Grading the American Idol Top 11 On The Tivo Multi-Bloop Scale

The Top 11 came correct this week; from top to bottom one of the most solid shows, performance-wise, in as long as I can remember. The quality of the show was a direct result of the theme of the week. British Invasion / The 60’s opened up a broader, more fun palette of songs for the contestants to choose from, songs they knew and love, and that familiarity and passion made the performances brought out the best in all the Idol hopefuls (Sanjaya excluded, of course). Big props to Peter Noone and Lulu, two singers I wasn’t familiar with and was ready to completely discount; they were great teachers, knew the show and what the singers needed to do grab the attention of the viewers, were extremely knowledgeable about all the chosen songs and were, most of all, fun to watch. Regardless of their relevance (ahem, Diana), they were perfect artists to headline this week on Idol.

As stated before, I’ve decided to recap the show week-to-week and grade the singers on a sliding scale of how much I wanted to, or did, TiVo-bloop through the song. At the end of each recap I’ll make my pick for who should (and hopefully will) get the axe on the Wednesday night results show.

Let’s break it down, bloop bloop style!

1. Chris Sligh – Now that’s the Chris Sligh I’ve been missing! No bloops whatsoever for the Slighster this week. I dug the walk through the crowd, the mic stand transportation, the return of the glasses (peace out, creepy eyes!), and the perfect song choice. I wanted to hear more of the song and I was inclined to hit up iTunes to hear the OG version (but instead I just reverse-blooped and watched the perf again. Love that TiVo!). A major step up from the monstrosity he became in the last few weeks, when all is said and done, this may be considered the turning point for Sligh as an American Idol True Contender.

2. Melinda Dolittle – I was tempted to one-bloop during the opening notes, but then I punched myself in the head and remembered it’s the Dolittle, she’s gonna get the job done. And she did. The vocal, taken as a whole, was spot on, crisp and gripping. She delivers the chills every time she puts her lips to the mic. I love the voice, the look and the personality. And I might add, girl looked GOOD in that bob do. Haley better watch out…

3. Blake Lewis – A great ornamentation, smooth melody, solid mixture of beat boxing and straight singing and a cool, controlled and confident vocal earns Blake a bloop-free performance that may have vaulted him to the top tier of contestants. The judges love him, the audience loves him, he brings a unique sound to the competition, and he even got Seacrest to dance! What can’t he do? In my book, this is Melinda and Blake’s show to lose.

4. Jordin Sparks – All female singers on Idol this season must be compared against the level set by the reigning contender, that being Melinda Dolittle and her automatic non-bloop status. On this night, Jordin took a big swing at knocking down the Dolittle. I was tempted to one-bloop to stop the suicide thoughts in my head, but however dreadful the lyrics may have been, it would have meant denying my ears the kick ass voice of Jordin Sparks. And that’s something I can not do. For me, it’s Melinda first, Blake second and Jordin crashing hard into third.

5. Haley Scarnato – That was a “drop the TiVo, lock the door and have some private time with Idol performance” straight out of the Kat McPhee playbook. Haley was smart enough to know that to stay in this competition she needs to highlight the fact that she’s the hottest girl on the show. So she brought out the gams, left the bra in the dressing room and shook her goods straight into the land of Safetown. Simon was completely on point in describing the singing as screechy at points, but really, what does it matter? She’s our Official Season Six Eye Candy, and my TiVmote is getting a rest every time she’s on stage.

6. Gina Glocksen – She gets automatic double bloop exemption for her kick ass rocker do, well played leather pants and insertion of the Stones into little old, square American Idol. But taking that all into account, she still can’t avoid a one bloop. Every time she stalked the stage she lost her breath. She had problems pulling the mic off the mic stand and the hair was distracting as all get out. I liked the “let it go and wail” parts, but the restrained chorus was tough to sit through. The rocker role will take her through the bottom rounds but she needs to refine her vocals if she wants to break out of the middle of the pack.

7. Chris Richardson – He was in the unfortunate position of singing directly after the Haley Scarnato Hottie Tornado, so he suffered a reverse double-bloop back to Scarnato’s toned legs and exposed back, then a mild one-bloop through his saccharine ballad. He sang it well and looked snap collar perfect, but he just does nothing for me. He’s the male Haley for all the lady viewers. And he’ll definitely be back next week. But hopefully he’ll go back to his signature fast-pace performances, as I’d like to not bloop through him again for a few rounds.

8. Lakisha Jones – When she unleashes the Big Voice she’s bloop free, but when she has to talk through a verse or deal with a slow chorus I can’t hit the bloop button fast enough. She’s safe this week, but if she dropped this type of performance near the end of the season she’d be getting the boot. Plus, if you’re gonna do a Bond theme, why would you not do Live and Let Die? Lakisha by way of GnR and The Beatles is a Lakisha I wanna see.

9. Phil Stacey – Phil in that white button down shirt was something out of a THX-1138 deleted scene. Or out of a rerun of Stargate: Atlantis. He has got to start mitigating the bald alien factor. Based on looks alone, he’s a two bloop guy every time. But judged on the voice he’s merely an intermittent one bloop. I love the big notes, yet I involuntarily twitch at the falsetto ones. He’ll be in the bottom three again, but for this week he’ll be OK. But dude, Phil, do NOT wear white again. I thought I was watching one of those bad X-Files episodes where the Duchovny was M.I.A. and Scully had to grin and bear it through another week of oak-acting Robert Patrick.

10. Stephanie Edwards – Stiff as a bored + Dull / Beyonce voice, again? = the night’s first double bloop performance. Tactical error on Stephanie’s part, I think. She’ll never out sing Melinda or Lakisha so slow, big vocal songs aren’t the way to go. She needs to be eclectic with her song choice and really dig her heels into a persona that no one else on the show is occupying. And she needs to find it fast because I’ve double blooped her for two straight weeks and have no intention of slowing down if she survives. I gotta feeling I won’t have to worry about it.

11. Sanjaya Malakar – I have to accept that as much as I triple the kid into oblivion, Sanjaya is the Scott Savol of Season Six, and as such, is going to be around for awhile (after all, he made a little blonde girl cry Beatle-esque tears of joy. And little girls pick the winners on this show). But please God, someone please crush some singing pills into this kid’s Diet Coke. He yelled and screeched his way through a performance that would have gotten him laughed off the karaoke stage at his own birthday. It had energy and passion, I guess, but it was a full frontal assault on the ears. Good thing for me, my triple bloop meant I avoided any lasting trauma.

Bottom Three: Phil, Stephanie and Sanjaya

My prediction for who gets the axe this week: Stephanie Edwards

Bangarang!

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