There’s only one man who can step in and make this country better…
Only one man who will dare to make the hard choices…
Only one man who has saved the world from an asteroid the size of Texas…
And that man is Ben Affleck, your candidate for the next President of the United States!
His Slogan: “He’ll be the bomb as President, yo!”
His Philosophy on Poverty: “Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn’t fucking have any.”
His Policy on Tax Breaks for the Wealthy: “”They say money can’t buy happiness? Look at the fucking smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby.”
His Stance on the War in Iraq: “General, the President is basing his decisions on some really bad information right now. And if you shut me out, your family, and my family, and twenty-five million other families will be dead in thirty minutes.”
His Stance on Religion: “Ladies and gentlemen, you have been judged guilty of sinning against our almighty God, and I promise you, you shall pay for your trespasses, in blood!”
His Openness To Give Full Disclosure: “You want details? Fine. I drive a Ferrari, 355 Cabriolet. What’s up? I have a ridiculous house in the South Fork. I have every toy you could possibly imagine. And best of all kids, I am liquid.”
His Views on Alternate Lifestyles: “Yeah, well I’ve had my finger up my ass but I wouldn’t say I’ve had anal sex.”
His Related Views on Gay Marriage: “Curious about men? Well, I always wondered why my father watched Hee Haw.”
His Support of the Arts: “Yeah, who’s your favourite New Kid. Yeah, call me Joey. Oh, come on. Don’t make me get loose. Yeah, that’s right. Call me Donnie. Oh, girl. Oh, please don’t go girl.”
His Tough Position on Education: “So this is a Harvard bar, huh? I thought there’d be equations and shit on the wall.”
His Policy for Feeding the Hungry: “Well why don’t you give me your fucking sixteen cents you got on you and we’ll put your sandwich on layaway. There you go, keep it right up here for you. We’ll put you on a program. Everyday you bring your six cents and at the end of the week you’ll get your sandwich.”
His Knowledge of Burgeoning Technology: “The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another.”
His Old-Fashioned Take on Family Values: “No, bullshit, because I wasn’t WITH a hooker today, ha-HA!”
How Ben Affleck Would End The War In Iraq:
/shotgun blast
“Applesauce, bitch!”
His pick for Vice-President:
And most importantly…
Why You Should Vote For Him: “If by some fuckin’ miracle long shot you haven’t heard of my reputation let me tell you who the fuck I am! I am the fuckin’ Sultan of Slick! I am the rule of fuckin’ cool! You wanna be a gangster? You wanna be a thug? You sit at my fuckin’ feet and gather the pearls that emanate forth from me! Because I’m the fuckin’ original, straight-first-foremost, pimp-mack, fuckin hustler, original gangster’s gangster! Also, my name, it’s pronounced “Gigli”, it rhymes with “really”.”
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So if you want a stronger America, a better America, a Gigli-er America, then you have only one choice when you go to the polls today…
Vote Ben Affleck as the next President of the United States!
Bangarang!
Oh my gosh…that is so my candidate….He is the only one with good political views…and after seeing him in Dogma and then reading his religious views….hands down…He’s the man…LOL
Amen!
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