Tue 25 Jul 2006
Picture This: Celebrities Are Just Like Us, But More Gross
Posted by The Jay under Celebrity , Picture This , Reese Witherspoon , The O.C. , Paris Hilton , Nicole Ritchie , Matthew McConaughey , Heath Ledger , Nicole Kidman
“Am I a nice person? God, no! I suck.”
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“This is what happens after you make a movie with Sarah Jessica Parker.”
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“Wanna see my impression of Paris when she’s bored on the set of The Simple Life?”
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“Say Last Call sucks again. SAY LAST CALL SUCKS AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker. Say Last Call Sucks one more goddamned time!
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“You ever make it with a botoxed, schizophrenic, speed-addicted puffer fish? And by botoxed, schizophrenic, speed-addicted puffer fish, I do mean me.”
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“Wait, so the Hulk 2 auditions aren’t today? But I did my hair and everything! What a waste of my valuable time. Nick Nolte is a hot commodity and you just wasted his time.”
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“Did I just give this ferret a tug job? Eh, whatever, I’ll just add a rabies shot to my weekly STD culture.”
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“My boobs come together, cause opposites attract (and put a weird, freaky hole in my chest).”
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“Who wants to be a teen heartthrob, when you can be a much cooler, cracked-out homeless guy? It’s no contest.”
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“It’s so nice to have so much free time, now that I got kicked off The O.C. I can finally devote my time to projects that mean something to me.”
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“Yeah, that’s right, I’m Kevin ‘fuckin’ Nealon, and I work at Home Depot. You got a problem with that? No? Good. Now let’s go find you that quarter-inch wood paneling on aisle five.”
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“If Harrison doesn’t marry me soon, I swear I’m just gonna let myself go.”
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“A grizzled drunk, a major geek, a burned-out drug addict and the finger. Yep, that sounds about right for a George Lucas tribute special.”
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“Vote for Pedro.”
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“I put a spell on you, because you’re mine…”
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“You’d be pissed off too if your big summer blockbuster was tanking, and you were dating the blandest guy in Hollywood.”
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“I wonder what Brad’s up to?”
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Bangarang!
July 26th, 2006 at 11:22 am
This is funny as hell! It had me so in stitches, I almost feel out of my chair laughing so hard. I especially love the Nicole Richie picture doing her impression of Paris. That is killer funny! You rock! Keep up with your hilarious articles no matter what people may say about them. They just don’t have any sense of humor, that’s all.
July 26th, 2006 at 1:11 pm
my goodness… what happened to heath ledger? that’s just wrong.
July 27th, 2006 at 10:31 am
So does having a creative commons link at the bottom of your page mean you can just steal content from places?
July 27th, 2006 at 11:10 am
No, it means just the opposite. That people can’t steal my content. Are you giving me grief because I did a bunch of Google image searches and dl’ed public release pictures? If you’re a photog that took one of the pictures I posted I will take it down, or credit you. Otherwise, dude, don’t come to my site to give me grief on something everyone on the internet does as well.
July 27th, 2006 at 2:18 pm
Hilarious! I love these many middle fingers.
July 28th, 2006 at 7:19 am
Perhaps I didn’t come off in the most sincere way. But being in google images does not make an image public release. Your site is super dooper pimp, I thought you were above the influence.
smoke dope … everyone is doing it.
July 28th, 2006 at 8:50 am
For the record, there is something called the Digital Millenium Copyright Act. One notable exception to copyright protection is for the use in critique and/or parody. The Jay does both, which means that a court of law would most likely not find him liable in any way for copyright violation. Next time you want to make some tongue in cheek accusations, learn some law there, Jon.
July 28th, 2006 at 1:43 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Hilarious!
August 1st, 2006 at 10:28 am
Thanks for the laugh!
August 1st, 2006 at 5:30 pm
I never understood why Weese Witherspoon is so popular. I don’t think she’s pretty at all and she isn’t that great of an actress. And what’s up with the indent in Paula Abdul’s chest? That is just freaky..ewwww
August 4th, 2006 at 4:53 pm
JAY, YOU’RE A GENIUS!!!!
August 4th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
The Jay does it again. Freakin’ comedy.
July 28th, 2007 at 11:03 pm
lmao!! wtf is up wit paula and that hole thing ewwww!
April 1st, 2008 at 12:02 pm
[…] Reese Witherspoon is well-documented. In fact, you can read about it HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE. I’ve been one of her biggest detractors, despite really liking her early on in […]