Marlon Wayans has been cast as one of the leads in the upcoming big budget live action G.I. Joe movie. He’ll play Ripcord, the leader of the military unit. Marlon Wayans? Really? You mean the star of Little Man? And Dungeons & Dragons? The guy with the elastic face and nothing else to show for? One of the White Chicks? Seriously, the dude in the picture above? Him? Starring as one of the head Joes? I don’t get the joke.

(I honestly can’t tell if this is the most genius casting this side of hiring Ted “Theodore” Logan to play ass kicking F-B-I AGENT(!) Johnny Utah, or the worst idea since Halle Berry donned cat ears.)

Just thought you might want to know how hard director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing, Deep Rising, other godawful fantasy movies) is working to thoroughly analrape the childhood of every boy who grew up in the 80’s watching the superkick cartoon series and wishing he could throw down on Cobra Commander, get some high five sexy time with The Baroness and go No Retreat, No Surrender-style with Duke, Hawk, and my homegirl Jinx, the totes hot ninja Joe. At this rate, the flick should achieve total nation-wide colon obliteration by post-production.

Rumor has it that Sommers is looking at this guy to star as Duke, the all-man brass-balled asskicking leader of the G.I. Joe strike force:

When reached for comment, scrawny nebbish Peter MacNicol said:

This sure-fire dissapointment also stars Darth Maul, Mr. Eko, Rachel Nichols and (presumably) Sienna Miller(’s tits). I can’t wait to see wait kind of delightful innuendo Miller plans to use to describe her time working on the film. My money is on “G.I. Blows”. Love her!

So mark your calendars for August 7, 2009, this should be a good one! (I will now dig out my Sgt. Slaughter action figure from the bottom of my childhood toychest and weep for the time when things were more awesome. And by that, I mean the 80’s.)

Bangarang!