I recently read online that ShoWest had awarded goofy, mongoloid-y actor Brendan Fraser the Distinguished Decade of Achievement in Film award. Before I was finished reading the news bite I had already set up the template for a post. Some things in life you just can’t ignore. And when one of the most mediocre talents on the planet is given an award this dramatic, I have to immediately start sharpening my knives.
I just couldn’t understand the logic behind this decision. Was it his stellar work in Monkeybone that sealed the deal? Was it how he brought Dudley Do Right in over budget and under grossed? Was it how he deftly avoided being in good movies, to instead paint his smashed face-wagon with such TNT non-new classics as Bedazzled, Blast From the Past (even Chris Walken dancing and my OG girl Alicia looking svelte couldn’t save this movie!), and Sinbad: Beyond the Veils of the Mist (the 2nd Sinbad movie to tank so gloriously, like way to take a lead from a failed Brad Pitt/CZJ disaster there, Brendan!). Or was it perhaps his turn as a bullshit stereotypically racist white guy stereotypically resenting his bullshit stereotypically hysterical WASP wife Sandy Bullock in Crash, the bullshit stereotypical apex of bullshit stereotypical moviemaking?
No, it was for the Mummy movies, wasn’t it?
Is that all it takes now? Two big summer movies spread out over a decade of crap? I just don’t get it. But then again, this has been a weird year for star watching. Britney’s getting committed, Lindsay’s trying to stay sober, and no one even knows WHERE Paris Hilton is (though apparently Elisha Cuthbert found the business end of her gross herpes tongue). Sylvester Stallone is headlining bad ass action movies again, McConaughey is breeding (and praising evolution). Heath Ledger freaking died! People are talking about Katherine Heigl and using their nice words, and Chuck Norris tabled his efforts to make the roundhouse kick an Amendment to the Constitution and became an honest-to-god political power player!
So I guess with that in our recent present, maybe the likes of Brendan Fraser can be considered distinguished. After all, I just watched Eli freakin’ Manning throw a Sisters-in-Shawshank-style beatdown on Bridget Moynahan’s baby daddy and the Pats. At this rate, anything is possible.
You know… comparisons to Brendan’s award and Eli’s win are pretty apt. Both are mediocre talents who have experienced marginal success throughout their career (unless you count Airheads as a bonafide, which don’t), only to luck into one surprising win (the SB for Eli, the Mummy movies and Crash for Brendan). Both look like grinning idiots half the time; Brendan is that weird actor who just looks better when he’s dour. His sad face is like Robin Williams’ beard: you always know you’re watching a better movie when Fraser never cracks a smile. Because when he does you end up with The Scout (George of the Jungle is the exception to that rule, cause the movie is freaking genius – as well as being the last time I found Leslie Mann attractive.). Getting back to it, neither one deserved the win based on their actual talent (Brady is by far the superior QB, and Matt Damon should have won the award over Fraser), and once the smoke clears the reaction isn’t “OMyG, congrats on a well-deserved victory”, but instead “Really? That guy? REALLY? … OK”.
And from my end, I have no feeling towards the thing one way or the other. I’m a Dolphins fan just looking for a good game to watch and hoping that no one brings up the fact that my team choked harder this season that Blonde Ambition did in its theatrical run, and as for Fraser, he can go screw, cause I paid good money to see Looney Tunes: Back in Action and I blame that retarded nonsense on him (and eff Matt Damon like so much Sarah Silverman, I’m always rooting for Ben Affleck!).
Brendan’s latest movie (Inkheart) just got shelved for a YEAR because no one thinks it’s any good. His last passable performance was a guest spot on Scrubs, and even that victory belongs to the brilliance of John C. McGinley. And does anyone really care about a 3rd Mummy movie, especially since they replaced Rachel Weisz with Maria Bello? (Early Vegas odds on Bello dropping the line “You got a nice cock, Mummy” at some point: 7-5.). And yet his career is distinguished?
Here’s the entire list of everything positive that Brendan Fraser has ever given to the spectrum of pop culture:
Played an awesome, straight-headed Jew who wins football games, tags Amy Locane and yells “COWARD” in the rain at Matty D in School Ties.
George of the Jungle
Made Joe Pesci seem tolerable in With Honors. And to a lesser extent, supported the tiny leading lady career of Moira Toepick Kelly, and gave some much-needed foodstamp money to Patrick Dempsey, during his less well-coiffed lean years.
… ummm… sheesh… there’s bound to be something…
Ah, got one! Ended Ricki Lake’s movie career by co-starring in Mrs. Winterbourne.
This award should have/could have gone to Matt Damon, who has nine one-hundred million dollar movies in the last decade, as well as having top-lined two huge franchises, written an Oscar winning movie, and gotten hilariously stuck on Greg Kinnear. Or Matthew McConaughey, who while stoned and smelly most of the time, has had twice the number of hits as Fraser, and is eight times more likeable despite being a lesser actor. Or Clooney, cause he’s Clooney. Or even Ben Stiller, who is equally simian-looking and equally middling onscreen, but doesn’t look nearly as down-syndrome-y when cracking a smile.
Hell, they could have given the award to Vin Diesel! He’s had three huge hits since 2000 alone, and he’s more terrible than Fraser in Looney Tunes: Back in Action (also, Vin once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.)!
So can somebody, ANYBODY, please tell me why of all the beefy, low-voiced, high foreheaded guys who happen to act well against a green screen, Brendan Fraser was the most deserving of ShoWest’s Distinguished Decade of Film Award?
And does this mean Jim Belushi should start preparing a speech for next year? Cause after Brendan Fraser, there ain’t no one more distinguished than Jim Belushi. Trust me, I’ve seen K-9. Twice!
Bangarang!
Word to the nth degree! What a travesty.
ShoWest should have called it, ‘The Award we’re giving to the only star to accept an invitation to our benefit.’
I see you left out his serious, and some say, Brilliant work in films such as “Gods and Monsters”, “The Quiet American”, “The Air I Breathe” and many others where he has held his own or even UPSTAGED some of the giants of cinema. Or do you think Ian McKellen, Michael Caine, Andy Garcia, Forrest Whittaker and Lynn Redgrave, Who all have NOTHING but praise for his acting talent and professionalism, don’t know talent when they work with it??
He also got RAVE reviews playing Brick in “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” in London. What about his role as a gay man in “Twilight of the Golds” in 1997?? That was BEFORE “Will and Grace” made playing a gay guy cool, when most actors saw it as the kiss of death to one’s career. Let him freak you out in “The Passion of Darkly Noon” and see if you look at him in the same way. He is one of the most versitile actors in Hollywood, unfortunately, he is not showcased beyond his “Goofy” or “Action” image.
I love how people pigeonhole actors when they don’t take in someone’s entire body of work. Yes… he likes fun, goofy movies… He’s a fun, goofy guy. He’s also a parent, whom I sure has an eye towards movies that his boys can actually watch.
Maybe you should actually WATCH his movies before you pan his ENTIRE career?
Just sayin’
Brendan is a great, versatile actor! Actually, he has always been underrated despite all his good performances and he deserves this award more than anyone else. Producers, directors and co-actors all find him great and beautiful to work with. According to most of them, he is one of very few actors who can play a goofy role but still look gorgeous in doing so.