NOTE: I wrote this last year to celebrate the Bearded Master’s big time 60th, and am reposting it on it’s own with some fun updates to honor his 61st. To check out the original post, CLICK HERE

Birthday wishes go out to Steven Spielberg, my all-time favorite director, who celebrates his 61st birthday today. He may not always make the coolest movies, or even the smartest movies, but his movies are always exceedingly watchable, expertly made and laced with the type of magic seldom seen on-screen. In other words, he makes the best movies.

There isn’t a person in this country who doesn’t love at least one of his flicks, be it Jaws, Raiders, E.T., Jurassic Park, or one of the other twenty-one. His films touch our hearts, excite our minds and dazzle our eyes. He is responsible for millions of kids wanting to be film directors; and the conductor of an even higher number of childhood playtime fantasies (who didn’t run around their cul-de-sac looking for little gold idols and demeaning a tiny Chinese boy, like Indiana Jones?). He was my first inspiration as a writer and budding director, and he remains my favorite creator of movie magic. Even when he makes a movie I don’t like (like The Terminal) I still find great things in it, like the amazing airport set, which I got to walk through when I worked as an extra on the film (which means I might just love it because I’m visible in two shots of the movie).

One of my favorite recent Spielberg trends is his tendency to give himself one and then immediately give us one better as an apology. For every lame-ass Zorro sequel he produces, he gives you the superb Munich, where we got to see Bana, Blonde Bond and Captain Barbossa get their Warrior Jew on and blow up some evil doers (with some choice T&A throw in for good measure). He encourages the employment of Paul Haggis by letting him write the two Clint Eastwood war movies nobody could give a shit about, and then double backs on you with a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick of awesomeness by unleashing Michael Bay and his big mfing robots spectacular (which was actually pretty good!). And even when he gives the geek world a collective cardiac episode by bringing in the Labeouf and dumping Sean Connery on Indy 4, we quickly forgive him when he slicks us up with the “Here Comes Karen Allen” reacharound. At this point I don’t even worry about liking or not liking his next project because I know he’ll always have something coming down the pike that is sure to pwn me harder than Summer Roberts dressed as Wonder Woman.

(I’ve got a feeling that even though the entire blogosphere is walking on eggshells, Indy 4 is gonna rock hard tasty abs 24/7 washerboard-style. And who isn’t at least intrigued by his Lincoln biopic? I love that he always casts Liam Neeson when he wants to free some slaves on-screen. Good ole Qui-Gon is his go to Freedom Fighter; this country could do worse, lemme tell you…).

I’ve mancrushed more on other directors (holla, QT!), tried to Single White Female my share of indie darlings (Wes Anderson, you will be mine) and eyebrow waggled at some flash in the pans (bite my ass, PTA, making a Daniel Day-Lewis flick doesn’t make up for Magnolia. NOTHING WILL!), but I’ve never strayed too long from my love of little Stevie. He’ll always be the one I come back to. The one whose work means the most to me. The one who started it all.

He’s the Joey to my Pacey (Dawson can go screw). The Turner to my Hooch. The Bleeker to my Juno. The edgy stubble to my beleaguered Jack Shepherd. The Hiro to my Ando. The KY to my roughshod pornstar before a tricky desert sand sex scene. The Gwen to my No Doubt. The cheeto to my Britney. The snark to my Josh Schwartz teen drama. The pouring rain to my John Cusack medium shot of dramatic longing. The Keanu to my whoa.

The one who can do no wrong. (No, not even the last 15 minutes of A.I.)

To honor the bearded great one on his day of days, here are ten Spielberg Movie Moments that completely wreck me:

• The over the shoulder pull back to reveal the government base at Devil’s Mountain, in Close Encounters. The first use of what is now known as “The Spielberg Shot”. Often imitated, never topped, it is still the best way to do a reveal on film.

• The trailer over the cliff sequence in The Lost World. So well-choreographed and executed, it comes off like a Gene Kelly dance, as interpreted by Wes Craven. I love the look on Julianne Moore’s face when she realizes what’s about to happen. “Oh shit” never looked cooler on a girl.

• Two moments stand out for me from Jaws: 1. The entire USS Indianapolis speech (“..thing about a shark. He’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes…”). 2. When the shark drags the first barrel underwater and Hooper loses him in a chase; I love the quiet moment when Quint stands on the end of the starboard walk ramp, holding his rifle and shaking his head, while the sun sets beautifully around him. It was a look that spoke volumes. We’re gonna need a bigger boat, indeed.

• The climax in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when Indy is hanging off the ledge, desperately trying to reach the grail cup, while Henry tries to pull him to safety. Henry can’t get Indy’s attention, and their grip is starting to falter. Indy’s got mad glory in his eyes, but Henry realizes what’s truly important and gives Indy the lesson our intrepid archeologist has been looking for since we saw him run from the boulder in Raiders.

Henry: Indiana. Indiana, let it go.

That line gets me more than any other moment in the series. A perfect encapsulation of the life these men lead. Man alive, can Spielberg make a movie!

• The scenes of kids trick-or-treating in E.T. As a boy who grew up in The Valley, watching a movie about a young boy and his alien best friend who lived, essentially, around the corner from me (I used to play in the same park as Elliot), brought me countless fever dreams and daytime pretend adventures. The moon shot is still a stunning image, and easily makes for the best production company logo EVER.

• The epic 20 minute storming the beach scene in Saving Private Ryan, specifically the extended sequences done in silence as Tom, slightly deafened from a blast, takes in the violence happening all around him. Arguably the most realistic depiction of war ever committed to celluloid. And the fact that this film lost to a Gwyneth Paltrow romantic comedy makes me sick at both ends.

• The opening credits of Catch Me If You Can, with the Pink Panther-like animation and the John Williams jazz riff. It was a signal that we were not about to see a typical Steven Spielberg fantasy, but instead something far more playful and sophisticated. And it is easily my favorite Spielberg movie of the last ten years.

• The spider sequence in Minority Report. The creepy mechanical crawlers search the entire building looking for Tom Cruise’s John Anderton (the last time The Cruiser was effortlessly cool on-screen). They can’t detect Cruise because he’s lying motionless in an ice cold bathtub. The last spider is walking away when Cruise lets one tiny air bubble slip out of his mouth. And the spider hears it. The delicate double take of the CGI creature is so smooth, so graceful as to be almost unnoticeable. But let there be no mistake, it is a sly stroke of genius. And serves as yet another reminder why Spielberg uses CGI better than anyone else on the planet. Michael Bay better learn himself an education by next summer. Bumblebee taking a wiz on The Jesus does not a classic flick make.

• “Oh, there you are, Peter!”

• The first dinosaur reveal in Jurassic Park. Maybe the single best reveal shot of the last half decade. Ellie is going on and on about some indigenous wildlife and Grant turns her head to see what he was looking at and all we see are her eyes go wide. Ellie rises out of the jeep and then BAM, we cut to the most perfectly realized depiction of a prehistoric animal ever put on film. I can still see my Dad shaking in the theater, awestruck by what he was seeing. That’s the type of reaction Spielberg elicits in audiences. He leaves them awestruck; my favorite emotion to have while watching a movie. And I thank him for giving that to me so many times.

Mr. Spielberg… Happy Birthday, sir. We honor you here at TheJay.com. May you continue to create wonder on the silver screen for many more years to come. And you may you manwhore he she bitch slap all the naysayers and deliver the old-ass Indiana Jones sequel of our dreams (with only minor goofy detractions into LaBeouf Land).

For an absolutely fantastic retrospective of Steven Spielberg’s career, CLICK HERE.

Bangarang!