Matthew McConaughey is a Dad.   Hide the weed.

Well alright, alright, alright!

It’s a boy. Jager bombs for everyone!

Let’s do this Daddy thang! My own little Mini-McConaughey… wow. My stokage level is set to “awesome” and my inner chi is rocked for crazy trimana! Time for Papa Matty to work out his Fatherhood muscle. On the beach. Shirtless. With Lance Armstrong spotting me. You know it!

To think I conceived this child almost 170, 000 sit-ups ago. Man, time flies when you’re baked by so many things. The sun. Weed. Frito-Lays.

Frito-Lays are a miracle sent from God. Just like my baby.

I hope my baby is as tasty as Sour Cream and Onion.

God bless evolution.

Gotta start t-h-i-n-k-i-n about the future. Gotta make a life for my bounty. Can’t keep taking risks. Gotta purge my life of all the things that are harmful.

- No more runs with Jakey G; bro has an infatuation, and that can lead to trouble.

- Sell the bongos.

- Less Meh-he-ko.

- Consider sleeves.

Wow.

This parentin’ thang truly is about sacrifice.

OK… I can scale it back. I’ll only do 300 push ups, bike fourteen miles and pound three Corona’s today. Down from my usual 500/50/15. This Daddy thing is no problemo, kimosabi!

Man, these Levi‘s are comfy. Well… time to go name my boy!

Bangarang!

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About Jason Matthews

Jason Matthews is the head writer for TheJay.com. The site has been nominated for two Weblog Awards (Best Culture Blog, 2006 & 2007), and has been featured on more than 100 websites, including the IMDB, Defamer, College Humor, USA Today’s Pop Candy (Written by Whitney Matheson), Entertainment Weekly’s PopWatch, BestWeekEver.tv, Gorilla Mask and eBaum’s World. Jason is also an accomplished playwright. He is currently the Writer-in-Residence at the Ruskin Group Theatre, where through their showcase “Café Plays”, he has written and produced forty-five one-act plays, and premiered his full-length debut comedy ‘Four Night Stand’ to a sold out six-week run in Spring 2010. In addition to his work online and in theatre, Jason was the host of PopLoad on NowLive.com from January – May 2007, and was the Editor-in-Chief of the popular Santa Barbara-based arts magazine CampusPOINT from June 2000 – June 2002. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Film Studies from UC Santa Barbara, and an intense love for Ben Affleck and Keanu Reeves. Find Jason Matthews on Twitter @ www.Twitter.com/jasonamatthews
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4 Responses to

  1. Wormbrain says:

    Dunno if you’ve seen this but..
    Three Matthew McConaugheys and A Baby

    Made me LOL.

  2. Mary says:

    Jay…i miss your snarky blogs. Blog soon, please!

  3. corky says:

    LOL! Funny stuff. I’ve been reading through your blog and I really enjoyed the piece you wrote about Shatner.

  4. crackpot says:

    …looks like a stallone double in this pic.

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