Eff You January, I’m Going For Actressing!

Welcome to the first monthly recap for 200Jay8, The Year of The Jay. For anyone that missed a post or two, here’s your chance to catch up before I fly headlong into the bosom of the Feb. But first, a few favs of the month.

Favorite Movie I Saw In January: Rambo.

Bloody, violent and awesome. As I read somewhere else on the interwebs, Rambo was the best movie 1986 never gave us. I can agree to that. (Though it should have been longer. I needed at least 10 more minutes of Rambo on the big artillery gun blowing away Burmese terrorists, and at least one long rambling speech that is completely unintelligable. What’s a good Stallone movie without the mumbly, tear-filled oratory? And huge biceps?)

Favorite Thing I Read: Issue #60 of Y: The Last Man

A fantastic comic series; I was sad to see it end, but appreciative of the journey it took me on. Even if you don’t read comic books, I urge you to give this a chance. Pick up the first trade book, it’ll be the best twelve bucks you spend this month. And I hope and pray they don’t eff up the movie by casting Shia LaFreakinBeouf. It should be Ryan Gosling or nobody at all.

Favorite Celebrity of the Month: Elisha Cuthbert

There’s crazy, there’s Tara Reid, there’s British Britney, there’s Gary Busey, and there’s willingly making out with Paris Hilton in a nightclub. Holy Jeebus. I knew she wasn’t right in the head when she chopped off all of her hair and started actively trying to become Kirsten Dunst (this, btdub, is the worst sequel idea to Face/Off ever!), but I never thought it would come to this. I’d kiss Natasha Lyonne before I threw down with Paris. At least you could say you snogged an indie queen. With Paris, all you can is pass the Valtrex.

Favorite Pop Culture Moment of the Month: It wasn’t Britney turning British and getting committed. It wasn’t the Cloverfield Monster (which I still haven’t seen), or the Oscar nods, and it definitely wasn’t Ennis Del Mar quitting life. It wasn’t even Peter Griffin attempting to speak Italian. No friendo’s, it was this:

So, SO brilliant.

Now, onto the recap!

- I started out the year with a never-ending recap of every 2007 post. It was so long that whole Celebritard careers were born and slayed even before the mid-point. I’m pretty sure Keanu Reeves discovered the cure for cancer somewhere during the Fall months. But that was inevitable, so I can’t take credit.

- I gave out my annual Year In Film Awards. No surprise that Harry Potter was prominently involved. Any time I hear the words “Expecto Patronum”, blood involuntarily floods my bathing suit area; even if Emma Watson isn’t involved. It’s the darndest thing.

- I questioned the intelligence behind making Marlon Wayans a G.I. Joe. But later was relieved to find that The Quaid would be leading the fight. Now HE’S a Real American Hero.

- I let you follow me around during the CES convention.

- And even showed you some awesome pictures of me awesomely looking awesome while at the thing.

- Lindsay Lohan hit on The Hulk, and the results were not pretty.

- A very important question was asked: What would you give up to save your favorite TV show?

- I introduced the world to my coverage of the 7th Season of American Idol. THIS… Is JAYmerican Idol!

- Randy, Paula, Simon & Ryan all wrote down their goals for the new season.

- Matthew McConaughey was stoked and wowed by the baby growin’ in his ladies womb (named: Tecate Miller Chill McConaughey). Also, he blessed God for evolution.

- Matty Broderick and Sarah Jessica Barbaro Parker take a leisurely gay husband and cokehead wife stroll through the streets of New York.

- Children’s fantasy author Kaza Kingsley sat down with me and I pulled out my Babs Walter master impreshe. “Kaza, do you wax your wegs?”

- The 2008 Oscar nods came out and I was bummed that my boy Ben Affleck and his lovely wife, J-Garns, got shut out.

- Heath Ledger freakin’ died! (And I am still not over it. Reading about Jake’s depression has been harrowing.)

- Nicolas Cage likes to steal tiny dogs off the street, and I’m told, one time shot Harrison Ford in the head. Bapada Boopie!

- Katherine Heigl inexplicably became a movie star without anyone asking for my permission. (Also, how in the world did she place #1 on AskMen.com’s 99 hottest women of 2008? I wouldn’t have her in my Top 50! You’re really saying girls like Marissa Miller and Megan Fox and Adriana Lima are LESS attractive than Izzie Stevens. What has this world come to?)

- Are you gonna be on you way?

- And finally, I got everyone in the mood for the return of the greatest show on Television that doesn’t involve small town Texas football or obnoxious singers being judged by booze addled former pop divas.

To quote a man who came back into my life this month in a big, violent way, “February… I’m coming for you!”

Bangarang!