Just How Bland Is Orlando Bloom, Really?

orlando bloom in troyI finally got around to seeing the new Pirates of the Caribbean flick, and while I didn’t love it (unbelievable special effects, unbelievably annoying script), I found myself inexplicably intrigued by one facet of the movie: Orlando Bloom’s complete and utter blandness. Over the course of a butt-killing two and a half hours I watched him swordfight, romance Keira Knightley, jump around, do some swimming, be dramatic, play some dice and generally be swashbuckling, yet at no time during the entire proceeding was I riveted by his performance. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he’s a bad actor; he hits all his marks, he commits to the role, he says his lines well, he’s not ugly, but there’s just nothing to him that sparks any interest in me. I mean he’s dashing and all. He’s dashing. But wouldn’t it have been more interesting if that part was played by say… Ewan McGregor? Or Ryan Gosling? Wouldn’t you have rather seen Captain Jack Sparrow tangle with Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Think back through Orlando’s small cinematic resume and you’ll find that he fades into the background of pretty much every movie he takes. Sure, he was cool as Legolas in Fellowship of the Ring, but other than the awesome way he mounted his dewback-like creature in The Two Towers, there was absolutely nothing interesting about him in the final two movies. He was relegated to a bit part, supporting player even though he was IN the freaking Fellowship. In Troy, you’re watching Brad Pitt and Eric Bana be all sorts of bad ass, and Brian Cox is delivering those classic one-liners (“…then every son of Troy shall diiiiiie!!), but what’s Orlando doing? Boning the blond chick from National Treasure? Standing around looking wussy? I would have preferred Vincent Chase. Moving on, Orlando was flat out paint-dryingly boring in Elizabethtown, completely harmless and ineffective in Kingdom of Heaven, and blown off the screen by a fey, rococo Johnny Depp in Pirates.

I can not recall a moment where I’ve been watching Orlando Bloom act in a movie and thought to my self “Man, that guy’s got charisma. I just can’t take my eyes off of him.” What I do remember every time I finish an Orlando flick, however, is saying to myself: “Was Orlando Bloom in that movie? Really? Are you sure it wasn’t, like, Freddie Prinze Jr., or something?”.

So just how bland is Orlando Bloom, really? Blander than brown rice? Blander than Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House? Blander than the color beige? I tried to put his blandness into words, but found myself uncharacteristically speechless. I tried to compare him to more charismatic actors, but that doesn’t seem fair to the other actors. So in need of a way to properly chart Orlando’s total bland-osity, I created the first ever Pop Culture Scale of Bland***. And just like Pirates 2 is storming the box office, good ‘ole Legolas stormed the Bland chart. Let’s see how it all came together.

the pop culture scale of bland

So according to my remarkably precise Pop Culture Scale of Bland, Orlando Bloom is far blander than Tobey Maguire and vanilla yogurt, just a bit blander than a head of lettuce, and exactly as bland as white bread and the entire CBS primetime line up. That seems about right. So another of life’s most important questions solved here at TheJay.com. It’s all in a day’s work.


*** If you want to display “The Pop Culture Scale of Bland” on your site please make sure to include a credit and a link to www.TheJay.com. Thank you.

(Follow me on Twitter @jasonamatthews)


  1. subrosa says:

    It’s funny and brillant as usual !
    I think you gonna have a lots of comments by Orlando’s fans in the next day.

    Bon courage !

  2. rockwilder says:

    Love the bland chart. You are so creative and cute!

  3. ashley says:

    “but what’s Orlando doing? Boning that blond chick? Standing around looking wussy?”

    HAHA! how true…
    too funny. loved it.

  4. slapparr says:

    well, I’m an Orlando fan and i’ve gradually been forced to face with the fact that I’m not sure he’a where he is for his acting skills…… I loved Lord of the Rings, but the stuff he has done since has been dissapointing/boring. Even Pirates 2 (which i much preferred to the first) you had to kind of ignore the acting in places….
    Ooops – sorry Orlando!

  5. Maiafay says:

    Rude, and only your opinion. You’re entitled to it, but you get your ass up on that screen and act. It’s harder than it looks. Not saying Orlando is perfect, and I’m not 14 (to shut of the warning siren in your head probably whooping right now that I’m a tiny little fan girl–29 and right now irritated with you.) Lets just agree to disagree on this one–which seems to be that your male (most males bash Orlando to pieces for some reason.) and obviously are being hyper-critical. The man himself is a nice guy–contrary to many of the self involved spoiled hollywood actors out there that forget their fans and that WE gave them their little limo’s and grand houses. We stop watching–they lose their wealth. So easily they forget. However Orlando seems down to earth and generally a nice person. Leave the guy alone; he does need to improve, but at least he’s trying with every film, and at least he’s making a shitload of money doing it–

    Thats more than I can say for you.


  6. Melissa says:

    You know what’s funny… I got this link off of an Orlando fan site.. :P Yes, I love Orlando, why…well.. I can’t really put my finger on it.. and trust me.. I have ALWAYS said he has yet to prove to me he can act well. I have said multiple times he needs to ask Guildhall for his tutition money back. He IS bland.. and I am glad that someone finally put it all into prospective. However….MEET him in person…he is anything but bland. He is quite the silver tongued suave Hollywoodish playboy…or is that all an act.. Just like the Tootsiepop mystery…the world will never know.

    Nice column!

  7. Linda says:

    Given the huge and impressive number of girls all around the world that are crazy in love with Orlando Bloom, I guess that somehow he must have at least a ounce of charisma… There are many many beautiful actors out there and nobody has the success he has with women all around the world so I guess he must have somethin’ else that you just don’t get. He has a huge fan base and I guess that if he was THAT bland,he wouldn’t. I’m not particularly an Orlando Bloom fan and I find you’re article funny,well written and original but still I think that it’s a little bit exagerated. Let’s face it he isn’t the best actor in the world but he does have somethin’ that make him one of a kind and different from all the other typical hunks that all look,act and sound the same.

  8. Theresa says:

    i am a fan of Orlando and i will agree, that all films he has been in, the other actors (Viggo Mortensen, Elijah wood, Sir Ian Mckellan, Kirsten Dunst,Eric Banner, Brad Pitt, Liam Neason, Jeremy Irons, Johnny Depp, Bill Nighy.) All out shine him, but we must remember, that these men and women have been in the buisness far longer. He came out of college and landed a part in the lord of the rings, which was bloody lucky, so really he hasn’t had the time to really proove himself. Hopefully with Haven due to be realeased on Sep 15th, he will proove himself as a creditable actor…..He also has a film that he will be doing with Kate Bosworth (Seasons of dust) I think it’s called and i believe, sho will outshine him, because she was brilliant in superman.

  9. Nic says:

    Go easy on Orlando.I mean the guy’s got Bony-butt Bosworth for a !*$% buddy.He could be hovering around his cell on set worrying he’ll be getting a call saying she’s suffered an internal organ malfunction or an osteoporosis related break to one her malnourished bones.

  10. Greg Swaney says:

    He’s got all these women swooning over him but I don’t think he’s that great….pshhh

  11. The Jay says:

    Theresa: I’ve seen Haven, keep waiting.

  12. Interesting... says:

    For someone so bland…he certainly got your attention. Lay off and don’t see his movies if you’re that irritated with him.

  13. The Jay says:

    I love it when people read my work and then write a nasty unfounded, uneducated comment.

    I’m not irritated with him. I went to great lengths in the intro to express that I don’t think he’s a bad actor, just a bland guy.

    Try not to be so reactionary when you’re reading a humor site. But still, thanks for reading.

  14. Hi Jason,

    thanks for sending in the link, which we just published on our Orlando Bloom website. Your article is funny although I think you will be hated by many now. But it’s a great way to draw attention to a website. ;-)

    Kind & respectful regards,
    Full Bloom Webmaster

  15. Interesting...again says:

    “quote” I love it when people read my work and then write a nasty unfounded, uneducated comment.

    I’m not irritated with him. I went to great lengths in the intro to express that I don’t think he’s a bad actor, just a bland guy.

    Try not to be so reactionary when you’re reading a humor site. But still, thanks for reading. “end quote”

    *What did you expect? I don’t find it humourous when someone writes demeaning things about another. Even if I don’t know him personally. Neither do you. I would get offended anyway if it was some other actor up here and not Orlando Bloom. Too many people want to be a stinking critc all of a sudden. Please, we have enough of the useless snobs to begin with. Why add to their number?

    Where I agree that Orlando needs improvement–I disagree that he’s bland. It may be the roles and the writing that is the problem–maybe he needs to break away and do a different type of movie. Who knows.

    Johnny Depp may have turned his role in POTC into something pivotal and unique, yet, would he have back in his 21 jump street days? No, I don’t think so. Which leads me to think Orlando will get better the more roles he takes on.

    Also–the chart was a bit much, and really uncalled for–that right there is what sparked my anger. So sorry, being reactionary is what you should expect. Despite this article being supposedly funny, I failed to see the humor.

  16. Nicole says:

    Orlando can be as bland as white bread. He doesn’t even have to speak… just look hot.

  17. Stef says:

    You know what, hon? You keep your opinion, I’ll keep mine. If someone decides to make a movie of Orlando Bloom sitting on the floor in a white room reading from the London phone directory, I’ll buy a ticket. He’s that exquisite.

  18. Stef says:

    P.S. Funny article though :-)

  19. Theresa says:

    So Jay. Are you saying that in Haven he is also bland in that? Or is he really fantastic?

  20. The Jay says:

    Theresa: I’m saying the wait continues for a non-bland Bloom performance. He barely registers a pulse for most of the movie. Though he does spend most a lot of the movie shirtless, if that makes things up for his fanbase.

  21. Maram says:

    Hmm Jay, you are right when you say that an article written in a humor site as an attempt to attract reactions shouldn’t really be taken seriously.

    You have a great stile and funny in writing, but you really forgot to add this very article in the “The Pop Culture Scale of Bland”- one whole step beneath Orlando Bloom. That would be honest and way funnier than assessing the GUY and not even his acting abbilities, as you pointed out in your last reply.

    Actually I think that your judgement is beyond rude, unless you can actually prove you know this O. Bloom personally to call him a “bland guy”and aren’t just being reactionary to a fandom phenomenon …

    I will clarify that I am not calling YOU a bland person (since I don’t know you) but this article … and the intention you had writing it.

    Enjoy and good vibes

  22. The Jay says:

    Interesting…again: Johnny Depp made Edward Scissorhands when he was 27. Orlando Bloom is now 28 and has done nothing even comparable to that performance. So yes, I think Johnny would have crushed Capt. Jack even back then. The man did Benny & Joon, Ed Wood and Cry Baby before he was 30. That’s why Johnny Depp is still working today, because he’s not just a pretty face. If Orlando didn’t have that bone structure he’d just be another rake, trolling from audition to audition, wishing he had been lucky enough to get LotR.

  23. Nic says:

    I can’t believe someone actually thought Bosworth was a good Lois.She was BLAND.This may be one actor Orlando can outshine.And I’m not just typing that because I don’t have any liking or respect for pin thins.Compared to his skinny reared, chestless galpal he’s the far better actor.If someone gave me a choice between their films,well,I’d most definately pick his over hers any day.But,as I said don’t be too hard on him.To be honest, I’ve not seen any good new young actors in years.Good looking yes,but not all that talented.

  24. Nic says:

    And that chart is wickedly funny.

  25. Interesting says:

    Again…only your opinion…Let’s agree to disagree. It seems to be the theme here.

    Don’t write insults–then expect people not to hurl them right back. The whole “dish it, but can’t take it” comes to mind. My original comment was not that bad…not as bad as how you precieved it. Yet, the more you speak about Orlando, the more you seem to get nasty and personal. Now you’re talking about his face and his personality. That he’s a okay actor, but the man is bland?

    How the f*$% do you know? You DON”T KNOW HIM. I don’t either, but at least I’m not writing about someone being bland by just what he plays in movies.

  26. The Jay says:

    Interesting: I’m not taking any of this personally. We can agree to disagree, that’s fine. But one thing I do want to clear up… “we” don’t know actors / stars. We see them on TV, or in the movies, we read interviews or see interviews, we see pictures of them in US Magazine and the like. We get a persona, not the real person. That persona is what I’m labeling, not the person. I’m sure he’s a commendable guy in real life. But the public persona of the “Orlando Bloom” brand is bland. All I’m saying.

  27. Astrojen says:

    They said the exact same things about Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp when their careers were only getting off the ground. Why the hell does everyone have to crucify an actor cos he’s pretty? OK, so I have seen better acting in my 36 years on this planet but I’ll tell you one thing…I’ve got a suspicion that this guy is just getting warmed up. He’s said himself in many interviews that he’s still learning his craft. You wait and see, one of these days Bloom will blow us away. And when he’s up there accepting that Oscar, let’s see how you enjoy THAT blandness. ;>

    Jen ;->

  28. The Jay says:

    Astrojen: I’m not crucifying him for that, though I do think it’s helped his career. He did well in LotR, Pirates was successful, he stars in a lot of high grossing movies, which perpetuates his being cast in more big budget movies. I need to see him be interesting and great in a small film. One that require him to do more than weild a sword or shoot a bow and arrow.

  29. GeorgeAClarke says:

    Have met this young actor on three different ocassions. Very nice man. Very quiet and polite. A lot has happened in his life over the last decade. He’s just coming into his own. Watch for Haven in September. I’ve seen it already, and he’s got more to show. I beleive he’s just getting started and has what it takes to keep going. You watch. He’s the new Johnny Depp.

  30. Tabiths says:

    I’m not so mad about the fact that you are bashing Orlando (even thou I was upset be that), but more mad that anyone would or could be that mean to someone. That was just down right rude. You not only bashed Orlando, but also all the other things and people on your “scale of bland****”, I mean come on, no one needs to be that mean to anyone. If you don’t like someone or you don’t like they way they do something, say it in a way that will be constructive, not hurtful. You don’t need to be rude about. Glad you have an opinion (and you have a right to one), but couldn’t you be alittle less mean and hurtful when you express it.


  31. Giselle says:

    Props to you! I am sure Orlando Bloom is a perfectly nice human being and cute too but he must be the luckiest guy on earth. He has zero charisma onscreen and when he has to actually star in a film, it is so OBVIOUS. He is the Tab Hunter of his generation.

  32. Kimmy says:

    Hi. All I have to say is that I know that your entitled to your opinnion and I accept that but lay off on Orlando Bloom!He’s been in movies and that’s probably more than you can say for yourself! And I thought that he was pretty intersting in the Pirates movies!~Kimmy~

  33. Arisma says:

    I love Orlando Bloom. From LotR on.

    But OMG you’re so right. Bland. Perfect word. The chart? Hilarious.

    note- Fangirls, stop. You look pathetic. You’re doing nothing to help his reputation, just further cementing him as a pretty boy with a prepubescent (That means young) female fanbase. I’ve been where you are. Yes, be angry. Grar, how dare they? But don’t post about it here, you just look silly.

  34. A-Train says:

    Hey Tabiths, this is what the Internet is for, “slandering others anonymously.” If you don’t like mean, I suggest you turn off your computer or at the very least, avoid the Internet altogether.

  35. Alaina says:

    I am a huge fan of Orlando, but this article was very well written! I disagree with some of your points, but it did make me smile! The Chart is hilarious! Like I said, I do not fully agree, but I took this with a light hearted mood and with a grain of salt, and found it to be a joy to read!

  36. Kimmy says:

    Oh and I think that Johnny Depp has played REALLY creepy parts.creepy like turn the channel/turn off the DVD player creepy.im not saying he’s a bad actor, I like some of his roles, but I’d rather be bored then creeped out!


  37. Kimmy says:

    Arisma, Mabey the “fangirls” want to express their anger from this!is it such a crime?

  38. Claire says:

    How was any of this mean? I didn’t see a single criticism of his character, his acting skills, or his appearance. He’s just a hottie who happens to have as much impact on a movie as the scenery. Important, yes; visually appealing, definitely; but pretty forgettable compared to Cap’n Jack’s drunken, sun-dazed swagger.

    In fact, what I got from this was quite encouraging. I think we all hope that he develops a persona that matches his talent and good looks!

  39. Morwen says:

    If anyone is laughing at this whole thing, it’s Orlando. Thanks for the publicity. I adore him and I’m old enough to be his mother. I am laughing, too.

  40. slapparr says:

    Brilliant set of comments everyone!!! it highlights exactly the problems Mr. Bloom faces if he is going to achieve Longevity. He does have something when he’s on screen for me, but i don’t think its currently his acting ;-) …… fingers crossed he’ll find this from somewhere in future projects!! I love the comment about sitting in a white room reading from the phone direct – I WOULD SOOOOO WATCH THAT!!!

    Good weekend all XX

  41. Orlando rules says:

    well what can i say except u r all pathetic little loosers who just sit at home and bitch about very talented people who actually HAVE a life!.
    Time to get off your ass step away from your computer screen and find somthing to do.

  42. HA says:

    my god u make me laugh u sad little person who ever wrote this

  43. Theresa says:

    So Kimmy are you saying that you’d rather watch OB and be bored. Rather than watch Johnny and be creeped out?

    Don’t get me wrong, i am huge OB fan more so than Johnny Depp, but some of the films he has done have been rather boring (Elizabeth town) I fell alseep….sorry, but pirates was hilliarious. He was great in that, especially when he and the other pirates were swinging in that caged ball….i cracked up laughing

  44. Mel says:

    Hmm. I can understand why people would think Orlando is bland, but this article did over exaggerate on the situation, I think. He is still a young actor and he definitely has a lot to learn. Of course he isn’t one of those people that just comes into his first movie like a pro and wins an Oscar. Not many of them do. It takes years to get to that level. Give him some credit – at least he’s trying. It is a hard job, contrary to popular belief. And maybe I’m biased, seeing as how I’ve loved him since his Legolas days, but I do see the progression through his movies. He’s trying to take on different roles in order to expand his horizon, as well. But if you consider the people he’s worked with, of course he’s going to blend into the background when these actors are pretty much legacies on the screen. And I completely disagree with the idea of Ewan McGregor taking the role of Will Turner. First of all, he doesn’t have that naive innocence about him, and he’s ugly. Really bad choice right there.

    I also have to add that I am a person that can laugh at pretty much anything (huge sense of humour), but I found nothing humorous about this post. It was condescending in every possible way, no matter how many times you claim otherwise. If you want to talk about blad, maybe you should look in the mirror, bud. ;)

  45. Amy says:

    I found this exteremely enjoyable for two reasons: (a) your article is spot-on, and (b) everyone getting their panties in a twist here in the comments just made my day.

    I’ve been watching Troy recently [it's been a week and I still haven't had time to watch the entire thing, but I know I'm near the end because Eric Bana just died and Brad just got shot] and was similarly unimpressed with Orlando’s performance. I keep thinking “when is he actually going to do something?”

    I’m sure he’s a great guy. He’s been in some pretty good movies. But there’s not a single movie he’s been in that I’d put on just to watch his performance. [Note that there is definitely a difference between watching him and watching his performance.] Maybe he’ll come into his own, maybe not. I hope so, for the sake of the future movies in which he’s going to be cast for his name and face.

  46. amber says:

    Hahaha. He is quite bland. I saw Pirates and kind of forgot about him. He says almost everything in the same intonation. It’s like when Leonard Cohen sings, except that I love Leonard to pieces. Orlando, not so much. He’s just too forgettable. Unfortunate, considering how facially blessed he is.

  47. Nikki says:

    1st off, I love Orlando. He’s really a better guy than most actors, he actually loves his fans. He isn’t the best actor in the world but he’s not as bad as you make him seem. Yes, he does need improvement but, I think he’s making easy on himself because he got Legolas so early. And he’s been sorta lucky, with 2 trilogies. But yea quit bashing Orlando.

  48. Theresa says:

    Yeah, you are right Nikki, but that is why so many people bash Orlando, because he is the one that got lucky….and good for him

  49. Carrie says:

    To Amy….

    What did you want him to do? He played a wimpy character that wasn’t supposed to be the hero. He was a supporting role, so I have no idea what you expected. The article is rude–straight up.

    Not that it’s ruining my day or anything, but I could have done without the snide remarks and “chart.” The author needs to find a better past time.

  50. The Jay says:

    Dammit, it wasn’t a chart, it was a scale! Jeebus!

  51. Amy says:

    Carrie –

    Something tells me that this article wasn’t supposed to be taken as seriously as it’s been taken. Lighten the heck up, everyone.

    And just because a character is a supporting one doesn’t mean he has to be wimpy. Okay, so Paris wasn’t exactly a hero. But I didn’t get any passion in the portrayal of the character. He was supposed to love Helen so very very much, and I didn’t feel it at all. Maybe it’s just me. And guess what? However “rude” you might think all of this is, it’s just an opinion, and no one has to like it.

  52. Catherine says:

    This is hilarious, and I LOVE your blandness scale!

    The thing that’s always frustrated me about Orlando Bloom is that he was always so animated and full of life in the LotR interviews, and so forth, but doesn’t carry that sort of presence into his performances. He does come across as terminally bland in his films.

    As to those who say that Johnny Depp didn’t have any depth as a younger actor, I must respectfully disagree. ’21 Jump Street’ may not have been Shakespeare, but he did get a few chances to stretch a bit there, and he used them to some advantage, I think.

  53. sandy says:

    Hmm, one clarification to the person who claimed Orlando Bland, I mean Bloom, merely has a teen-aged fanbase. You have no idea how many Demi Moore-like ladies (OK, we don’t look like her) are out here admiring Orlando’s poetic face. Yes, these ladies read every interview, catch all the video clips and think Orlando is worth the attention because he is absolutely genuine in his fan appreciation (that is a fact) and his enthusiam for life.

    But… the man is on the cusp of 30 and he keeps claiming he is still figuring out the acting gig. Fine, that’s great, one lives to learn, but if I measure his acting against say, my career and work performance, if I turned in such performances, I’d be terminally unemployed. But supporters keep hoping the brief glimpses they see will finally gel into one truly inspired acting job. At least that’s my take.

    Orlando needs to find his Tim Burton directorial muse. I hope, for his sake, he does so just to make a few critics pat him on his beautiful head. Being called the “donut hole” of a flick (“Kingdom of Heaven” review) must suck so bad.

    Just my little POV.

    PS: Funny how you chose a pic from “Troy.” Orlando wasn’t bland in that, he was pathetic and decorative, which actually worked part of the time. Unfortunately it certainly created soggy, limp romance.

  54. The Jay says:

    Frankly, it was the only picture of him that I could find where he wasn’t a) shirtless b) soaking wet c) looking pensive with hair in his face, or d) all of the above.

    Plus I think he looks wussy in the armor, which was a plus.

  55. TomTom says:

    Been reading your blog for a wee while now Jay, and virtually every time it brings a smile to my face. Everybody loves lists…

    You’re right too. Orlando is a bit, well, bleh. Ok. So-so. Not bad. Acceptable. Satisfactory.

    Am I right in thinking that the Studio demanded he was cast in Kingdom of Heaven, despite Ridley Scott’s protests? That’s got to say something. He just doesn’t have enough gravitas to handle the roles he’s being shoved into.

    Eminently forgettable in Black Hawk Down, always sporting the same forced, just-about-ready-for-a-fight manner in Pirates, but…I’ll give him this – take a look at him in “The Calcium Kid”. He’s actually pretty good in it. It might be because he’s playing closer to home, closer to his own personality. I don’t know. Hopefully there’s more to come, but I just hope he doesn’t sully too many potentially great movies along the way…

  56. peace pipe says:

    yeah, i’d say your chart of blandness is pretty much right on, except that i like csi miami which is on cbs. but yeah, when orlando bloom first appeared on my radar i thought, “Oh, cool! a hot young actor for me to watch and hopefully grow to love.” but he has been a huge disapointment. nothing about him interests me and his performances are less than inspiring.

  57. Shelly says:

    Wow…talk about penis envy…If Orlando Bloom was so bland, why did you feel the need to write a pointless article about how bland he is. I agree with someone who wrote before saying he’s not perfect, but, hello! He’s young. Johnny Depps in his 40′s and I’d say he’s in the prime of his life. I’m pretty sure someone thought him as “bland” at one point in his life. Sadly, people in this world think that by the time you reach 20 something, you’ve learned everything you need to know in life. Nobody stops learning, Orlando Bloom included. So next time you feel the need to point out someone elses “blandness”, look at your own.

  58. Becca loves Orli says:

    If Orlando is so bland why do directors still hire him? Cause he has something others don’t, besides good looks, he has fantastic charisma!

  59. ashley says:

    oh my… penis envy? lol, are you serious? how exactly would anyone be jealous of orlando bloom’s penis size… considering we’ve never seen it? or even heard rumors as to how large (or small) it is?

    also – maybe if you were older than 12, and had taken a college class or two (namely psychology), you would understand that penis envy actually refers to a female wishing she had a penis due to feelings of inferiority.

    aaanyway. considering how bland the guy is, i really think orlando bloom is getting way too big for his britches. i say this because of the look on orlando’s face (shakes his head and rolls his eyes, scowling) during a blooper reel segment of the pirates dvd when johnny depp makes a mistake with his lines. a mistake anyone could make.
    check it out if you can, cause i was kinda shocked by it.

    not to mention the fact that orlando’s a diva….

    mr. bloom needs a wakeup call. pronto.

  60. ashley says:

    sorry, messed up on the URL above, so click here for it

  61. Fuller says:

    The most charismatic Orlando Bloom has ever been was in the first Pirates movie when he impersonated Captain Jack Sparrow. Other than that, this is the most accurate article ever written.

  62. Fuller says:

    P.S. Johnny Depp was never bland. He just chose not to sell out so you didn’t hear about him until he was in his 30′s (half-way into his career).

  63. Arisma says:

    Alright, a couple replies then I’m done.

    Kimmy- I said it made them look silly and did nothing to help the person they’re trying to defend. That’s all. Feel free to rant and rave away. I like to laugh.

    Sandy- Ahh, but the difference is those older women (I am one, btw) tend to sit back and take things as they come, enjoying the enjoyable and shaking their heads at the not. It’s the young girls (and possibly boys) who feel the need to hop on forums and go “OMGWTFBBQ!? How can you talk about Orlando like that?! He’s so much cooler than you and you just wish you had his penis! Shut yr face, stupid fat head! Lolz!” Thereby accomplishing the exact opposite of what they want to.

  64. sandy says:


    Yeah, just felt like bitch slapping the poster who thought all Orlando fans were 12.

    One of those days at work, eh?

    PS: Jay, re: that “Troy” photo, Orlando looks like he wished the production manager ordered extra Gold Bond powder for the chaffing. That outfit is nasty.

  65. ned says:

    LOL. I agree completely. In Kingdom of Heaven, Orlando’s blandness caused me to fall asleep twice. I love articles like these, they attract a bunch of douches who say things like, “Wow…talk about penis envy” that are unintentionally funny and dumb. Keep writing awesome articles. (And tools..please keep writing angry yet hilarious responses.)

  66. IS says:

    Screw your bland chart.

    Not becuase I’m an Orlando Bloom Fan-girl.

    But becuase you have Britain on their.


  67. Jen says:

    To ashley:

    Don’t believe a word of that article you posted. In almost every premiere, and outing Orlando has had–he has intermingled with fans, taken pictures, signed autrographs, etc. I can hardly see him behaving in the manner that blog user wrote. Bash him all you want–its your right, however I will stand by the fact hes a decent guy, whose trying to improve on his acting. Nothing more. This article above seems to be in bad taste–it just goes to show that people will do anything to get a laugh from the expense of another.


  68. lol says:

    well all i can say is jealousy is a curse! get a life

  69. Max Carrion says:

    After LOTR I too was blown away by Bloom’s awful blandness in Black Hawk Down. He does that thing that a lot of young Brit soap actors do and when he’s acting talks a couple of octaves higher than nomal, and forces the words out in an unconvincing way. It’s a shame because on chat show’s etc. he has a personality, and seems like an interesting enough guy. When I watched the first Pirates film, there was a moment when he almost relaxed and acted, instead of concentrating on saying his lines. I just want to bitch slap the guy and say ‘For fecks sake, unclench, relax, and let some of your personality seep into the characters you play!’

  70. Theresa says:

    Can i just say, that i have been enjoying this thread, but i am rather surprised, that there are not many screaming OB fans running to his defence. Yeah I have read some of the comments from fanatical fans (I’m a fan, but not fanatical…lol) but really not what i was expecting from OB fans. I think i was expecting things like @How could you. Orlando is the greatest actor of all time….we should all bow down to him and kiss his feet…lol) okay you’d probably agree, that i’m talking a load of shite now, so i’m gonna crawl away…bye…for now.

  71. Theresa says:

    Oh and Jay. Blander than brown rice….seriously ever had brown rice on it’s own. Now that is so bland, it could kill you with it’s boring bland taste. Looking at it on a plate makes me just want to curl up and sleep, i am so bored…lol. Are you saying, that everytime you see Orlando, you want to sleep? I must admit i slept through ET. The american accent he tried to do was not good at all, sorry. He sounded like an English man putting on an accent, which in fact he was…lol

  72. Jill Simmons says:

    I love Orlando Bloom and well I’m sure it’s clear I’m a fan, but I am willing to admit he needs to work on his acting skills. Not that he’s not good, I thought he was awesome in Ned Kelly and I loved him in Kingdom of Heaven and I didn’t even want to watch that movie to begin with. I thought he was great in Elizabethtown. All in all I think he is a good actor and I think he will get better in time. As for the comment on him in Troy “boneing the blond haired chick and looking wussy” DUH! That is how Paris of Troy should be portrayed. Finally, your artical was well written. I just dont agree.

  73. Ryan Seacrest says:

    Yeah. These bozos are all so much blander than me. Especially that Carson Daly guy.
    Seacrest out!

  74. alex paton says:

    i’m pretty sure that’s a picture of vanilla ice cream, not yogurt. unless you meant ‘frozen yogurt,’ and even then, you’re only slightly closer to what that picture shows. funny nonetheless

  75. Breigh says:

    Ok I’m a reality tv freak so I’m not gonna be dissing Carrie.. but Pirates. I agree totally about Orlando Bloom. I have absolutely no idea what the rest of my gender sees in him, bleh.

    Johnny Depp on the other hand.. Meow-Purrrr Does it get any sexier than after the stick figure with hair kissed him and he just gave this sexy smirk and said .. “Pirate”


  76. Victoria says:

    Ok, I am an Orlando Bloom fan & I thought what you said was very rude, mean & Arrogant. If you don’t like his movies then don’t watch them or are you too stupid to do that because from your article it kind of sounds like your a complete moron anyway. You’re free to express your opinion but doesn’t make it right now does it. I so happend to like Pirates of the Caribiean Dead man’s chest, I didn’t like it, in fact I LOVED IT. You should quit your day job because you don’t know what you’re talking about by the way Troy too was a good movie, I liked it so much I bought the DVD. I think he is a a very talented actor. so all I have to say is nobody likes Jerks, it’s not a good trait. You’re just a jealous hater who has nothing better to do then to put down someone that’s doing better then you. Have a Great day!

  77. jameso says:

    quote: “but you get your ass up on that screen and act. It’s harder than it looks.”

    seriously! it’s like this time my friend went to the doctor to get his tonsils out and the doc accidentally cut off both of his legs. he complained for, like, a week about how much this doctor sucked. well, geez, let’s see YOU do better, buddy! it’s hard being a doctor! and just cos you’ve had years of training and get paid almost pornographic amounts of money for it, and just cos your existence as a doctor means that one other medical student will never become a doctor even though he may be better at it than you, that shouldn’t mean he should be open to criticism for it. it’s hard work!

    at least he’s a “nice guy,” and any dumbass knows that that’s 90% of acting right there.

    oh, and it’s a good thing i was informed that this acticle was “only [someone's] opinion.” i get really confused when someone writes a piece about a subjective aspect of a given topic without letting me know whether it’s fact or opinion. maybe some of those ivy leaguers can makes heads or tails of such things without a helpful disclaimer but it’s all greek to me.

    (i’ve actually never even see one of this guy’s movies and could give about half a shit one way or the other about him, but jesus…)

  78. ashley says:


    just because he smiles and puts on an act all the fans want to see whenever he has an official outing doesn’t mean it’s not possible for him to be a “diva” when the fans aren’t watching – as explained in the article i posted.

    just something to think about.

    also, i wasn’t bashing orlando. believe it or not, i am a fan of his. it’s just that sometimes you have to take off your rose-colored glasses and look at things from a different point of view.

  79. jay says:

    your all jealous because orlando has a huge career with millions of fans and all u people can find to do is bitch about famous stars cause you dont have a life.

  80. Jen says:

    To Ashley:

    All because someone posted it in their blog, doesnt make it true. Perhaps somethings shouldn’t be taken at face value. Have you ever met him? Are you sure “they” even met him? Maybe he was just having a bad day on the set, or maybe he did have something important to do–it’s better than Johnny hiding in France and bashing Americans. And I like Johnny–just don’t agree with some of his politics.

    What I said about bashing–it wasn’t implied to you, I was directing that to the one who wrote the article–nothing more.

    Though–if this is how you guys like to pass the time, by snickering and thinking that someone is bland as bread and can’t act and etc, etc, ( even though that is easily rectified by simply NOT watching his movies.) then by all means–knock yourselves out.

    I for one, have better things to do.

  81. Jen says:

    Oh and by the way, I just re-watched that blooper reel, and he was not scowling at Johnny, he was in character. During the movie that scene was when Will knew That Jack was tricking the two english soldiers: So, he was only doing facets of that character. He did the same thing in LOTR, during the counsel session. Everyone has to remain IC, regardless if the camera is on them or not. He was acting as Will Turner in that scene, not some “diva” as you proclaim.

    Every interview given, and every cast member that he has worked with, says he’s a decent guy. If he really were a diva like you described–fellow actors would rat on him in a heartbeat. They do to everyone else who has a big head. ( examples J-lo, Madonna, cast of Desperate houswives, Jeremy Irons, and many many more.

    Anyway, thought I would just get that out.

    Besides, I still have better things to do.

    ;) See ya.

  82. Ashlea says:

    You know, I’m imagining Ewan McGregor in that role, and it’s infinitely more appealing.

  83. annonymous says:

    wow… I think you all need to get a life…maybe read a book or something… or even take a quick look at a clock to see how much of your lives you wasted. Don’t bother replying, I have a good book to read and a degree to Earn.


  84. Britt says:

    Orlando Bloom could definetly work on his acting. When you watch him in a movie you’ll notice that “sad orlando” “angry orlando” and “confused orlando” etc. are all pretty much the same thing haha. But this article doesn’t really seem to be criticizing his acting (which could easily be criticized), it seems to be criticizing Orlando and his own personality. You said “i’m not saying he’s a bad actor, just a bland guy”so I’m just wondering, do you know Orlando well? I don’t think its fair to judge someone like that when you don’t know them. I’m not a huge Orlando fan but he’s definetly got a pretty face, but then again so do a lot of other actors none of which have such a huge fanbase and such high grossing films, which leads me to believe that he must be more than just a pretty face.

    By the way I didn’t find this article very funny either, I could find tons of other articles exactly like this on the internet, perhaps you should work on some new more original material.

  85. erin says:

    thats pretty accurate.
    however, you forgot to include the guy from twister.

    he is beyond bland.

  86. David says:

    In almost every role I’ve seen Orlando Bloom in, the word ‘Legolas’ comes to mind. He plays each character with that same one-dimensional aspect, and almost every line he utters comes across in that same serious deep-breathed intonation, whether he’s urging Aragorn to fight for the freedom of middle-earth, or telling medieval knights in ‘Kingdom of Heaven’ how to find Jerusalem. He’s almost as pretty as Hayden Christensen, and they both have the same level of acting ability, as riveting as watching paint dry, and as torturous as dragging fingernails across a blackboard. I just wish he could find a film where he could be allowed more emotion in his roles than either portraying blank-eyed optimism or pouty disappointment, if as an actor he is capable of this feat.

  87. Eric says:

    Yeah! I think we all have better things to do than reading this dull and bland article…

  88. Kimmy says:

    Ya i know this sounds silly & all but im over about how mad I was but iI still think the chart was insulting!!!!!!!

  89. ashley says:


    first of all, you should make sure what you’re saying is correct before posting it. in the blooper reel, orlando was not “in character” – and it’s not even when jack sparrow was tricking the english soldiers as you say it was. it was when jack was meeting the crew of his ship and talking to the mute’s parrot. and in the movie, if you would actually watch it so you know what you’re talking about – you would see that orlando doesn’t make the face behind johnny’s back. orlando bloom was making a face and being a smartass because johnny depp messed up his lines. get over it.

    and i was “proclaiming” nothing. if you knew and understood the meaning of the words you use, you’d know that to “proclaim” something means i am stating it officially or as a fact – and just because i am stating my opinions and voicing my concerns over orlando bloom’s ego doesn’t mean i am “proclaiming” anything as a fact. maybe you shouldn’t take everything you read to heart as it appears that you do. everyone has opinions, and they aren’t always the same as yours. it’s a natural part of life.

    also, i never described orlando as a diva as you claim that i did. the only thing i said was that i thought he might be getting too big for his britches, then i posted a link to an article describing him as a diva. so, again, get your facts straight instead of taking ALL of this time out of your “OH SO BUSY LIFE” to post a response that makes absolutely no sense.

    granted, the article may or may not be true – but you shouldn’t automatically consider any negative thing you hear about orlando bloom to be false. as i said before, sometimes you have to take off your rose-colored glasses and see things from a different point of view.

    blah blah blah. who cares, anyway?

  90. ken says:

    I think one movie that everyone has forgotten about that he was in way before LOTR was Black Hawk Down, where he was the young kid who fell from the helicopter. I say the acting here was extraordinary, cuz he got to play a comatose guy, much like his other acting roles where hes actually up and walking around. Let the rebuttals commence.

  91. Adriane says:

    WOW! 90 comments… you got the fans riled!

    Well… Orland has cute buns… but I much preferred him with long, blonde hair. :D

    Pirates 2 was… a bridge, to the next movie. I left the theatre feeling gyped… and I wasn’t the only one… even my 10-yr old said he didn’t like the way it ended (all that was missing were the words “to be continued” before the credits rolled), though he loved the funky looking “undead” pirates. My favorite character out of the whole movie was Naomi Harris’ Tia Dalma.

    Keep up with the good work… you just crack me up!


  92. Jen says:


    I was exaggerating and being sarcastic about hte proclaiming..hence I used that term on purpose.

    Plus, Orlando looked away and scowled before Johnny flubbed the line. Go look again and see for yourself. A scene requires many takes, and often times actors will try and play with different reactions…so, I would say its very plausible that scene had a varied amount of direction: Each one different and each one with a different way the actors reacted. Again, Orlando scowled before the lines were said, which leads me to believe that he was in character.

    Oh, and you did say he was a diva.

    “not to mention the fact that orlando’s a diva….”

    and the “blah blah” statement tells me that you’re a little too immature to carry on any more of this arguement.

    And your a fan? Gee with fans like you, who needs the critics?

  93. Felicia says:

    Orlando Bloom is about as exciting as a door nob. And he’s nothing special in the looks department either. Co-star Johnny Depp is better looking than him and he’s twice his age. Blandness all around, describes Orlando.

  94. Christian says:

    The only thing that bugs me is the inclusion of Harrison Ford(I think) on the bland scale.

  95. ashley says:


    just drop it already. i said blah blah blah because this is just stupid. it’s not even worth arguing about, so why are you still carrying on with it?

    he made the face as soon as johnny depp started messing up the line. i’ve already watched it enough times to be sure of this. and despite what you say about actors playing with different reactions, “will turner” had no reason to be scowling at this point in the movie – since, as i already said, it was when jack sparrow was meeting the crew of his ship, not tricking any english soldiers. get over it already, will you?

    yeah, the words “orlando’s a diva” are found in one of my above posts – but it’s only found WHEN LINKING THE ARTICLE which describes him as one. i never straight out called orlando a diva. once again i’m reminding you to get your facts straight, because this is getting old.

    yeah, who needs fans who can criticize and see the negative aspect of an actor/musician/whoever. i mean, shouldn’t all fans be unhealthily obsessed and ready to bear the children of whoever it is they like? shouldn’t all fans be unable to see the negative aspects of these stars?
    please. grow up.

  96. Adriane says:

    Ah shit… I typo’d… left the “o” off of Orlando… Must be the frikken unbearable HEAT that’s cooking the brain cells…


  97. Kevin says:

    My god I can’t believe I just read every single comment on that post. The scale was funny. Every bloom fan who isnt below 16 is weird.

  98. Kim says:

    yay! I’m 18 and no longer a young fan girl as i was back at lotr. so i can have a valid opinion!

    Jay- I do’nt know if anyone else has suggested this: test out Elizabethtown. It’s a smaller film in which he is the star. It’s completely different from all his medieval stuff. Let us know what you think.

    I’ve adored Orlando since lotr, and I’ve seen almost everyone of his movies. He’s always in the type of movies that I like (historical/medieval/in the past)so I like him. I don’t think he was that bland in lotr. But he just didn’t have a huge role. I don’t remember Legolas doing much in the books either.

    But Pirates, the first one he was better. Because there were less people and he had something valid to do. But the second one. It was unfortunate that there was just so much (too much in my opinion) going on that he got lost by the big people (Nigh, Depp, and drawing a blank Barbosa). I feel bad, because I have to agree a bit. I found myself not realizing he was there. I like his character for his compassion and determination for what he is striving for. I was in luuuurve with Will, and didn’t get attatched to his other characters between 1 and 2. So I got off the fandom.
    And his love for Elizabeth. I had to focus on him though. But then I was too engrossed in Depp’s character.

    Personaly, I don’t think it’s entirely him. I think it’s the parts/dialogue he does as well. Legolas wasn’t given a huge part. I must defend Troy: He’s playing Paris. And Paris was a pansy-@&$. So he did the part well.

    But I appreciate humor on anyone. Rude? eh. To the chart all i thought was:gently scolding: come now…that’s not nice. The humor was more the point right? I love reading parodies of things I like. To pick fun at the people. I find it amusing because we all have things to be parodied. Don’t go overboard and you’re fine. I don’t think this article was overboard. I really like Orlando from what I know of him, and I was giggling at the article.

    I do have a great respect for his lifestyle. Not doing the hollywood party scene. More of a home kid and grounded.

    Give him time. Let him do other stuff. He’s only been out for what 5 years? And he has had quite a bit of movies. So hollywood must see something. He’s got plenty of time.

  99. FRED says:

    i agree he is pretty bland.. he is also not much of a man’s man on the screen.. he looks more like a thespian in a movie.. his real home must be broadway… anyway he’s making some bucks so you got to give him that.. he’s going to need to rewok his image tho because any guy that sees his mug on a poster as a lead is going to immediately think chick flick or coming out of the closet party… sorry orlando.. you seem like a nice guy but you gotta butch it up a little or maybe be the crazy guy..

    i think that harrison ford should be furth down the chart =)

  100. Jen says:

    No, I will not get over it. I will never get over it. I will think about this comment till I am a nasty old hag sitting in my rocking chair, on the porch swing, knitting ugly socks, with my cane at my side, glass of lemonade and probably some feminine version of viagra on the table.

    And in my head (while I’m knitting my ugly socks)will be the constant reminder of what you said about Orlando scowling at Johnny– (even though I seriously doubt that was the case, since Orlando in every interview he was given has nothing but the upmost respect for johnny) and that you indeed said Orlando was a diva–since the way the sentence is worded does imply you felt that way regardless if you meant it or not.

    Perhaps on that day I’m sitting on the porch with my lemonade and viagra–I will even tell my children and grandchildren and great great grandchildren how you said “this is stupid and not worth arguing about it”–”and” that fans apparently should dwell on the negative aspect of an actor they enjoy on screen. (okay, sorry, but you seemed rather adamant about Orlando being rude and bland, so I fail to see how you’re a fan. Hey, that ryhmed! Nifty)

    Anyway, we may ponder this by the fire, or maybe I’ll make cookies–you know, the kind only grandma can make….

    Ahem…as you can probably determine from the scathing sarcasm and bad humor–that I could care less what you think, what people like you think–and I will “think” what I want about this article and the fact that fans should stick up for their admired ones–not bash them to pieces and “think” rude jokes are funny about them.

    Good luck to ya hun and your bizarre attempt at being Orlando’s fan. Moving on now.

  101. Mel says:


    Maybe if you took off your ‘rose-colored’ glasses for once, you would see that not every Orlando fan is a teenybopper. We know he has flaws, as any human would, but when all you spew out is negative things about someone you say you like… well that makes one believe you really have an odd perspective of the word ‘fan’. What DO you consider positive/good where it concerns Orlando? Anything?

    Going to the subject of the blooper reel. I can vouch for myself many times that even I can make ‘scowls’ towards people when they makes mistakes, even when I KNOW I make some as well. It’s human nature to get annoyed. Just because Orlando did it, now it is a huge deal?? Of course… because everyone has to point out the negativity in actors instead of looking beyond that for just one SECOND.

    Orlando a diva? Please. Even if that blog is true, which I’m sure it was exagerated, who cares if Orlando was acting that way?? Who cares if he has two phones? I know many people who have a business phone and private phone? Does that make my boss a diva? looks at him I seriously don’t think so. Just because Orlando decides to go into his trailer without talking to anyone… what? Is he not allowed to be HUMAN and have bad days now that he is an actor? Oh wait, I forgot, he’s not according to his twisted ‘fanbase’. Pity. And I really thought we had a shot here.

    And I really don’t think you realize how hypocritical you are acting. When you tell ‘Jen’ to not take everything so seriously, I find it very interesting that you turn right back around and get offensive with her/him. Maybe you should be the one to analyze the term ‘grow up.’ ;)

  102. Jared says:

    Um, I dont want to be an ass. But come on people you have to be able to laugh or your jsut as bad as him(not saying this was bad.) I mean 1. this is a joke site 2. He even said he likes the guy 3. When someone makes fun of someone and you take it offensively your jsut as abd as the person making fun of whomever. you have to be able to control that or your going to be mad about everything. And beleive me I am 260 pounds and I know what its like to be made fun of. But you have to be able to deal with it and/or just ignore it al together. I mean if Orlando sees this he will think nothing of it(I would hope.) So, I just thought it needed to be said. If you get mad over this you need to grow up, BADLY!

  103. ashley says:

    i’m “getting offensive”? i’m sure you meant getting offended, and i won’t even begin to touch on all of the other spelling and grammatical errors within both of your posts. but anyway… i’m not getting angry at all. i was on my high school’s debate team for years, sweetheart. i’m just getting warmed up.

    unlike you, i can talk and discuss something without getting emotionally involved. if you think calling me a bad fan is going to insult me, you’re wrong. all it’s doing is making me laugh at you more.

    i’ve done nothing to bash orlando bloom. i voiced my opinions and concerns over his ego, and posted a link to an article where he was described as a diva, and here you teenyboppers go – making a mountain out of a molehill, so to speak. but what else would be expected of high schoolers? drama, drama, drama.

    i’m beginning to understand why orlando bloom may avoid his fans whenever he doesn’t have an official outing on his schedule, and also beginning to sympathize with the guy. this is sad.

  104. Yetused says:

    My words, Jay!

    But do you know what’s even more bland than Orlando Bloom? His name.

    Orlando Bloom. Orlando and Bloom. Bloom. Orlando. THAT’s bland! :D

  105. Renbeer says:

    all well and good but coldplay oparachutes bland? man try screamin shiver all the way up the A1 after a night on the beers with the boys that aint bland try red hot chili peppers new album instead.

  106. Orlando says:

    Im an orlando fan and no im not under 18. and jay u say he was a woos in troy , hello that was the character he was playing! that has nothing to do with his personality in real life! u jay have never met orlando or spoken to him u have no right to say he is bland when u dont even know him.

  107. Andy says:

    Well, two of your examples were Legolas and Paris (of Troy). Yes, he does fade into the background – because honestly, he’s supposed to in these roles. Legolas was the least developed character in the book; actually, I’d say he was given more personality in the movie. In the Iliad, Paris wasn’t all that big a character — the story focuses mainly on Achilles and the Trojan war, not the cause of the Trojan war. Paris was a wuss.

  108. Mel says:


    Darling… I’m 22. Get your facts straight before you start to assume that I am a high school teenybopper.

    Who said I was getting emotionally involved? You don’t know me, so don’t assume (yet again) what I am feeling. This topic has barely scratched the surface, along with your pathetic attempt to insult me. Too funny. For you to actually comment on my grammar, that was really lame. Maybe you should start punctuating and capitalizing before you say something to me, eh? Hypocrite.

    You go right ahead – sit back and laugh. Because I am doing the same to you, love. Now, I’ll just wait for you to get the last word in again. ;)


  109. Jen says:

    Sweetie, I’m 29 for the record–and you seem to have a thing about getting in that last word.

    I could care less about your debate team, honestly, what does that have to do with anything? In your posts, it is conveyed quite clearly (and while contradicting yourself I might add) that while you are “concerned” about his ego, all else that you said, is nothing more than rude assumptions about a man you never met. You gave the link to the article, signifying that you seem to agree. You grumbled about that blooper reel, signifying that you were irritated, (beyond normal reactions for some reason.) at his behavior. You implied that Orlando is a diva, Orlando needs to “wake up.”

    Magic word here: You “IMPLIED.” Therefore, why should I not refute your opinion with one of my own? It seems you are looking for a fight. In which, you got one.

    So now you’re insulting me personally, by assuming that I am young. Then the rather useless grammar insults and mispellings. And? What does that prove? I typed fast? Apologies.

    You are a tad presumptuous dear, a little arrogant as well. All because someone defends another, should not give the impression of immaturity.

    I’ll bow out now: Reply or don’t…makes no difference really. This will be the last time I “waste” my time.

  110. Shiver me timbers says:

    I know you are reading this…will you move on already? I will assume anything and everything and I will insult whomever whenever. Who is Orlando Bloom? Oh, that fairy in Troy…I remember…sorta. This article is absolutely true and the scale is 100% accurate. They should have cast Carson instead of Orlando…a little less bland…

  111. J says:

    I tried reading all of the comments, but despite how hilarious they were, there were too many. This was a good article. Sure, it may be a touch arrogant and harsh, but that is what makes it so entertaining. Personally, I thought some of the harsher… altercations between people were perhaps unnecessary (I respect Orlando as an actor, especially since I have tried acting and know its difficulty) but seriously, this article is only an opinion and meant as a joke. Everyone who was gettting into a hissy-fit because of an online humor article?

    Good job Jay.

  112. Felicia says:

    Jen is just pissed off because so many people who posted have agreed with your article, Jay. She’s too naive to understand that Orlando is 100% PURE BLANDNESS!

  113. ashley says:

    yep, you’re right – I’M the one who needs to get in the last word when you’ve been trying to pick a fight with me from the beginning, defending an actor you seem to view as some sort of a hero. (22 and 29? not likely.)

    you call me a hypocrite, and my goodness… you need to read your posts and understand what you’re saying before sending them, because you’d realize you’re being a hypocrite yourself in more than one area.

    who would have thought other people would have opinions (which are rightfully theirs) that may be negative towards orlando bloom? how dare they?! attacking people for their opinions will get you nowhere in life, my dear.

    i insulted your spelling and grammar because it’s ridiculous. i may be lazy in that i don’t want to take the time to capitalize, but the least you can do is educate yourself on the english language so you don’t look like such a dumbass.

    anyway, the only thing you’ve accomplished is you’ve made yourself look like a complete retard. way to go! let’s see if you’re truly “bowing out” – or if you want the last word and type out another rambling, incoherent post again.

  114. The Jay says:

    Alright, that’s it! I’m calling an end to this nonsense flame war. You’re all just bickering at each other and throwing around petty disrespect, and generally taking away from the point of the whole site, which is how kick ass I am. Now can we please return this board to its original intention? Either lavish me with praise or crucify ME, but leave each other alone.

    And peep the new picture post!

  115. Dangana says:

    Oh man,
    Thanks for the post. It made my day simply because it’s the truth. I don’t care how good looking he is, he’s horrible and should be stashed away on a deserted island. Why couldn’t they just leave him on one of those island after shooting? Why? WHy? I love PoTC but I hate having to watch him. Even Keira was kicking more ass than he was.

  116. Marie says:

    ok, i actuially agree with the premise o the article….and before i go on….I, like so many others, am a huge fan of Orly. Butttt, i was pretty disappointed in his role of this latest film. Was it him or the writing of the role, I have yet to decide…..but i think i’ll still like him not only because he’s an actor but cause hes a good person.
    ‘Bland’ is actually a good word to use. but i also think everyone has their own niche in the acting world( for instance Depp is an excellent actor in comedy rolls(pirates, willie-wonka, edward sissorhands) but i dont think he did very well in stuff like ‘open window’ or whatever it was. as for carisma, he does not have it onscreen, but there is definately a sense of it offscreen (sometimes i actually prefer to watch behind the scenes/interviews), good article good point.
    ps: what a pic of Toby McGuire to choose!!!
    sorry for writing so long :(

  117. [...] I stumbled across TheJay.com via a link on Grabass to this post on Tom Hanks’s hair. Then I got caught up in reading the latest post on Orlando Bloom and his blandness — which I thought was spot-on, but there were others [read: staunch defenders of Orlando and his non-bland awesomeness] who thought differently. Definitely worth a read. [...]

  118. orlando fan 4life says:

    you know what? you’re just jealous of orlando’s bloom’s hotness and acting skills and how he can get any girl he wants. keep you’re mouth shut and don’t diss any hot celebrities that you can’t compete with.just because you’re girlfriend (although i doubt you have one)likes orlando bloom more than you, you don’t need to try to diss the most popular hottie alive. if you haven’t noticed, pirates of the caribbean has broken the records and passed Spider Man and blew the box offices in their first 4 days of showing. they have made hundreds of millions and that’s only because everyone loved orlando bloom and watched the movie over and over and OVER again.oooh what now?

  119. River says:

    Jay, (hope html works, otherwise ignore the codes ;P )

    Well what do you expect when you deliberatly write to a Orlando bloom site telling folks take a look at your article? You’re going to have heated opinions on both sides.

    That said; the article itself is well written, but a tad exaggerated. I certainly hope Mr. Bloom proves you wrong, and does a role worth the attention of his critics and their low opinion of him. I hope he “wow’s” you someday. However, if that day comes, I wonder if anyone will give him a chance? It seems many (not all) are a little too eager to agree and throw in the towel so-to-speak on Orlando and his acting. I feel that’s a bit unfair to the man personally.

    My final word on the subject? Watch and see. If Orlando stays “bland,” then he does…if he doesn’t then he doesn’t.

    Why should it matter so much anyway?

    To Ashley: They may well be the ages they say. You have no way of knowing how old anyone is on this board. They may be telling the truth, they may not be–but to assume age based on opposite views, DOES make you look a bit childish. Now, what if they don’t respond? You look like a fool. But hey, to each their own. Do what you like.

  120. Natalie says:

    Orlando SUCKS! and I don’t see his appeal whatsoever. He isn’t that goodlooking. Yeah, he may a young, but I think actors twice his age are better looking. Keanu Reeves, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt for example. Orlando is too pretty and wussy looking whereas the other actors I mention have sexy, masculine looks. Orlando has no charisma onscreen and like Jay says, is very bland.

  121. The Jay says:

    orlando fan 4life: What do I say to all that gibberish you spouted? I’d say take a look at an actor named Johnny Depp, IIRC he was in the Pirates movie as well. Played a supporting part, I think. He didn’t get much press, but I think he did a good job. Maybe, just maybe, some people went to see it for him?

    What do you think?

  122. Eric says:

    Ok: Orlando is great,That’s all. He is very good looking (ok everybody knows it…) but he is also a great actor and LOADS of people loves him even if others don’t like him and find him “bland”. Fans don’t have to care and Orlando Bloom himself doesn’t care. Orlando Bloom is popular,Orlando Bloom is famous,Orlando Bloom gets roles,Orlando Bloom is rich,Orlando Bloom is gorgeous and Orlando Bloom has a LOT of fans. If some people find him bland who cares? So to conclude we can say that this article is pointless and that all those angry reactions are pointless too. Let them think what they want,the proof is that Bloom has 3 mobies listed in the greatest movies ever and is one of the most popular actor of his generation. Call him bland(booo…) and he will still be. So once more who cares about what haters think?

  123. ashley says:

    wow, yeah, i really look like a fool just because i stand up when someone wants to attack me for voicing my opinions. please. ask me if i care what you think, cause i can promise you the answer is no.

    i assumed age based upon their inane responses, not upon their opposing views. i didn’t think that much was hard to figure out, but… i guess you never know with some people.

    sorry for the bickering done on my end, jay. you won’t hear it from me anymore.

  124. Kira says:

    OMG! orlando fan 4life, you have to be totally stupid if your think everyone went to see “Pirates….” for Orlando. Ummmm, you see, there’s this other guy in the movie, maybe you heard of him..his name is Johnny Depp. HE’s the actor everyone went to see, not no-talent, dull-as-a-tree-stump Orlando. Get your facts straight!

  125. Casey says:

    A mildly humerous article, insulting but then, that IS the intent, is it not?
    We could have easily replaced Orlando Bloom’s name with Hayden Christensen, Chris Evans,Brandon Routh (ahem),Tobey Macguire, Jmae Franco, Ethan Hawkes, Brad Pitt, etc.etc… even Tom Cruise, whom I find incredibly painful to watch “act”. All working actors that have been able to “make it” There are so very few actors who ever even make it to that level of the industry, much less, a lead role. Some fi them I find as charismatic as lin, but apparently others disagree with my assessment.

    I rather like Orlando Bloom. I think he has talent, but more importantly, he is working hard to get better at doing his job and it shows. I think Mr Bloom has moments in POTC -2 that are brilliant. There are others that are just plain “decent” and a few that miss the mark; like all actors (including St. Depp ) For example: I thought he did beautifully in the “tenacle-lifting scene”, the saying goodbye to Elizabeth scene and some of the scenes on the Flying dutchman. Ithought the comedy bits he had were quite good (the “dizzy” routine after the three-way sword fight was great physical comedy.) He has improved as an actor over the last few films, (more that I can say for poor Hayden, I’m afraid) and my guess that he is, as are most actors, one who truly must learn his craft, not a natural talent.

    Never been to your site before today. But after having a mean-spritied laugh at the unflattering pictures of celebrities and the rather cruel-but-funny captions; it would be hypocritical to complain about your “bland” article. SO knowing the spirit in which this entire site is intended… I’ll just go with it. (since had you written something critcal about, say Tobey, or Hayden who really are not very good actors..I’d be nodding my head in total agreement!)

  126. alannabloom says:

    uhmm… hi… ya… Orlando Bloom is the complete opposite of bland… kay? he’s gorgeous. You shouldn’t have even written this. Nobody and I mean nobody could be a better actor than him. I understand this is your opinion but honestly… do you think if I see this i won’t say anything. For all the fans of this dashing man Orlando Bloom would probably agree with me. You honestly have nothing else to do than just go ahead and say Orlando Bloom is bland…. that’s just sad and low. mmkay!? Goodbye now!

  127. The Jay says:

    Casey: I’m glad you had a laugh at the new Picture This post, and appreciate that you can separate not agreeing with an article and not liking a website, but it’s important to reassert the point of the Orlando Bloom piece. An assertion I can’t believe I have to continue to make. I don’t think Orlando Bloom is a bad actor. I just don’t think he’s particularly charismatic or interesting. Hence the blandness. Keep that in mind if you ever re-read the piece.

  128. movie critic says:

    I love how many people seem to miss the point of this article.

    You’ve said something horrible about Orlando – how dare you! You have penis envy! Nobody could be as good as Orlyworlykins; he’s beautiful!

    Ahem. Sorry, the ridiculousness got to me.

    Nice one.

  129. saidiemai says:

    Hello people. Hello Jay. (You’re a person too, but you’re special, being the owner of this here blog.)

    1. I love Orlando Bloom.
    2. I’m loving this comments board.
    3. Tobey Maguire is WAY blander than Britain… in fact, Britain’s not bland at all, and Tobey Maguire, in my opinion, is way down the scale of bland. I mean, lower than gorgeous Orly.
  130. Casey says:

    Jay, ya know, you may be right…my reply was not quite aligned with your article. ( I’m big enough to admit it!)
    Still lovin’ the celeb pics, still thinking there are others even MORE bland.
    Speaking of “to(o) bland” or “not to(o) bland”… I fnally rented “Phone Booth” with party-boy and not-so-bland lead Colin Farrell. I got to say I wasn’t impressed with his over-emoting. And yet I was told it was such impressive acting that I was eager to see it. (having suffered through Alexander: YEESH!)
    I think he’s the antithesis of Orlando Bloom… They hit the scene about the same time, part of the European invasion of young actors…What’s your take on him? Is he as good as they say? or is his popularity due to his “bad-boy” rep?

  131. The Jay says:

    Casey: I don’t think Colin is the best actor working today, but I like him (and don’t think he’s at all bland). He brings a certain type of manic dirtiness to the screen that no one else since pre-rehab Robert Downy Jr. Plus, he has the good type of celeb baggage. You want to be reminded of all the drinking and womanizing (though Alexander did suck every donkey ball at my local zoo).

    I liked Phone Booth, didn’t love it. His acting was melodramatic, but I think the movie called for it. Farrell rocked in SWAT, Minority Report, ruled in Tigerland and was the only good thing in Daredevil. And I bet he’s fun to watch in Miami Vice. At the very least, with respect to Farrell, it’s nice to see a young guy actor not afraid to be an asshole or a drunk. It does make him the antithesis of OB, who tries to hard to be as anti-septic as humanly possible.

  132. a fan says:

    I’ve asked everyone that I know who has heard of him and NOBODY said he was bland!!!! Everyone said he was intersting in his movies.I agree with them.

  133. The Jay says:

    Then tell all your biased friends to come on to the site, read the piece and reevaluate.

  134. Casey says:

    I’ll give ya Minority Report.. forgot he was in that.

  135. Or says:

    colin is blander than bland jay

  136. Or says:

    colin is blander than bland jay phone booth sucked

  137. Jess says:

    Hey i am an orlando lover but i just wanted to say that i think toast it very interesting and not bland as you say. All you have to do it put it with something good. Same goes for Orlando. He just has to be in the kinda movie/situation.

  138. Veronica says:

    You must be rubbing your hands in glee. Crucify some poor beggar who is reputed to have a loyal fan base, in the name of HUMOUR(?) no less, and stand back to enjoy the fun. What a way to get people to read this twaddle. And you make a living out of this? You are just a parasite.

  139. liz says:

    u know what i think. I am sick of people bashing on every celebrity that comes around. Did you ever stop and think that a lot of them don’t want to act for the money they do it to entertain us. Yes I am an orlando bloom fan along with many other actors. You have your right to an opinion but do you have to be such a jerk about it. Don’t you think celebrities have enough to worry about. Honestly how would you feel if someone talked about you like that I don’t think you would feel very good. I am sick of all the people who think they can be better then someone if they make fun of them. its not right at all.Next time why don’t you think about what you are doing before you do it!!

  140. The Jay says:


    Did you ever stop and think that a lot of them don’t want to act for the money they do it to entertain us.


    You have your right to an opinion but do you have to be such a jerk about it.


    Don’t you think celebrities have enough to worry about?


    Honestly how would you feel if someone talked about you like that?

    Are you kidding? Read some of the above comments. Or the ones on my Keanu post, or the ones on my Tom Hanks post. Or the ones on my Owen Wilson post. I could keep going.

  141. Amanda says:

    I disagree with your article almost entirely, but I respect your opinion and even more I respect that you backed it up. I don’t think you were overly harsh or tried to attack Orlando. People who love Orlando have no reason to be offended by this article. They’re free to think whatever they want- no one is trying to stop them. However, I do think the scale of bland was pretty rude. You didn’t even explain why it was set that way, you just labeled people and things as bland like they didn’t matter. I think Will Smith is very interesting and oatmeal is my favorite breakfast!
    Jay, I appreciate the attempt to make people think about things in another way even if you didn’t convince me. Also, I love your article about Keanu, he is completely underrated. The only bad thing I have to say about your website is that a lot of your articles seem to make a point of disagreeing with popular opinion. I may be very wrong, but is it possible you’re trying to stir things up? Keep writing, and I’ll keeping reading.
    -A Jay AND Orlando fan

  142. Or says:

    Jay u r a bum chum

  143. The Jay says:

    Amanda: I’m not trying to stir things up, but I do like to look at things from different perspectives. This is a site designed to question what you’re told from Hollywood. And that’s what I’m doing. Bare in mind, I love movies, TV, Pop Culture as a whole. I just expect more; and when I’m not given that, I get angry. And celebrities wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

  144. Carmen says:

    they need to take all of that back he’s a good actor I went to POTC2 twice I’m going to keep going til it comes out on dvd, YOU don’t know what YOU r talking about. it makes me mad when people like YOU down talk him like that, it’s just not right, He’s been through alot and I think I speak 4 all of the Orlando Bloom fans. when I say, that You don’t what he went through to get where he is now. I think that You need to go back and re-write all of that and write something nice about him.

  145. Jessica says:

    Carmen, Jay doesn’t have to re-write anything. He is entitled to his oppinion just as you are. I, too, happen to think Orlando is bland and don’t care a thing for him. To me, JOHNNY DEPP made POTC2 worthwhile, not Orlando. So just as you love Orlando, I don’t. It’s just a matter of oppinion and so Jay made his, and he made it quite funny and cleverly done, I must say.

  146. Jami says:

    How bland? When you mentioned Elizabethtown, which I have seen, I thought “Was he in that? The lead guy? Really?” I had to go look it up to be sure I was thinking of the right movie and verify that it was him. Yup, I remember Kirsten, Susan and the girl who played Kitty in Arrested Development, but sure enough, it was Orlando and I’d not even really realized it. Not a hater, just not a fan.

  147. snowmoon246 says:

    So Jay? The only think I learned for sure from this article is that you look like a gargoyle.

  148. The Jay says:

    A sphincter says what?

  149. paulalama says:

    After you see a performance by an actor like Johnny Depp you come away feeling BLOWN away by seeing his talent, his natural charisma or “mojo” ;-) Orlando Bloom doesn’t have that IT factor, that is the “blandness” that is in question here. He could be entertaining, but he isn’t going to steal the movie.

    It’s like when you get the stomach flu (or see a bad movie like Elizabethtown)…you still have to eat. They put you on that BRAT diet. BLAND foods. Bananas, Rice, Applesauce & Toast…I’m just going to tell my kids now that it’s called the Orlando Bloom Diet, Thanks Jay!!!

  150. American Expatriate in the UK says:

    Rock on! Excellent post, Jay!

    And about the comments: I am so incredibly sick of seeing Orlando Bloom’s fans (all of whom are still in junior high and high school) pop up on entertainment sites posting rants that defend Bloom’s lack of acting chops on the grounds that “he’s young yet” or “he’s trying” or “anyone who disses Orlando’s (lack of acting skills must be fugly.”

    Umm, hello?

    On the young tip, Leonardo DiCaprio was freaking brilliant as an actor when he was barely out of his teens. Ditto River Phoenix. So youth is no excuse for suckiness.

    What’s more, Mr. Bloom may look like a nineteen year old, but the guy is twenty-nine; he’ll be thirty in 2007. He is not young enough to be able to use youth as an excuse for lack of talent.

    But what ticks me off most of all is the “he’s learning” argument (the same rationale, incidentally, that Keira Knightley’s fans used when the BAFTAs — the British equivalent of the Oscars — refused to nominate her for her characteristically piss-poor performance in Pride and Prejudice). This argument has two flaws.

    First, the guy received an undergraduate degree from one of the best Drama programs in England (London Guildhall). Why should movie-goers “give a chance” to someone who has received professional training — and has the degree to prove it? He’s had time to gain technique, skill, and the ability to project charisma; he just hasn’t done so because he doesn’t have the talent to do so. Deal with it!

    Second, this isn’t pee-wee baseball or the third-grade ballet recital, folks, it’s professional entertainment. The “let Orlando learn on the job” argument is pure hooey in this context: the man is getting paid millions to act, and that’s what people who are critical of his performances are demanding that he learn to do better. If his fans want him to be given room to “learn,” then they should encourage him to start performing at the local community theatre or summer stock program and leave the multi-million dollar roles to hotties who really can act.

    Finally, a word about the latter, “hottie” point. I think that many of Bloom’s fans — particularly those of the teenie-bopper variety — fall back a bit too quickly on the “people hate Orlando and refuse to acknowledge his acting skills because he’s so fine” argument. I’m sorry, but this just doesn’t wash. Bloom is incredibly gorgeous (if a little thin); no quibble there. But there are scads of young actors who are both sex-on-a-stick good-looking and able to act. If Bloom’s fans want him to be able to simply stand around looking cute while they ogle him, then they should encourage him to become a model: then y’all would get to see your hottie regularly, and the multi-plex would be safe for those of us who like our eye-candy with a side-order of actual talent.

    Yours Sincerely,
    American Expatriate in the U.K.

    P.S. If you are a young fan of Bloom’s reading this, before you hit the ceiling and start typing a blistering reply, please do me two consecutive favors that will ultimately help you as well. Seriously. STEP 1: Google photos of Johnny Depp and Leonardo DiCaprio from the early 1990s. Drool-worthy hotties, no? STEP 2: Rent What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? on DVD or VHS. Notice an important truth: the same ethereally good-looking guys whose early-1990s hotness you just checked out are in this early-1990s movie — and they are both acting their asses off. They’re young; they’re good-looking; and they are talented: they are not wasting viewers’ time by “learning on the job” or “developing charisma.” Please think about this the next time you are tempted to make the excuses listed above for Orlando.

  151. [ Gg ]Aussie !! says:

    Omg !! i could not h8 Orlando more !! ma email address is i.luv.johnnydepp!! so u can tell i LUV Johnny !!

    That they are going to cut him out of Pirate of the carribbean! Bcoz his character is not needed~!! haha!! it tru !!

    lol add me 2 msn !!


  152. Asianos says:

    Eventhough I don’t think he is as bland as you describe him, but I do agree that most of the actors he co-starred with have better acting skills than him. I don’t want to be mean and hurt anybody’s feelings but just listen to his talking. There’s a quiver in his voice when he talks. Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes it isn’t. I believe he could improve it.

  153. Asianos says:

    P.S. I’m not a(n) Orlando Bloom / Legolas fan. Just a LOTR fan. But he ain’t my fave character.

  154. [...] In the second installment of MKDC Remembers, I will take a closer look at the movie Troy, starring Brad Pitt and some other people. Orlando Bloom might be one of those people. Anyway, my ownership of this movie comes with quite the story. I was sucked into one of those Columbia House DVD deals where you get a bunch of crap and stuff and some other things, then you give them money, then you get some emails, then you get a few DVDs. This was lame. I realized that I had to buy 11 DVDs before I could cancel my account. ELEVEN! (It took a year for the “We-really-want-you-back!” letters to stop coming. Seriously, never engage in those damn things.) The average DVDis like, 18 dollars, and 11×18 is at least a billion, and I don’t have that kind of money. Anyway, I really wanted the movie A Beautiful Mind and as a free bonus, I could either get Troy or Britney Spears’ Crossroads, a coming of age story about Lucy, a simple girl who wants to make it in the big world. Or something. The choice was pretty clear. [...]

  155. anton says:

    I have noticed this as well in the past few years.

    while my sister is enamored by him…I detest how even his accent seems to be fake ( hes british right ) it just seems to be overdone

  156. [...] The Jay Just How Bland Is Orlando Bloom, Really?I finally got around to seeing the new Pirates of the Caribbean flick, and while I didn t love it (unbelievable special effects, unbelievably annoying script), I found myself inexplicably intrigued [...]

  157. i love orlando and johnny says:

    how can you say that i mean yea i know you have an opinion but i’d like to see you get your ass up on that screen and perform. you gotta be brave to do that. i agree he might need to perfect his acting a little but give the guy a break. yea there are people that outshine him. thats because they are experience and the movies differ along with their script. i personally think johnny depp is alot better but orlando also can act. johnny is just one of the people that outshine him.

    PS i’m not trying to start an arguement i’m just posting my opinion just like you.

  158. [...] The Jay Just How Bland Is Orlando Bloom, Really?I finally got around to seeing the new Pirates of the Caribbean flick, and while I didn t love it (unbelievable special effects, unbelievably annoying script), I found myself inexplicably intrigued [...]

  159. i love orlando and johnny says:

    i agree the first was better but you gotta give the actors credit

  160. i love orlando and johnny says:

    the second movie was actually kinda weird

  161. ashley says:

    so yeah ive got accept that orlando was great in lord of the rings but his other movies arent very great so i guess ill just stick with watching lord of the ring

  162. [...] The Jay Just How Bland Is Orlando Bloom, Really?I finally got around to seeing the new Pirates of the Caribbean flick, and while I didn t love it (unbelievable special effects, unbelievably annoying script), I found myself inexplicably intrigued Permalink TrackBack [...]

  163. [...] It’s not surprising that of the 120 columns I’ve posted on TheJay.com, “Keanu Reeves Does NOT Suck, And I Can Prove It” and “Just How Bland Is Orlando Bloom, Really?” have the most number of comments. The central figures of each post, the unintentionally awesome Keanu Reeves and the (hopefully for his sake) unintentionally bland Orlando Bloom, inspire fierce passion in their fans. On any given day I receive comments calling me all manor of awful things for my lambasting of the man who was Legolas, and an equal number of ego-boosting boot lickings for my loyal defense of the Wyld Stallyn himself, Ted “Theodore” Logan. What it comes down to, I think, is the disparity in how I view each of the actor’s respective talents, and my reader’s contrasting views on the subject. [...]

  164. [...] to eat Luke Perry in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Jonathan Silverman is the epitome of bland. He rivals Orlando Bloom in his blandosity. Basically, he sucks. But I will give the show a chance for two reasons: Kelly Hu and Lori [...]

  165. [...] Kate Bosworth has no right to complain about constantly falling asleep during sex with her boyfriend, Orlando Bloom. Unfortunately, the blandness extends to all aspects of his life. [...]

  166. LixTetrax says:

    Yep, Blandorama, I watched Troy last night and was wondering why Legolas was in it wearing a different wig.

    Orlando in Pirates “Ooh, I’m Boring!”

    Orlando In Troy “Ooh (same accent) I’m Boring!”

    Orlando playing a New York Taxi Driver “Ooh, Do you want to go to the park sir?”

    As for all the chicks saying but this but that, shows how shallow they must be if it’s all about looks lol, just my 2 cents, I may get some change :o P

  167. Mrs.Bloom says:

    I am gobsmacked at the amount of people that think Orlando is bland! I can’t fault a single performance of his – I think he’s fantastic, a great actor, charming individual and he cares about the environment too! very interesting on and off screen.

  168. thetruth says:

    why does every ugly bitch think she can have someone like that dont u fat fucks know hes a butt pirate


  169. [...] “You’d be pissed off to if your big summer blockbuster was tanking, and you were dating the blandest guy in Hollywood.” [...]

  170. [...] Reason To Get Naked: Wait, he’s not a chick? [...]

  171. [...] Bloom: I’m sorry I’m so bland. There really nothing I can do. I’ll try to be more interesting. Maybe I could date Lindsay [...]

  172. [...] It’s true. 07/25/2006 | Pop Culture, Web Tags: Al Gore, Orlando Bloom [...]

  173. BECCA says:


  174. The Jay says:

    “Orly”? Really? Way to undermine your argument, kid. You might as well have signed the post “I’m An Idiot”, for all the good your words were going to do.

  175. skykid says:

    Saw the film, dunno what this guy is talking about: Orlando Bloom CAN’T ACT TO SAVE HIS LIFE. Can’t deliver a line, hold a scene, more wooden than the ships themselves. Totally and utterly upstages by Depp, Geoffrey Rush (outstanding) and the tentacled Davy Jones. While we’re on it, Knightley is blooming (get that?) useless too! Christ, I had to sit through her pouting for 3 + hours opposite Bloom pulling the same expression.
    I’m not bitter, he looks nice I suppose, so let the girls enjoy, let the guy have his moment. But hollywood is a trickster: behind the special effects, music and gloss, acting still matters. People are tricked into not seeing when actors are simply crap. But if you look real hard, try to see Orlando actually ‘performing’ – then pick your jaw off the floor in disbelief. There is nothing going on.

  176. graceinfirstperson says:

    Oh the humor, the tradgedy, the endless bickering! Let me tell you, this article and all comments following have most absolutely made my day…

    Orlando is a great guy. Yes, you heard me, a great guy. Evident proof lies for this in the fact that currently Bloomie boy is a terrible actor, and thus inable to actually NOT be anything other then what he appears to be.

    And i find it hillarious that the same people who tell me to quote “get a life” unquote continue to post gazillions of comments. Who was it that didn’t have a life again? Oh right, it was me. Sorry, I forgot.

  177. graceinfirstperson says:

    Oh yes, but i do watch his movies. Let’s face it, the guy is perfect, like a circle, a beautiful, tan, muscular, passionate eyed circle. Am I hypacritical? Sure. But, oh god I’m STRAIGHT, for christ’s sake.

  178. Kelly Martin says:

    Orlando Bloom is the most amazing actor i ever seen, along with Johnney Depp, Sir Ian McKelken & few others he is my absolute favorite! Because of him i have the courage to become an actress myself. he is amazing in LOTR (wich i watched all extended editions in a row 14hs & 45min & seen all others over 1000xs (prob) he was fantastic in worlds end. the only thing i didn’t like was hoe celipto became a giant person when she complained about being traped in Diadolmas body.over all i loved it, i just wish i didn’t have to pee 30 min into the movie. if orlys mother reads this tell him his fans think he’s great (i know he doesn’t like computers) to all orly & LOTR fans u rule & anyone who dosn’t like either Eas ka qui umnak ta dule (sp) i really can say it. dreamers Estellio Amend 9trust ur heart). byes.**

  179. Kelly Martin says:

    Maiafay i luff you , luff u 2 orly
    however i disagree with the fact that he needs to learn more! actors do need to continue learning, but how he acts now is fanominal. i wish to become an actree & belive me its not going to be easy, but orly is an insparation & helps me through my doubts. hes awsome & any one who thinks otherwise has never acted B4 & they have a stick up their butt ^^ byes have a good day. * Estellio Amend*

  180. Annabella Gross says:

    i disagree completly i think he is the hottest guy on this planet. when i saw the 3ed
    movie i could not fogese on his acting i just saw his adorible face!!!!!*

  181. Personally, people are only sticking up for him because he’s hot period. Seriously people, everyone knows OB is cute but all their looking at IS HIS LOOKS. Got it memorized? L-O-O-K-S. And what’s that is that. He’s bland, get OVER IT!

  182. Ok ,maybe what I said was a little harsh but it’s true. People don’t look on the insides. Just the out. His life is hard. And that’s all I’ll say.

  183. CJ says:

    Hit. Nail. Head.

    Which is why I was rooting for Liz to end up with Jack Sparrow in the end. Charisma is something you either have or you don’t. And IMO, Bloom doesn’t have that “it” factor.

    Or to put it another way – which caused more “buzz”…Jack and Liz kissing or Will and Liz kissing?

    They should’ve written Will as Liz’s well-meaning brother. That would have been more suitable for the actor and given the movie a more sizzling romantic angle with Jack and Liz.

  184. David says:

    Orlando Bloom sucks, he is so wooden

    And he isnt even good looking, look at him in Black Hawk Down and the Calcium Kid

    He is a total pussy, looks and personality

  185. [...] Orlando Bloom transforms into a bowl of bland brown rice. [...]

  186. dqqqq says:

    yes…his performance may not be as good as you say… but its because that is how the characters are suposed to be…. if they needed a more stron man..he woul do it.. its becuase he is an ACTOR AND ACTOR ge it? he INTERPRETATES persons…its not him in real life.. he is just a CHaracter…..get it?? HE IS SOOO CUTE LOVE HIM

  187. un-wise one says:

    naturally, i wouldn’t look up OB at all, but this is a good site. Sure its true that OB needs a tad bit more of talent but does that change his ways? No way Jose!! he’ll still be the same cute guy that you wouldn’t see every day but one day he will finally be good like how the others are and you’ll all be impressed. but-hey- maybe I’m wrong. Just give him a little faith and I’m sure he’ll get it right someday.

  188. [...] Bloom – Bland as an episode of Seventh Heaven. And with the same acting range, too! Moted, Will Turner! [...]

  189. [...] e-mail the webmaster of that person’s fansite. Instant comment flaming. It did wonders for my Orlando Bloom Is Bland [...]

  190. shel says:

    i think orlando is great.. he looks beautiful and he is kind.. i saw him once in a cafe and he smiled at me for no reason. i dont like his movies but i would still like to have him in my bed though lol

  191. Natasia says:

    This man has made it. He has like a billion fans all over the world. His salary is way to high now.

  192. [...] who watch Orlando Bloom act and find him to be bland have sufficient reason for feeling so. Fact is he’s bland; there is a void of charisma when [...]

  193. [...] as I am a fan of the Bend It Like Beckham star, always support survivors of the Orlando Bloom Blandness Plague, and am still trying to show appreciation for making Pride and Prejudice exceedingly watchable, I [...]

  194. [...] Why It’s Terrible: If you’re picking characters to be from Troy and you choose Orlando Bloom, you deserve the beating you’re inevitably going to get. But don’t bother going to the cops, this might be the only acceptable hate crime we have in this country. After all, there’s no law against punching a bland actor in the face for making Pirates of the Caribbean 2 so freakin’ boring. [...]

  195. Jennifer says:

    where the fuckin shit did u get that?
    He’s amazin n ur jst a jealous ass hole
    no offence rlly but he’d kick ur rotten ass any day of ur worthless borin empty life !!!
    C ya l8r C**T

  196. Linda says:

    Oh, Orlando has charisma (sometimes) but I think he’s just way too GREEN. Fame happened way to fast for him, LOTR and POTC cast the spot light on him and fangurls went nuts, but he has not really earned it yet, he’s still too green and was’nt ready for leading roles. If he wants to last he needs to hire new reps and do smaller films, be the costar and study more. He does have potential to earn great stardom if he does’nt blow himself out too quickly.

  197. Eee says:

    No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

  198. seer says:

    Revisiting for a bit here.

    I enjoy Tolkein and recently watched the Ring trilogy, and will say up front that Legolas ended up edging the others out as my favorite character – but then I’ve always liked elves. Out of a sense of curiosity about this blandness thing I ventured on to Elizabethtown and have to admit that I actually enjoyed it. Maybe because I know Kentucky and it’s people – and a great deal of the route which was taken during his road trip with his father’s ashes – IMHO the flick was actually well done, and the acting was fine – for Bloom’s part I think he managed the character very well (aside from a slightly Canadian twang in his effort to Americanize his accent).

    The key may have been that I wasn’t expecting anything great, so I ended up pleasantly surprised that it was as enjoyable as it was. But the blandness thing.. I confess that it is a curiosity and am not sure if there’s anything to be done to correct it. Keanu Reeves and Orlando Bloom – the opposing ends of the spectrum – cosmic balance maybe? They get hit with common criticisms for their work – and yet both seem to be overall nice guys, dedicated to their craft, and they both show evidence of talent. But whatever it is that Keanu Reeves has it seems that Orlando Bloom does not. Something innate. So I’ll fall back on cosmic balance – for every Keanu there must be an Orlando.

    It aggravates my sense of fairness, to compare these two.

    I want to like the guy, I guess I do like the guy.

    Maybe his day just hasn’t come yet..

  199. lulu says:

    Why choose such a bland actor to play a PIRATE? he has no depth…is he acting himself in every movie? it’s laughable to imagine him with a different accent in a movie. How does someone so boring become attracted to acting anyway? Paris was so wimpy and annoying in Troy but that may have been a trait of the character Paris but that doesn’t mean Orlando should walk, talk, and have the same expressions for every character. That’s a sure way to get typecasted.

  200. [...] snot rocked coating his soft vanilla center he still cannot escape his inherent blandness. …Just How Bland Is Orlando Bloom, Really? The Jay Fresh …I tried to put his blandness into words, but found myself uncharacteristically speechless. … Out [...]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>