Joss Whedon, creator of spunky, quip-delivering, leather-pants wearing, vampire killing, she bitch slayers, and the reason Sarah Michelle Gellar was unfortunately unleashed upon the world, has officially left the long-in-development Wonder Woman movie. Pressed for comment on his unexpected exodus, Whedon said
“Hey, I already screwed up the Alien franchise and the entire last three seasons of Buffy, did you really want me ruining another iconic female character? I totally would have had her navel gazing and pining for a hammy bohunk by act two. Also, The Jay, you’re welcome for Eliza Dushku.”
I may have made some of that up. Or all of it. Here’s what he really said, courtesy of his exceedingly scary, official nob-slobbing fansite, Whedonesque (seriously, don’t click the link unless you want to see the dark side of fandom. His rapid cult of fans make Star Wars geeks look Christian Slater in Heathers-cool by comparison):
“You (hopefully) heard it here first: I’m no longer slated to make Wonder Woman. What? But how? My chest… so tight! Okay, stay calm and I’ll explain as best I can. It’s pretty complicated, so bear with me. I had a take on the film that, well, nobody liked. Hey, not that complicated.
Let me stress first that everybody at the studio and Silver Pictures were cool and professional. We just saw different movies, and at the price range this kind of movie hangs in, that’s never gonna work. Non-sympatico. It happens all the time. I don’t think any of us expected it to this time, but it did. Everybody knows how long I was taking, what a struggle that script was, and though I felt good about what I was coming up with, it was never gonna be a simple slam-dunk. I like to think it rolled around the rim a little bit, but others may have differing views.
The worst thing that can happen in this scenario is that the studio just keeps hammering out changes and the writer falls into a horrible limbo of development. These guys had the clarity and grace to skip that part. So I’m a free man.
But most importantly, I never have to answer THAT question again!!!! And you don’t have to link to every rumor site! Finally and forever: I never had an actress picked out, or even a consistant front-runner. I didn’t have time to waste on casting when I was so busy air-balling on the script. (No! Rim! There was rim!) That’s the greatest relief of all. I can do interviews again!
-j.
ps All right, it was Cobie Smulders. Sorry, Cobes.
That’s all fine and mildly witty (much like the entirety of Xander Harris), but I could care less about the entire project, so can we take notice of what was really important in that statement? He was going to cast Cobie Smulders.
Robin Sparkles as Wonder Woman!
That would have been, dare I say it, legendary! Not only is the How I Met Your Mother hottie the spitting image of the Amazononian warrior, she’s also a terrifically talented actress. Great comedic timing, has the best innocent porn name in Hollywood, knows how to use her sexuality as a weapon for both good and evil, courageous at laser tag, and to top it all of she’s great friends with Barney Stinson. And you know what that means; to get into character she would have had to Superhero Suit Up!
She’s a totally underrated TV hottie. As far as brunettes go, I’d rank Cobie slightly behind Evangeline Lilly and about nine places ahead of either Gilmore Girl. After Barney, her Robin Scherbatsky is my favorite character on How I Met. This has some to do with her hilarious newsroom scenes with the hugemongous prick from Angel, and a whole heaping lot to do with how frustrated she makes Ted (I secretly kind of hate Ted). But most of all, I heart Cobie for this video:
How awesome is that video, on a scale one to ten? Infinity. That video is infinity cool.
I can’t believe no one ever floated her name before. The race for the WW role was as hotly contested as the last Bond flick, but I definitely prefer her over the litany of starlets that were rumored to have gotten the job at one point or another. Those being: Sandra Bullock (in this version Wonder Woman is kind of annoying and has A-cups), Morenna Baccarin (who?), Katharine McPhee (hA!), Monica Bellucci (closer…), Sophia Bush (please!), Charisma Carpenter (this would have made my friend Tim deliriously happy), Jessica Biel (fine, I guess) and J.Lo (F that noise! Also, see: Bullock, Sandra).
Now let me tell you how Joss Whedon could have made me the happiest geek alive (aside from releasing a tell-all book entitled “How To Make A Hit TV Show With A Huge Beeyotch As Your Star”.
I was a moderate fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I followed it mostly because it was the only show on TV at the time that used modern pop culture references; it had Seth Green (and I was loyal to him for his Wiley in Airborne), I enjoyed hurling obscenities at SMG, David Boreananas (sp?) was unendingly fun to make fun of (I haven’t seen acting that stiff since Rick Solomon flipped on the night vision), and most of all, the aforementioned Eliza Dushku (who karmically balanced for The WB for foisting James Van Der EightHead on us). But the show degenerated to shit by the fifth season (when she took on a Euro-trash version of Dracula that unfortunately looked nothing like Gary Oldman). And I was never into Angel or Serenity. Basically, Joss Whedon was OK in my book, aside from the Alien: Resurrection final act debacle and of course, giving unto the world SMG. But he’s officially in my cool book for wanting to cast Cobie Smulders as Wonder Woman.
But he could have made the most awesome moment in pop culture geekery if at one point during the flick he had Wonder Woman going to the mall (today!). I would have paid eleventy-billion dollars to see Robin Sparkles, dressed as the Amazonian Warrior, fly her invisible jet to the local mall. I would have robbed a fucking bank to fund that moment.
Robin Sparkles is just THAT awesome.
I was never that interested in a Wonder Woman movie, mostly because we already have a hot female action hero (holla, Angelina!), the film would have inevitably been as cheesy as the ‘70’s TV show (love the spinning) and because as much as I like Cobie, nothing really beats seeing Rachel Bilson don the Wonder Woman outfit on the first season of The OC in her ill-fated attempt to seduce Seth Cohen away from the obnoxious Anna Stern (reason #349 why Adam Brody pretty much sucks), but I’m one-tearing for what might have been had Joss stayed on the film. And I will always wonder what store of the mall Wonder Woman would have shopped at.
Who am I kidding? It would have so been Golden Lassoes of Truth-R-Us.
Let’s Go To The Mall, Today!
CLICK HERE to subscribe to TheJay.com RSS Feed
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
Yes, that casting would have been perfect…but damn you for the poppy gummy nonsense you’ve pretty much permanently crammed into my brain. Not can I think of no sound that wasn’t part of that video, but I find myself compelled to go to the mall, a place I typically try to avoid.
Damn you, The Jay. Damn you to the mall.
b
Ah, Cobie Smoulders (misspelling intended) on “How I Met Your Mother.” Another US show botched by the BBC when they showed it (thanks to their scheduling – also known as Seinfeld Syndrome – I wound up missing more than half of it). Ah well.
I actually liked “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” from first show to last, but I’ll let you off because a) I never liked Angel either, b) I never liked “Angel,” and c) Anna Stern was a pain, yes. Morena Baccarin was someone on “Firefly” apparently (which I admit I didn’t watch because Fox cancelled “Dark Angel” to make way for it – needless to say when “Serenity” failed to set the box office alight I wasn’t exactly upset), by the way.
Robin Sparkles is my hero. 8 words…”I’m gonna rock your body til Canada Day”
But let me get one thing straight. You want everyone to go to the mall…today?
Robin Sparkles would have definitely made an amazing WW and I am going to hope that they actually make this movie and cast her in it. I would love to see a modern version of Wonder Woman kick ass; give young girls someone other than trash (Lohan, Paris, Brittany,etc) to look up to.
OK I know I’m gonna sound like a browncoat geek, but you seriously need to give Firefly a second look now that it’s out on DVD… Angel and Buffy were Joss’ kindergarten scribbles compared the the genious work of art that Firefly quickly became to the few that caught it. And don’t cheat by watching Serenity – it’s a catch up, arch-tying-up, two-hour, cliff notes of a film that doesn’t do the show justice.
Re WonderWoman – I can’t see anybody making that superhero interesting enough to watch for 2 hours and $10 !! Garner, Theron and Thurman have all done the supergirl thing in the last coupla years and all have tanked. Let Linda Carter bury the Lasso of Truth…
Re Sparkles – loved the video!! Looked nearly authenticly ’80s (and I should know…) very fun. BTW, that’s NOT the Canadian prime minister… just so ya know.
JoBaby
Holy crap – forgive my spelling, I didn’t proofread before I posted. No going back. Sigh. Call me trigger finger.
“OK I know I’m gonna sound like a browncoat geek, but you seriously need to give Firefly a second look now that it’s out on DVD…”
No. And you can’t make me.
“Re WonderWoman – I can’t see anybody making that superhero interesting enough to watch for 2 hours and $10 !! Garner, Theron and Thurman have all done the supergirl thing in the last coupla years and all have tanked. Let Linda Carter bury the Lasso of Truth…”
People thought sound was a fad as well; someone WILL pull it off sooner or later.
I freakin love Cobie and How I Met Your Mother, but hope that Wonder Woman doesn’t get made because then I will be forced to go see it with my comic book loving boyfriend. Oh, and loved the use of superhero suit up!
Jay, you should give Firefly/Serenity a chance. Its actually really good. Way better than Buffy or Angel. I gave Brick a chance and enjoyed it.
Steog: Did you see Brick because I recommended it? Because if you did, then OK, I guess I’ll be obligated to give Firefly a chance. But only a two episode chance. Nathan Fillion better dance his lights out, so to speak.
Jay; that’s all kinds of Yatta that you’ll give Firefly a second look!
Just do us a favour and don’t even think about Buffy or Angel before you start. I couldn’t stand either of those shows at all but I am devoted to Mal & crew. On top of everything else wonderful about it, just check out the premium production values on this show. Each ep. is as entertaining as an entire movie.
I also saw Brick on your recommedation. JGL was pretty darn good.
And Cindylover — I can’t make you, true… but don’t hold it against the show because Dark Angel was cut short to find a place for it!! I liked Dark Angel too and wondered what had happened to it. It had promise. Not the first time a network has done it, not the last. Anyone else remember a cool little show in the wake of X-Files and Millenium called… Strange Luck? (I think that was it.) DB Sweeney as a guy called Chance? Cancelled for no apparent reason, either.
You and Jay check it out and let us know what ya think.
… and Star Trek fans ARE TOO! more geeky than Firefly fans… well, they are…
ok, i’m both… but I’m still “Heathers” cool…? I am… well actually when you think about it?.. those girls were really just kinda mean…
maybe I should just go to the mall… today.
Jay,
It’s Steog (I have no idea why I didn’t noticed that I spelled my name wrong). I watched Brick yesterday and loved it, and yes, I rented it because you recommmended it. Let us know your thoughts on the first two episodes of Firefly, and don’t let your will to prove us wrong cloud your judgement.
Sorry, JoBaby, but no. The residual resentment, PLUS the annoying behaviour of “browncoats” when the movie came out (e.g. hardcore fans’ refusal to accept it was preaching to the converted at the box office), means this is one bridge I’m never going to be able to cross. You can’t stop the signal my ass…
LOL Ok Cindylover. Guess they did stop the signal… I agree the movie was hastily-made in an attempt to be all things to all people, hardcore fans, “normal” fans, newbies dragged in by fans, etc and failed to please most everyone. I can understand Joss’ desire to give it a proper ending and burial, so the effort was appreciated. But it was never up to the standard of the series.
And Steph, you’ll always be Steog to us!
[...] I mused on the first trailer of Phantom Menace-level awesomeness that is the possibility that Robin Sparkles was going to be Wonder Woman. I finally catalogued all the signs to tell that you are watching a Bad Nicolas Cage Movie. I made [...]