Reese Witherspoon Has Some Competition For Her Man

Jakey Poo Likes His Horsies.

WOOOHOOOO!!!

FUCKIN WOOOOOO, BAAAAAYBEEEEE!

I feel like such a MAN right now! Like I could wear socks with my sandals and nobody would give me shit. Cause if they did, I’d cut them with my man-sword.

I wonder if I can get this hat in beige?

Riding this hard, tough, hot stallion is the best! It’s a good thing Reese is tighter than a five pound kettle drum, or I’d be having second, third and foursies thoughts about Zoo-ing up this bitch!

My crotch feels electric pinned against this leather saddle. Like climbing the rope in gym class, but multipled by a factor of rainbows. Oh boy, this must be what being a Power Top feels like!

I love running my hands through mah steed’s lush mane. It reminds me of that one night Matty McCons was on the right side of the bi-line and I bongoed my own little Brokeback sequel… nah what I mean, brah? Hand spit, like a mofo! (R.I.P. Heath!)

That reminds me… I should have my agent set up lunch with Owen Wilson. I would definitely be WOOOING if I got to ride The Butterscotch Stallion. That Butterscotch Stallion is so hot right now. Butterscotch Stallion.

Neeeeigh!

This must be what Matthew Broderick feels like every night!

Bangarang!

About Jason Matthews

Jason Matthews is the head writer for TheJay.com. The site has been nominated for two Weblog Awards (Best Culture Blog, 2006 & 2007), and has been featured on more than 100 websites, including the IMDB, Defamer, College Humor, USA Today’s Pop Candy (Written by Whitney Matheson), Entertainment Weekly’s PopWatch, BestWeekEver.tv, Gorilla Mask and eBaum’s World. Jason is also an accomplished playwright. He is currently the Writer-in-Residence at the Ruskin Group Theatre, where through their showcase “Café Plays”, he has written and produced forty-five one-act plays, and premiered his full-length debut comedy ‘Four Night Stand’ to a sold out six-week run in Spring 2010. In addition to his work online and in theatre, Jason was the host of PopLoad on NowLive.com from January – May 2007, and was the Editor-in-Chief of the popular Santa Barbara-based arts magazine CampusPOINT from June 2000 – June 2002. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Film Studies from UC Santa Barbara, and an intense love for Ben Affleck and Keanu Reeves. Find Jason Matthews on Twitter @ www.Twitter.com/jasonamatthews
This entry was posted in Bad Celebrity Pictures, Celebrity, Jake Gyllenhaal, Reese Witherspoon. Bookmark the permalink.

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