The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it’s their fault.

They mostly come at night. Mostly.

We all go a little mad sometimes.

You’ve lost, you just don’t know it yet.

Fred Willard + Bikinis = Heaven

This movie is rated “R” for violence, language, sexual situations and nudity.

Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.

What’s next?

Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth.

Feeling screwed up at a screwed up time in a screwed up place does not necessarily make you screwed up.

If you haven’t seen it, it’s new to you!

The Internet As A Tool For Good.

Don’t ask me how my flight went. If something interesting had happened, I would have told you.

Whoa.

Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn’t cure.

MySpace is for whores.

THIS! IS! SPARTA!

I will be there as soon as traffic allows.

Now I know I’m pretty, but I ain’t as pretty as a couple of titties.

Good writers borrow from other writers; great writers steal from them outright.

Decisions are made by those who show up.

Always Be Closing

people are afraid to merge on freeways in los angeles

The covers of this book are too far apart.

You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Chance favors the prepared mind.

It can’t rain all the time.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Strong reasons make strong actions.

Talk hard!

Bangarang!

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