My goal is to see 150 movies in theaters this year. It’s a lofty, expensive, time-consuming goal but one that I have no intention of failing. Do you know why? Because I will see anything. You put two people in front of a camera picking their noses and eating it, I’m there. I am notorious for seeing the lowest of studio drivel, to the point where my Dad bought me an awesomely bad blaxploitation flick for Hanukkah just to see if I’d watch it. And I did. For twenty minutes anyway.

I just love watching movies. John Tucker Must Die? Why not! Firewall? Where’s it playing? She’s The Man? Happy to pay full price! I enjoy seeing bad movies. I learn more watching crap than I do watching quality. You can see where things went wrong; where the director screwed up the coverage and the editor had to make due, where the actor zoned out mid-scene to think about what club to hit that night, where the story just plain doesn’t make sense and they’re covering by showing good-looking people just standing around looking pretty, or anytime Orlando Bloom shows up. Why would I want to watch Inside Man, a well-made film done by consummate professionals, when I could spend the time laughing at Employee of the Month, a film so bad the celluloid itself is embarrassed by its awfulness?

I’m not without a desire to see quality. I just need that quality to be my kind of quality. The films I look forward to aren’t always the same as your average every day movie geek. I’m not THAT excited for Transformers. I’m blasé about Spider-Man 3. And I could give a shit about Pirates 3, Shrek the Third, Rush Hour 3, or The Bourne Ultimatum. I’m looking forward to quirky indies starring cool actors, big “trainwreck potential” summer blockbusters, and awesomely put together dramas.

So in an effort to help you get to know my tastes better, here’s a look at the 17 films I’m most looking forward to in 2007 (in descending order):

Honorable Mention: Blades of Glory

Take a look at this hilarious trailer and prepare for an a-ton load of “magic junk” references for the next 365.

17. The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward James Ford

Quite possibly the most awesome title of any flick coming out this year. I dig seeing stars do westerns (this slot could have easily been taken by the Russell Crowe/Christian Bale duster, 3:10 To Yuma), and it’s always fun to see what actors look like with dirty facial hair. Brad Pitt, for example, looks great with his Jesse James dirty ‘stache. A stellar cast (Pitt, Sam Rockwell, Casey Affleck, Zooey Deschanel, Mary Louise Parker) and a kick title make a movie I anticipate, plain and simple.

16. American Gangster

Denzel Washington as a drug kingpin, Russell Crowe as the cop tasked with taking him down, Ridley Scott directing AND it’s set in the 70’s? Looks like somebody stole all the cool points from the awesome jar.

15. The Other Boleyn Girl

Natalie Portman AND Scarlet Johansson? On-screen together? Um, yes please. I could watch them braid each others hair for two hours and feel like I got full value out of my ticket. In fact, I kinda hope this flick IS about them braiding each others hair. Also, Eric Bana kicks ass and I’m kinda curious to see which of the two hotties he ends up with. My money’s on Portman, she’s a scrapper. I kinda think Scarlet would fold like an US Weekly if you fronted her.

14. Transformers the Movie

Ok, I am looking forward to it, just not THAT much. I don’t get my geek up over the changes Michael Bay is making; after all, Transformers wasn’t sacred text, it was a fucking 80’s cartoon show made to sell toys! Now if he were doing Voltron I’d be a little more emotionally invested. I’ll be there opening day, I’ll enjoy the giant robot fighting action and I’ll go home. And I will have been thankful I didn’t get into the hate ring with all the loser geeks who snot up the AICN chat boards. Seriously people, it’s an 80’s cartoon show about giant fucking robots. Let’s get some perspective.

13. The Darjeeling Limited

I’ll see any movie Wes Anderson ever makes. Period.

12. Southland Tales

I didn’t love Donnie Darko, director Richard Kelly’s first film, but I’m intrigued by his follow up. The cast is particularly peculiar: Seann William Scott, The Rock, Sarah Michelle Gellar (as a pornstar!), Kevin Smith, Mandy Moore, Jon Lovitz, Justin Timberlake and Christopher Lambert (The Rock vs. The Highlander would be so tight). It’s apparently a futuristic musical set in The Valley about a porn star doing a reality show and some big government conspiracy. I have no idea what to make of that description. Early reactions by those who have seen it say it’s either fantastic or it “completely sucks balls”. Like I said, I don’t know, but I’m intrigued.

11. 300

Full disclosure: I wasn’t a fan of Sin City. I liked the visuals and appreciated the style, but the writing was weak and the story was thin. Only half the actors were any good (hi Bruce! Holla Mickey Rourke! You suck, Alba!), and I was only really entertained by the Mickey Rourke story. 300, on the other hand, is a whole different ball of awesome. Same visual style, but a much better story. 300 Spartan soldiers taking on 1 million Persian warriors is something I want to see. What I’ve caught so far has been as beautiful, intense and flat out “cool” as anything I’ve seen in a decade. If this film doesn’t make serious MFU money, I’d be gobsmacked.

10. Black Snake Moan

I have a lot of reasons for wanting to see this flick, not least of which is that Christina Ricci spends the majority of the movie in a, ahem, near naked state. Other reasons to watch: now that Alpha Dog has been released, can Justin Timberlake prove that his one good performance wasn’t just a fluke? Will this finally be the film that gets Samuel L. Jackson off my “My Most Unwatchable Actors in Hollywood” list? Did I mention Christina Ricci is playing a nymphomaniac chained to a radiator, dressed only in a dirty tee and boy shorts? Seriously, it doesn’t take much to get me into a theater. But a sweaty, sex-starved, clothes-less Wednesday Addams will definitely do the trick.

9. Grindhouse

Everything about this project sounds like it will be my type of flick. Kurt Russell hamming it up as a bad ass psychopath. Marley Shelton looking deranged, hot and wielding a syringe. Wierdo hottie Rose McGowan with a machine gun for a leg. Danny Trejo playing a dude named Machete. Sayid from Lost hunting zombies. The triumphant return of Michael Biehn. I may have just had multiple geekgasms. Let’s hope Quentin and Robert can play nicer than they did during Four Rooms. I’ve haven’t thrown up since 1996 and I’d like to keep it that way.

8. Gone, Baby, Gone

My boy Ben Affleck’s directorial debut. Oh, is that not enough to entice you into the theater? How about that it stars Kiss Kiss Bang Bang hottie Michelle Monaghan? Does that do anything for you? No? Ben Affleck doesn’t actually act it in you know, he just wrote and directed. He did win an Oscar for writing Good Will Hunting, remember? Still waffling? Alright, I’ll bring out the big guns. The film costars Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman. Yeah, that’s what I thought. I’ll pick you up at seven on opening night. Don’t forget a jacket.

7. I Am Legend

I, like a lot of geeks, have read the legendary Mark Protosevich draft of I Am Legend that was supposed to star Arnold Schwarzenegger and be directed by Ridley Scott almost a decade ago. It’s a great script that would have made an even better movie. I’d go so far as to say it would have given the Governator five or six more high-profile movie years. But the powers that be, in their infinite stupidity, shelved it and left it to die of creative dehydration. Apparently, Will Smith is an expert at screenplay mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Would I have picked him to star as the only man still alive on Earth? Probably not. But on the bright side, at least it isn’t Michael Bay directing Nicolas Cage (which was the big rumor for years). I loved the original Richard Matheson short story, I have history with this project and I look forward to seeing Will be an action hero again. I have no interest in seeing him in a weepy father movie that doesn’t include at least one scene of him punching an alien in the face.

6. Shoot ‘Em Up

Clive Owen spends the entire movie shooting at people while holding a newborn baby. I can’t believe no one’s ever made that into a movie before. Monica Bellucci vamps as the hottie, and Paul Giamatti chews scenery as the heavy. Now they’re just teasing me. Also, Matthew Davis is one of my favorite directors. He made Eight Days A Week and 100 Girls, two comedies I am addicted to. I’m a bit surprised he decided to do a balls-out action movie, but for the man who once gave me an entire scene revolving around Keri Russell’s bikinied nipples, I’d follow his work into a burning building.

5. Live Free Or Die Hard

Remember what I said about “trainwreck potential” summer blockbusters? This third sequel will either be an awesome return to form for Bruce (like, say, T3: Rise of the Machines), or an unmitigated disaster that taints the entire series (think Lethal Weapon 4). I’m kind of leaning towards the former at this point. I didn’t see much I liked in the trailer, and its way jarring to see a bald, fully clothed John McClaine, but I have to think that Bruce knows what he’s doing. He has a good eye for his onscreen persona; I doubt he’d tarnish his greatest career accomplishment by doing an average paycheck explosion flick. Of course, I have to think this because I love the series so much. Just know that deep down I am violently nervous I’ll hate this movie.

4. TMNT

I’m less interested in seeing the movie because my Hebrew name is Raphael (true story), than I am because the Nintendo game based on the animated series was so fucking awesome. I love this franchise. And while I’m sorry I won’t get to hear the voice talent of Corey Feldman again, I’m stoked to see what the turtles are gonna look like computerized. Plus the voice cast is excellent: Patrick Stewart, Mako, Kevin Smith, Chris Evans, Ziyi Zhang and the SMG. If any film this year gets me to buy its merchandise, TMNT will be that film. I still have fond memories of whapping my little brother in the head with one of Raphael’s plastic Toys-R-Us sai’s. Good times. For me, not for him.

3. The Lookout

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is my favorite next gen actor, right behind the newly-star turned Ryan Gosling. He earned buckets of cred points with me after his stellar work in Brick, and this new movie looks like a great next step for him. I’ve met writer/director Scott Frank and found him to be an intelligent, well-read, passionate guy. He’s been trying to get this movie made for seven years. Now that he’s finally found done it, I doubt he’ll screw it up. This looks like a spiritual cousin to his own Out of Sight screenplay, mixed in with a little Brick action; a potent combination the results of which I’m dying to see. March 23rd couldn’t get here fast enough.

2. The Simpsons Movie

Will the entire movie be redundant? Will it just be one bigger, extended episode? Haven’t we seen pretty much all we need to see about this world? I don’t have answers to any of those questions, but I’m not about to miss this flick. When The Simpsons is rocking it’s the funniest show on television. They may be old school, but when they have their fastball they bring it harder than South Park, Drawn Together and the entire Adult Swim lineup combined. And besides, even if the film doesn’t bring the heat, it’s The Simpsons, who doesn’t enjoy watching the show? That’s why it’s been on for sixteen years and the repeats play eighty times a day. No one has ever gotten tired of this cartoon. Hell, it’s practically national canon at this point. Count me in as one of the millions who will be there opening weekend to support this American standard.

1. Charlie Wilson’s War

I don’t need explosions. I don’t need CGI creatures. I don’t need Ben Stiller or the Frat Pack doing stupid things for my attention. All I need is great artists making great art. Mike Nichols directing an Aaron Sorkin script starring Tom Hanks, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams and Julia Roberts. The three big guns (Sokrin, Nichols, Hanks) are all on my top ten lists in their respective categories. I’m eager to see how Julia and Tom work together. And I finally have Sorkin back doing what he does best (politics). You can have your Giant Fucking Robot movie. You can take your Johnny Depp fairy pirate nonsense. You can keep Spider-Man. I’ll take Charlie Wilson’s War. For me, this is the event of the year.

Bangarang!

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