Monthly Archives: November 2006

I’m Britney Spears’s Vagina, I’m Kind Of A Big Deal!

Truth be told, you weren’t supposed to see me for another couple years or so. Brit was gonna do the comeback thing, and depending on album sales, we were gonna negotiate an appearance fee with the Maloof Brothers for the next time they needed a pub jump for one of their casino clubs. Continue reading

Posted in Britney Spears, Celebrity, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton | 15 Comments

Turkey Day Movie Choices: 2006

The one thing I can always count on happening each and every year, besides Nic Cage releasing a movie I hate (congratulations go out to the 2006 entry, Wicker Man… shudder), is going to the movies on Thanksgiving. It’s a … Continue reading

Posted in Film | 5 Comments

The Worst Dramatic Performances By Comedians

I’ve figured out their tricks. When a comedian wants to prove his worth in a drama all he really does to convey “acting” is lower his voice, tone the hyperosity level down to “5”, keep his clothes on and frown for two hours. It’s a simple switch of facial ticks. Instead of crane lifting their eyebrows to the comedic heavens, they arch them in to convey sadness and/or regret and/ or whatever emotion they think will look good on their Golden Globe nomination clip. Continue reading

Posted in Film, Vince Vaughn | 2 Comments

Britney Files For Divorce, And Other Things That Are Completely Inevitable

The only surprising piece of news that accompanied the announcement that Britney was finally dropping Kevin on his wife-beatering, bad-rapping, overly virulent sperm-having, lame, dumb-ass was that it took so freaking long to happen. I was astonished it took two years, two poor kids, six tons of Cheetos and stock options in Marlboro Lights for the former pop star hottie to realize she had made a mistake. Continue reading

Posted in Britney Spears, Celebrity, Eddie Murphy, Keanu Reeves, Lindsay Lohan, Lost, Nicole Ritchie, Paris Hilton, The O.C., Tom Cruise | 13 Comments