Picture This: Celebrities Are Just Like Us, But More Gross

“Am I a nice person? God, no! I suck.”

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“This is what happens after you make a movie with Sarah Jessica Parker.”

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“Wanna see my impression of Paris when she’s bored on the set of The Simple Life?”

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“Say Last Call sucks again. SAY LAST CALL SUCKS AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker. Say Last Call Sucks one more goddamned time!

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“You ever make it with a botoxed, schizophrenic, speed-addicted puffer fish? And by botoxed, schizophrenic, speed-addicted puffer fish, I do mean me.”

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“Wait, so the Hulk 2 auditions aren’t today? But I did my hair and everything! What a waste of my valuable time. Nick Nolte is a hot commodity and you just wasted his time.”

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“Did I just give this ferret a tug job? Eh, whatever, I’ll just add a rabies shot to my weekly STD culture.”

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“My boobs come together, cause opposites attract (and put a weird, freaky hole in my chest).”

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“Who wants to be a teen heartthrob, when you can be a much cooler, cracked-out homeless guy? It’s no contest.”

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“It’s so nice to have so much free time, now that I got kicked off The O.C. I can finally devote my time to projects that mean something to me.”

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“Yeah, that’s right, I’m Kevin ‘fuckin’ Nealon, and I work at Home Depot. You got a problem with that? No? Good. Now let’s go find you that quarter-inch wood paneling on aisle five.”

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“If Harrison doesn’t marry me soon, I swear I’m just gonna let myself go.”

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“A grizzled drunk, a major geek, a burned-out drug addict and the finger. Yep, that sounds about right for a George Lucas tribute special.”

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“Vote for Pedro.”

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“I put a spell on you, because you’re mine…”

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“You’d be pissed off too if your big summer blockbuster was tanking, and you were dating the blandest guy in Hollywood.”

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“I wonder what Brad’s up to?”

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Bangarang!


15 Comments

  1. Natalie says:

    This is funny as hell! It had me so in stitches, I almost feel out of my chair laughing so hard. I especially love the Nicole Richie picture doing her impression of Paris. That is killer funny! You rock! Keep up with your hilarious articles no matter what people may say about them. They just don’t have any sense of humor, that’s all.

  2. ashley says:

    my goodness… what happened to heath ledger? that’s just wrong.

  3. Jon Law says:

    So does having a creative commons link at the bottom of your page mean you can just steal content from places?

  4. The Jay says:

    No, it means just the opposite. That people can’t steal my content. Are you giving me grief because I did a bunch of Google image searches and dl’ed public release pictures? If you’re a photog that took one of the pictures I posted I will take it down, or credit you. Otherwise, dude, don’t come to my site to give me grief on something everyone on the internet does as well.

  5. Yetused says:

    Hilarious! I love these many middle fingers.

  6. Bob Law says:

    Perhaps I didn’t come off in the most sincere way. But being in google images does not make an image public release. Your site is super dooper pimp, I thought you were above the influence.

    smoke dope … everyone is doing it.

  7. A-Train says:

    For the record, there is something called the Digital Millenium Copyright Act. One notable exception to copyright protection is for the use in critique and/or parody. The Jay does both, which means that a court of law would most likely not find him liable in any way for copyright violation. Next time you want to make some tongue in cheek accusations, learn some law there, Jon.

  8. Patty says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Hilarious!

  9. Melanie says:

    Thanks for the laugh!

  10. Wendy says:

    I never understood why Weese Witherspoon is so popular. I don’t think she’s pretty at all and she isn’t that great of an actress. And what’s up with the indent in Paula Abdul’s chest? That is just freaky..ewwww

  11. Dee says:

    JAY, YOU’RE A GENIUS!!!!

  12. debbie says:

    The Jay does it again. Freakin’ comedy.

  13. michel says:

    lmao!! wtf is up wit paula and that hole thing ewwww!

  14. [...] Reese Witherspoon is well-documented. In fact, you can read about it HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE. I’ve been one of her biggest detractors, despite really liking her early on in [...]

  15. john gorge says:

    who wrote that about heath ledger ill fucking hunt you all down and kill you!!!!

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