The International CES Convention is one big technological lapdance. You walk these ginormous halls checking out the latest and greatest in gadgets, gear and acccesories, and you can touch them, and sometimes, if you’re lucky, even play with them, but you can NOT under any circumstances buy them or take ‘em home. You’re just supposed to walk away with the memory of the experience. And that’s cold comfort to gearheads everywhere who need a constant fix of their techno-addiction.
Why tease us? Why let us see the 150″ HDTV if I can’t cut a whole in my wall and crane that bitch in? Why show me the true 3D screens if I’m not gonna get to be nauseous in front of them till at LEAST Q1 08? Don’t keep the Wii Shotgun from me! That’s my whole reason for finally buckling and buying the system! Ya’ll made a mistake up there. Never get a geek riled up if you’re not prepared to calm him down. We’re getting bloggy. You wouldn’t like us when we’re bloggy.
But alas, a fun trip nevertheless. Here’s a heaping helping of pics I took on the many hundreds of feet of the CES floors.
Hitting up the con floor for the first time, looking positively professorially dashing in my brown blazer. Beat THAT, Zach Braff! Boom!
You could watch a lot of porn on all those TV’s.
Looking FUH-lie on a HD TV. Why don’t I have my own network series by now? They really shouldn’t keep people this good looking out of America’s homes.
My home girl KT Tunstall rocking out on a screen the size of Helen Hunt’s bitchy forehead.
Fragging some greasy bitches and dropping some knowledge at the Unreal booth. (OK… FINE! I got pwned pretty bad. But I don’t spend every waking moment playing 1st person shooter games. I have a life. I’m busy being awesome. That’s a 24/7 gig.)
Me and a hottie booth babe. She may have the nice boobs and spectacular midriff but I have a sprakling personality. So, you know, in your face, hot spandex chick! (Yeah, that was a burn!)
The biggest consumer TV in the world. If Pretty Woman were playing it would look like a lunar eclipse every time Julia laughed.
I am this close to getting that Hippo’s phone number.
Suck it, LaBeaouf!
One remote to rule them all.
Come with me if you want to Wii.
LOTS more pictures after the jump.
Rocking the MyVu personal viewing glasses. I’m looking at a screen and wondering what the effing point is. I look like a moron, it’s making me cross-eyed and I can’t even use it unless I’m sitting down in my apartment. Worst! Gadget! Ever!
It’s a-me, The Jay!
The ultra-exclusive Microsoft tent. They wouldn’t let me in. Whatever, bitch. I’m a Mac guy, anyway. Let’s go, Justin Long, we’re obviously not wanted here. I’ll buy you a beer and you can tell me how hard you worked not to be a douchebag in the last Die Hard movie.
The only truly positive experience that came from the Pirates of the Carribean phenomenon: a picture of ME.
Two B-team Booth Babes trying their best to look as good as me. But as you know, losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck The Jay!
The R2D2 projector screen. So so SO sweet!
A lightsaber cell phone. Either the coolest gadget known to man or the worst vibrator I have EVER seen. Can’t decide which one.
I once bought a TV THIS BIG!
Am I drunk in this picture? It’s hard to tell.
Nobody tells The Jay what to do! Rebel yell!
The badass DivX display.
The aforementioned grabby Blackberry guy. Mfer was goosing me behind my back. I’d take that from a T-Mobile sidekick, maybe, but not from a jackass Motorola product.
The Cherry Red 2008 Alpha Romero. It is his pride. It is his joy. It is his fault he did not lock the garage.
The single hottest Booth Babe of the convention. Bitches were standing in line to accost this poor girl.
The remote is inside the computer? (The movie that’s playing is Pushing Tin. Famous for being an awful film despite having four of the five greatest things a movie can have. Angelina nipple shot, Cate Blanchett doing a Jersey accent in hotpants, John Cusack trying to figure out “what it all means” and plane crashes. What an embarassing dissapointment. This definitely needs it’s own column at some point.)
The totes awesome 3D plasma screen. I’d watch Cruel Intentions on this thing; such is the might of it’s awesomeness.
No, no, he didn’t slam you, he didn’t bump you, he didn’t nudge you… he “rubbed” you. And rubbin, son, is racin’.
Heading out of the convention, and taking my awesome with me. Until next year, CES, you tease …
Bangarang!
I need to go to one of these “Con” things you always find yourself at. They look like so much fun.
And what game exactly is the Wii Shotgun supposed to be paired with?
It’s for shooting games, I presume. Like an updated Duckhunt. Or some form of Halo-type game.
It doesn’t much matter if it’s for curling cheese fries, I want the thing!
You rule Jay! Only you could go to a CES convention and still manage to quote Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, you hold the status of legen—-wait for it—-dary.
Pair the shotgun up with Resident Evil Umbrella…
RAWR!
What a great recap of CES Jay! You are so cool. I wish I could have gone.
Where is your AVN recap?