Yep, still bland!

Even with a God-sized snot rocked coating his soft vanilla center he still cannot escape his inherent blandness. There may be no hope for him, at all.

I should feel delighted seeing him get humiliated in front of a screaming audience of kids, but I don’t, cause I already saw that happen in a Saturday matinee of Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

I should think “hmm, green’s a nice color on him”, but I don’t, cause green is a great color on everyone. And by “everyone”, I mean “me” (Jolly Green Giant agrees - ho ho ho!).

I should take it as a mark of entertainment justice that he has no movies lined up right now, and his last role was a cameo in a horrid Brittany Murphy DTV debacle where Thai chooses to rock a Madonna accent and bang the comic book artist who can see the future from Heroes (bet he didn’t see THAT career downturn coming) instead of shacking up with the once mighty Legolas. But I don’t, cause I secretly still love Brittany Murphy (I have a soft spot for girls who admit how crazy they are. Holla, Rose McGowan!), and at least it’s a step up from Kirsten Dunst. Batshit crazy beats vampire teeth everyday of the week and twice on Sunday.

I just don’t know what can be done to make Orlando Bloom fun to watch. But dang it if I’m not gonna try and figure it out. This is the year of saying “yes”, and I am saying “yes” to making Orlando Bloom not bland! This is my pledge for America!

Below, please find my first attempt at changing an Orlando Bloom picture into something worth looking at. I hope you find it, and him, interesting.

The combined forces of Bo, Chuck, Darkwing, Baloo, MJ, McClane, the Smiths, Veronica, Taz, the Falcon, the home of the Double Double, and Nachos Grande nearly does the trick! We’re gonna make this boy awesome, yet!

Yes we can! Exclamation points!!!

Bangarang!