLY!
July 24th, 2006 at 11:22 am
i’m “getting offensive”? i’m sure you meant getting offended, and i won’t even begin to touch on all of the other spelling and grammatical errors within both of your posts. but anyway… i’m not getting angry at all. i was on my high school’s debate team for years, sweetheart. i’m just getting warmed up.
unlike you, i can talk and discuss something without getting emotionally involved. if you think calling me a bad fan is going to insult me, you’re wrong. all it’s doing is making me laugh at you more.
i’ve done nothing to bash orlando bloom. i voiced my opinions and concerns over his ego, and posted a link to an article where he was described as a diva, and here you teenyboppers go - making a mountain out of a molehill, so to speak. but what else would be expected of high schoolers? drama, drama, drama.
i’m beginning to understand why orlando bloom may avoid his fans whenever he doesn’t have an official outing on his schedule, and also beginning to sympathize with the guy. this is sad.
July 24th, 2006 at 12:35 pm
My words, Jay!
But do you know what’s even more bland than Orlando Bloom? His name.
Orlando Bloom. Orlando and Bloom. Bloom. Orlando. THAT’s bland!
July 24th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
all well and good but coldplay oparachutes bland? man try screamin shiver all the way up the A1 after a night on the beers with the boys that aint bland try red hot chili peppers new album instead.
July 24th, 2006 at 5:09 pm
Im an orlando fan and no im not under 18. and jay u say he was a woos in troy , hello that was the character he was playing! that has nothing to do with his personality in real life! u jay have never met orlando or spoken to him u have no right to say he is bland when u dont even know him.
July 24th, 2006 at 5:19 pm
Well, two of your examples were Legolas and Paris (of Troy). Yes, he does fade into the background - because honestly, he’s supposed to in these roles. Legolas was the least developed character in the book; actually, I’d say he was given more personality in the movie. In the Iliad, Paris wasn’t all that big a character — the story focuses mainly on Achilles and the Trojan war, not the cause of the Trojan war. Paris was a wuss.
July 25th, 2006 at 7:41 am
Ashely:
Darling… I’m 22. Get your facts straight before you start to assume that I am a high school teenybopper.
Who said I was getting emotionally involved? You don’t know me, so don’t assume (yet again) what I am feeling. This topic has barely scratched the surface, along with your pathetic attempt to insult me. Too funny. For you to actually comment on my grammar, that was really lame. Maybe you should start punctuating and capitalizing before you say something to me, eh? Hypocrite.
You go right ahead - sit back and laugh. Because I am doing the same to you, love. Now, I’ll just wait for you to get the last word in again.
Cheers!
July 25th, 2006 at 7:58 am
Sweetie, I’m 29 for the record–and you seem to have a thing about getting in that last word.
I could care less about your debate team, honestly, what does that have to do with anything? In your posts, it is conveyed quite clearly (and while contradicting yourself I might add) that while you are “concerned” about his ego, all else that you said, is nothing more than rude assumptions about a man you never met. You gave the link to the article, signifying that you seem to agree. You grumbled about that blooper reel, signifying that you were irritated, (beyond normal reactions for some reason.) at his behavior. You implied that Orlando is a diva, Orlando needs to “wake up.”
Magic word here: You “IMPLIED.” Therefore, why should I not refute your opinion with one of my own? It seems you are looking for a fight. In which, you got one.
So now you’re insulting me personally, by assuming that I am young. Then the rather useless grammar insults and mispellings. And? What does that prove? I typed fast? Apologies.
You are a tad presumptuous dear, a little arrogant as well. All because someone defends another, should not give the impression of immaturity.
I’ll bow out now: Reply or don’t…makes no difference really. This will be the last time I “waste” my time.
July 25th, 2006 at 12:00 pm
Jen,
I know you are reading this…will you move on already? I will assume anything and everything and I will insult whomever whenever. Who is Orlando Bloom? Oh, that fairy in Troy…I remember…sorta. This article is absolutely true and the scale is 100% accurate. They should have cast Carson instead of Orlando…a little less bland…
July 25th, 2006 at 4:20 pm
I tried reading all of the comments, but despite how hilarious they were, there were too many. This was a good article. Sure, it may be a touch arrogant and harsh, but that is what makes it so entertaining. Personally, I thought some of the harsher… altercations between people were perhaps unnecessary (I respect Orlando as an actor, especially since I have tried acting and know its difficulty) but seriously, this article is only an opinion and meant as a joke. Everyone who was gettting into a hissy-fit because of an online humor article?
Good job Jay.
July 25th, 2006 at 5:00 pm
Jen is just pissed off because so many people who posted have agreed with your article, Jay. She’s too naive to understand that Orlando is 100% PURE BLANDNESS!
July 25th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
yep, you’re right - I’M the one who needs to get in the last word when you’ve been trying to pick a fight with me from the beginning, defending an actor you seem to view as some sort of a hero. (22 and 29? not likely.)
you call me a hypocrite, and my goodness… you need to read your posts and understand what you’re saying before sending them, because you’d realize you’re being a hypocrite yourself in more than one area.
who would have thought other people would have opinions (which are rightfully theirs) that may be negative towards orlando bloom? how dare they?! attacking people for their opinions will get you nowhere in life, my dear.
i insulted your spelling and grammar because it’s ridiculous. i may be lazy in that i don’t want to take the time to capitalize, but the least you can do is educate yourself on the english language so you don’t look like such a dumbass.
anyway, the only thing you’ve accomplished is you’ve made yourself look like a complete retard. way to go! let’s see if you’re truly “bowing out” - or if you want the last word and type out another rambling, incoherent post again.
July 25th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Alright, that’s it! I’m calling an end to this nonsense flame war. You’re all just bickering at each other and throwing around petty disrespect, and generally taking away from the point of the whole site, which is how kick ass I am. Now can we please return this board to its original intention? Either lavish me with praise or crucify ME, but leave each other alone.
And peep the new picture post!
July 25th, 2006 at 11:09 pm
Oh man,
Thanks for the post. It made my day simply because it’s the truth. I don’t care how good looking he is, he’s horrible and should be stashed away on a deserted island. Why couldn’t they just leave him on one of those island after shooting? Why? WHy? I love PoTC but I hate having to watch him. Even Keira was kicking more ass than he was.
July 26th, 2006 at 9:03 am
ok, i actuially agree with the premise o the article….and before i go on….I, like so many others, am a huge fan of Orly. Butttt, i was pretty disappointed in his role of this latest film. Was it him or the writing of the role, I have yet to decide…..but i think i’ll still like him not only because he’s an actor but cause hes a good person.
‘Bland’ is actually a good word to use. but i also think everyone has their own niche in the acting world( for instance Depp is an excellent actor in comedy rolls(pirates, willie-wonka, edward sissorhands) but i dont think he did very well in stuff like ‘open window’ or whatever it was. as for carisma, he does not have it onscreen, but there is definately a sense of it offscreen (sometimes i actually prefer to watch behind the scenes/interviews), good article good point.
ps: what a pic of Toby McGuire to choose!!!
sorry for writing so long
July 26th, 2006 at 9:35 am
[…] I stumbled across TheJay.com via a link on Grabass to this post on Tom Hanks’s hair. Then I got caught up in reading the latest post on Orlando Bloom and his blandness — which I thought was spot-on, but there were others [read: staunch defenders of Orlando and his non-bland awesomeness] who thought differently. Definitely worth a read. […]
July 26th, 2006 at 9:51 am
you know what? you’re just jealous of orlando’s bloom’s hotness and acting skills and how he can get any girl he wants. keep you’re mouth shut and don’t diss any hot celebrities that you can’t compete with.just because you’re girlfriend (although i doubt you have one)likes orlando bloom more than you, you don’t need to try to diss the most popular hottie alive. if you haven’t noticed, pirates of the caribbean has broken the records and passed Spider Man and blew the box offices in their first 4 days of showing. they have made hundreds of millions and that’s only because everyone loved orlando bloom and watched the movie over and over and OVER again.oooh what now?
July 26th, 2006 at 11:24 am
Jay, (hope html works, otherwise ignore the codes ;P )
Well what do you expect when you deliberatly write to a Orlando bloom site telling folks take a look at your article? You’re going to have heated opinions on both sides.
That said; the article itself is well written, but a tad exaggerated. I certainly hope Mr. Bloom proves you wrong, and does a role worth the attention of his critics and their low opinion of him. I hope he “wow’s” you someday. However, if that day comes, I wonder if anyone will give him a chance? It seems many (not all) are a little too eager to agree and throw in the towel so-to-speak on Orlando and his acting. I feel that’s a bit unfair to the man personally.
My final word on the subject? Watch and see. If Orlando stays “bland,” then he does…if he doesn’t then he doesn’t.
Why should it matter so much anyway?
To Ashley: They may well be the ages they say. You have no way of knowing how old anyone is on this board. They may be telling the truth, they may not be–but to assume age based on opposite views, DOES make you look a bit childish. Now, what if they don’t respond? You look like a fool. But hey, to each their own. Do what you like.
July 26th, 2006 at 11:34 am
Orlando SUCKS! and I don’t see his appeal whatsoever. He isn’t that goodlooking. Yeah, he may a young, but I think actors twice his age are better looking. Keanu Reeves, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt for example. Orlando is too pretty and wussy looking whereas the other actors I mention have sexy, masculine looks. Orlando has no charisma onscreen and like Jay says, is very bland.
July 26th, 2006 at 12:37 pm
orlando fan 4life: What do I say to all that gibberish you spouted? I’d say take a look at an actor named Johnny Depp, IIRC he was in the Pirates movie as well. Played a supporting part, I think. He didn’t get much press, but I think he did a good job. Maybe, just maybe, some people went to see it for him?
What do you think?
July 26th, 2006 at 12:54 pm
Ok: Orlando is great,That’s all. He is very good looking (ok everybody knows it…) but he is also a great actor and LOADS of people loves him even if others don’t like him and find him “bland”. Fans don’t have to care and Orlando Bloom himself doesn’t care. Orlando Bloom is popular,Orlando Bloom is famous,Orlando Bloom gets roles,Orlando Bloom is rich,Orlando Bloom is gorgeous and Orlando Bloom has a LOT of fans. If some people find him bland who cares? So to conclude we can say that this article is pointless and that all those angry reactions are pointless too. Let them think what they want,the proof is that Bloom has 3 mobies listed in the greatest movies ever and is one of the most popular actor of his generation. Call him bland(booo…) and he will still be. So once more who cares about what haters think?
July 26th, 2006 at 1:06 pm
wow, yeah, i really look like a fool just because i stand up when someone wants to attack me for voicing my opinions. please. ask me if i care what you think, cause i can promise you the answer is no.
i assumed age based upon their inane responses, not upon their opposing views. i didn’t think that much was hard to figure out, but… i guess you never know with some people.
sorry for the bickering done on my end, jay. you won’t hear it from me anymore.
July 26th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
OMG! orlando fan 4life, you have to be totally stupid if your think everyone went to see “Pirates….” for Orlando. Ummmm, you see, there’s this other guy in the movie, maybe you heard of him..his name is Johnny Depp. HE’s the actor everyone went to see, not no-talent, dull-as-a-tree-stump Orlando. Get your facts straight!
July 26th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
A mildly humerous article, insulting but then, that IS the intent, is it not?
We could have easily replaced Orlando Bloom’s name with Hayden Christensen, Chris Evans,Brandon Routh (ahem),Tobey Macguire, Jmae Franco, Ethan Hawkes, Brad Pitt, etc.etc… even Tom Cruise, whom I find incredibly painful to watch “act”. All working actors that have been able to “make it” There are so very few actors who ever even make it to that level of the industry, much less, a lead role. Some fi them I find as charismatic as lin, but apparently others disagree with my assessment.
I rather like Orlando Bloom. I think he has talent, but more importantly, he is working hard to get better at doing his job and it shows. I think Mr Bloom has moments in POTC -2 that are brilliant. There are others that are just plain “decent” and a few that miss the mark; like all actors (including St. Depp ) For example: I thought he did beautifully in the “tenacle-lifting scene”, the saying goodbye to Elizabeth scene and some of the scenes on the Flying dutchman. Ithought the comedy bits he had were quite good (the “dizzy” routine after the three-way sword fight was great physical comedy.) He has improved as an actor over the last few films, (more that I can say for poor Hayden, I’m afraid) and my guess that he is, as are most actors, one who truly must learn his craft, not a natural talent.
Never been to your site before today. But after having a mean-spritied laugh at the unflattering pictures of celebrities and the rather cruel-but-funny captions; it would be hypocritical to complain about your “bland” article. SO knowing the spirit in which this entire site is intended… I’ll just go with it. (since had you written something critcal about, say Tobey, or Hayden who really are not very good actors..I’d be nodding my head in total agreement!)
July 26th, 2006 at 2:45 pm
uhmm… hi… ya… Orlando Bloom is the complete opposite of bland… kay? he’s gorgeous. You shouldn’t have even written this. Nobody and I mean nobody could be a better actor than him. I understand this is your opinion but honestly… do you think if I see this i won’t say anything. For all the fans of this dashing man Orlando Bloom would probably agree with me. You honestly have nothing else to do than just go ahead and say Orlando Bloom is bland…. that’s just sad and low. mmkay!? Goodbye now!
July 26th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
Casey: I’m glad you had a laugh at the new Picture This post, and appreciate that you can separate not agreeing with an article and not liking a website, but it’s important to reassert the point of the Orlando Bloom piece. An assertion I can’t believe I have to continue to make. I don’t think Orlando Bloom is a bad actor. I just don’t think he’s particularly charismatic or interesting. Hence the blandness. Keep that in mind if you ever re-read the piece.
July 27th, 2006 at 7:41 am
I love how many people seem to miss the point of this article.
You’ve said something horrible about Orlando - how dare you! You have penis envy! Nobody could be as good as Orlyworlykins; he’s beautiful!
Ahem. Sorry, the ridiculousness got to me.
Nice one.
July 27th, 2006 at 10:07 am
Hello people. Hello Jay. (You’re a person too, but you’re special, being the owner of this here blog.)
July 27th, 2006 at 10:48 am
Jay, ya know, you may be right…my reply was not quite aligned with your article. ( I’m big enough to admit it!)
Still lovin’ the celeb pics, still thinking there are others even MORE bland.
Speaking of “to(o) bland” or “not to(o) bland”… I fnally rented “Phone Booth” with party-boy and not-so-bland lead Colin Farrell. I got to say I wasn’t impressed with his over-emoting. And yet I was told it was such impressive acting that I was eager to see it. (having suffered through Alexander: YEESH!)
I think he’s the antithesis of Orlando Bloom… They hit the scene about the same time, part of the European invasion of young actors…What’s your take on him? Is he as good as they say? or is his popularity due to his “bad-boy” rep?
July 27th, 2006 at 11:03 am
Casey: I don’t think Colin is the best actor working today, but I like him (and don’t think he’s at all bland). He brings a certain type of manic dirtiness to the screen that no one else since pre-rehab Robert Downy Jr. Plus, he has the good type of celeb baggage. You want to be reminded of all the drinking and womanizing (though Alexander did suck every donkey ball at my local zoo).
I liked Phone Booth, didn’t love it. His acting was melodramatic, but I think the movie called for it. Farrell rocked in SWAT, Minority Report, ruled in Tigerland and was the only good thing in Daredevil. And I bet he’s fun to watch in Miami Vice. At the very least, with respect to Farrell, it’s nice to see a young guy actor not afraid to be an asshole or a drunk. It does make him the antithesis of OB, who tries to hard to be as anti-septic as humanly possible.
July 27th, 2006 at 3:13 pm
I’ve asked everyone that I know who has heard of him and NOBODY said he was bland!!!! Everyone said he was intersting in his movies.I agree with them.
July 27th, 2006 at 3:14 pm
Then tell all your biased friends to come on to the site, read the piece and reevaluate.
July 27th, 2006 at 3:29 pm
I’ll give ya Minority Report.. forgot he was in that.
July 27th, 2006 at 6:46 pm
colin is blander than bland jay
July 27th, 2006 at 6:57 pm
colin is blander than bland jay phone booth sucked
July 28th, 2006 at 10:20 pm
Hey i am an orlando lover but i just wanted to say that i think toast it very interesting and not bland as you say. All you have to do it put it with something good. Same goes for Orlando. He just has to be in the kinda movie/situation.
July 28th, 2006 at 11:41 pm
Jay:
You must be rubbing your hands in glee. Crucify some poor beggar who is reputed to have a loyal fan base, in the name of HUMOUR(?) no less, and stand back to enjoy the fun. What a way to get people to read this twaddle. And you make a living out of this? You are just a parasite.
July 29th, 2006 at 2:23 pm
u know what i think. I am sick of people bashing on every celebrity that comes around. Did you ever stop and think that a lot of them don’t want to act for the money they do it to entertain us. Yes I am an orlando bloom fan along with many other actors. You have your right to an opinion but do you have to be such a jerk about it. Don’t you think celebrities have enough to worry about. Honestly how would you feel if someone talked about you like that I don’t think you would feel very good. I am sick of all the people who think they can be better then someone if they make fun of them. its not right at all.Next time why don’t you think about what you are doing before you do it!!
July 29th, 2006 at 11:21 pm
liz:
Did you ever stop and think that a lot of them don’t want to act for the money they do it to entertain us.
Yes.
You have your right to an opinion but do you have to be such a jerk about it.
Yes.
Don’t you think celebrities have enough to worry about?
No.
Honestly how would you feel if someone talked about you like that?
Are you kidding? Read some of the above comments. Or the ones on my Keanu post, or the ones on my Tom Hanks post. Or the ones on my Owen Wilson post. I could keep going.
July 31st, 2006 at 11:00 pm
I disagree with your article almost entirely, but I respect your opinion and even more I respect that you backed it up. I don’t think you were overly harsh or tried to attack Orlando. People who love Orlando have no reason to be offended by this article. They’re free to think whatever they want- no one is trying to stop them. However, I do think the scale of bland was pretty rude. You didn’t even explain why it was set that way, you just labeled people and things as bland like they didn’t matter. I think Will Smith is very interesting and oatmeal is my favorite breakfast!
Jay, I appreciate the attempt to make people think about things in another way even if you didn’t convince me. Also, I love your article about Keanu, he is completely underrated. The only bad thing I have to say about your website is that a lot of your articles seem to make a point of disagreeing with popular opinion. I may be very wrong, but is it possible you’re trying to stir things up? Keep writing, and I’ll keeping reading.
-A Jay AND Orlando fan
August 1st, 2006 at 12:57 am
Jay u r a bum chum
August 1st, 2006 at 9:14 am
Amanda: I’m not trying to stir things up, but I do like to look at things from different perspectives. This is a site designed to question what you’re told from Hollywood. And that’s what I’m doing. Bare in mind, I love movies, TV, Pop Culture as a whole. I just expect more; and when I’m not given that, I get angry. And celebrities wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
August 1st, 2006 at 4:46 pm
they need to take all of that back he’s a good actor I went to POTC2 twice I’m going to keep going til it comes out on dvd, YOU don’t know what YOU r talking about. it makes me mad when people like YOU down talk him like that, it’s just not right, He’s been through alot and I think I speak 4 all of the Orlando Bloom fans. when I say, that You don’t what he went through to get where he is now. I think that You need to go back and re-write all of that and write something nice about him.
August 2nd, 2006 at 11:25 am
Carmen, Jay doesn’t have to re-write anything. He is entitled to his oppinion just as you are. I, too, happen to think Orlando is bland and don’t care a thing for him. To me, JOHNNY DEPP made POTC2 worthwhile, not Orlando. So just as you love Orlando, I don’t. It’s just a matter of oppinion and so Jay made his, and he made it quite funny and cleverly done, I must say.
August 3rd, 2006 at 12:42 pm
How bland? When you mentioned Elizabethtown, which I have seen, I thought “Was he in that? The lead guy? Really?” I had to go look it up to