Religious Conversions Caused By Celebrities

I'm still planning on stealing Suri.Celebrities are always being credited, or should I say blamed, with starting trends. Jennifer Beals caused a nation of woman to massacre their sweaters, Woody Harrelson made white guys think they could hoop, George Clooney is responsible for the raft of Caesar haircuts that lamed across America back in the 90′s, and so on and so forth. What they do and think, we want to do and think. And usually, it’s pretty harmless. And then sometimes, Sarah Michelle Gellar is involved, and things get… ugly

According to a recent British study, SMG’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer is being cited as a catalyst for 50,000 women converting to Paganism. 50,000! Because of SMG and a wooden stick! I mean, I get that David Boreanaz proves there is no God, and Eliza Dushku proves there are angels living amongst us, but paganism? Where did they get that bullshit? Because it’s a show about female empowerment, women of the world start believing in Wicca? Uh… hu-what? Neve Campbell and a Smiths song couldn’t pull off that trick, but for some reason SMG, her jacked up nose and a few witty bon mots about vampires pulls it off?

Whatever boats your float, I guess.

But ANYway… that’s not what this post is about. A celebrity has caused 50,000 people to convert to a nonsense religion. If that isn’t a cause for an old school list post, I don’t know what is. So, without further ado, because Sarah Michelle Gellar doesn’t deserve any more bandwidth, and really she has her own problems, what with not being able to open a Direct-to-DVD movie, her husband becoming a writer for the WWE of all places, and you know, nobody actually liking her, I present to you “Other Religious Conversions Caused By Celebrities”.

List time!

- Lindsay Lohan converted 8,000 confused teenage girls in into Fauxmosexuals.

- Kirsten Dunst is responsible for the mass conversion to Dentalism.

- Tom Cruise converted the nation, minus 70k or so, to ANY OTHER religion but Scientology.

- SJP has converted 32 unfortunate souls to Horsefaceism. Amanda Peet has not been the same since.

- Angelina Jolie converted Brad Pitt into a wet blanket.

- Matthew McConaughey is going door to door, personally banging the doctrine’s of Alright-ianity into every above average female in Southern California. And yes, this holy ceremony is done shirtless. Brewski’s are also involved.

- Michael Phelps has converted exactly no one into “You-can’t-swim-as-fast-as-me-ism”, cause seriously, no one can swim as fast as him. One time, at the downtown Y, he lapped God. True story.

- Matthew Broderick has been trying to convert people away from religion. He doesn’t believe in “isms”. He thinks people should believe in themselves. But then, he married SJP, so what the eff does Ferris know, anyway?

- Natalie Portman probably converted a whole bunch of dudes to Judaism. I don’t have a joke here, I just imagine that’s the only way for her goyim fanbase to potentially snag her. That, and being a dirty hippie who makes bad music. She loves those douchebags.

- Mel Gibson converted a whole many people into Catholics. Then, later, a whole lot more into anti-Mel Gibson-ites.

- Michael Bay bows down to the God of Explosions. And since Megan Fox is one his congregants, this might be a viable alternative for me if this whole Judaism thing doesn’t work out.

- And of course, Shia LaBeouf converted himself from nice, upstanding young boy to the religion of Drunken LIARS! …oh SHIA!


About Jason Matthews

Jason Matthews is the head writer for The site has been nominated for two Weblog Awards (Best Culture Blog, 2006 & 2007), and has been featured on more than 100 websites, including the IMDB, Defamer, College Humor, USA Today’s Pop Candy (Written by Whitney Matheson), Entertainment Weekly’s PopWatch,, Gorilla Mask and eBaum’s World. Jason is also an accomplished playwright. He is currently the Writer-in-Residence at the Ruskin Group Theatre, where through their showcase “Café Plays”, he has written and produced forty-five one-act plays, and premiered his full-length debut comedy ‘Four Night Stand’ to a sold out six-week run in Spring 2010. In addition to his work online and in theatre, Jason was the host of PopLoad on from January – May 2007, and was the Editor-in-Chief of the popular Santa Barbara-based arts magazine CampusPOINT from June 2000 – June 2002. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Film Studies from UC Santa Barbara, and an intense love for Ben Affleck and Keanu Reeves. Find Jason Matthews on Twitter @
This entry was posted in Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Celebrity, Matthew McConaughey, Mel Gibson, Reese Witherspoon, Sarah Jessica Parker, Shia LaBeouf, Tom Cruise. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Religious Conversions Caused By Celebrities

  1. Kojiro says:

    Is it really anymore of a nonsense religion than any other religion?

    Admittedly, I’d sign up to be Jewish if it meant a chance at tapping Natalie Portman.

    “We love you Natalie!
    I wanna f*ck you, too!”

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