The Jay Drops Some Truth On The Book Of Lies

There comes a time in every successful blogger’s career, and by “successful” I mean more than just your MySpace Top 8 (though oddly not your significant other) reads your posts, when advertisers and PR Firms start knocking on your RSS Feed. Post about this, blog about that, they ask. We’ll send you a free copy of our lame ass product, they exclaim! For the shwag obsessed online writer, it’s a dream come true. For a humor blogger who cares only about snarkily commenting on the douchebaggery of the Hollywood A through C List, the situation can be less alluring.

In the nearly three years this site has been live, I have received countless requests to blog about various products, from TV shows to CD’s, from webseries to theater companies to window treatments (yeah, that happened). Ninety percent of the time, I say no. This site is not about advertising. I make a fine living in my day job; I do this for fun. And I like to believe that my readers appreciate that they when they come to TheJay.com they aren’t bombarded by pop up ads and fake bluster about bullshit. Don’t people realize this site is about entertainment humor? That maybe 1 in 20 posts have any real news or gossip in them?

If I wanted to be a corporate shill, I’d dye my hair fuchsia, gain 70 pounds, call myself Perez Hilton and start fellating everything in sight.

That being said, there are occasions when I am approached to write about something I actually like. And that’s when the rules change.

You might be surprised to learn that I actually read books. Sometimes even ones that aren’t adapted into major motion pictures. I try to get through 25-30 books a year. My genre of choice is detective fiction, but like my Netflix queue, a wiiiiiide variety of material, from classics to pure trash, makes its way to my bathroom rack (where I do all my reading). Everything from Malcolm Gladwell to Stephanie Meyers. I tend to re-read a Bret Easton Ellis novel once or twice a year, same goes for Harry Potter, Robert Crais’ Elvis Cole series and when I’m feeling particularly snobbish, a Chuck Klosterman essay book.

(While I’m on the subject: David Sedaris needs to get over himself, Chuck Palahnuik needs to lighten up, Mark Haddon needs to get back to what works, Dave Eggers has lost his fool mind, Nick Hornby needs to break up with John Cusack already and Douglas Copeland is alright by me.)

So what does this all have to do with my rant against free blogosphere publicity? Let me tell you… A few days ago I was contacted by a rep from Little, Brown Co., inquiring about the possibility of me posting about a new novel of theirs, called “The Book Of Lies”. I, being a man of my word, told them that unless it was written by a cast member of Gossip Girl, or sponsored by Simon Cowell, I wasn’t interested. They told me they just wanted me to run their book trailer. I was slightly amused by the video; it stars a slew of geeky TV showrunners trying their damndest to look cool, and failing miserably. But though as much as I enjoy watching Damn Lindelof fumble around and fuck things up, I passed. Then they said I could make fun of the thing. And then I said “suh-wheat”. Cause I never pass up a chance to get a free book AND make fun of something.

So take a watch of the trailer and then meet me after for a rib session.

My thoughts on the trailer:

• This may be a product of my ‘TV as God’ upbringing, but whenever anyone mentions Cain and Abel I immediately think of the horrendously good/bad football movie The Program, where 80’s burnout Craig Sheffer plays Joe Cain, Heisman trophy candidate and banger of the Kristy Swanson as bruny heffer era. The slogan used for Craig to win the Heisman was “Cain is Able”. That’s some good writing right there.

• Man, Joss Whedon is trying waaaaaay too hard. Maybe he should be putting more effort into making Dollhouse watchable. A naked Eliza Dushku only gets you so far. Just ask The New Guy.

• I’m not at all shocked that LOST creator Damn Lindelof is a part of an entertainment product that revolves around a mysterious conspiracy that plays with time. Let’s hope the book doesn’t have a hatch in it, or there will be fourteen chapters where nothing happens and then Locke will become a wuss and Michelle Rodriguez will get a DUI.

• Superman being created out of tragedy is poignant, but not original. Plenty of iconic pop culture emerged from darkness. Take Garden State, for example. Zach Braff came up with that movie after he tried on a cardigan from Urban Outfitters that was one size too small, while Dashboard Confessional played over the store speakers. It was heartwrenching.

• Brian K. Vaughn is fucking awesome. I will check out anything the author of Y: The Last Man recommends. Let’s hope for his sake that Shia LaBeouf stays away from trucks and stoplights for the next 18 months, because he’s too perfect casting for the Yorick role. And playing Yorick requires all ten digits. And no fear of monkeys. But since Shia already worked with George Lucas, that shouldn’t be a problem.

• The book is actually kinda fantastic. Like a Dan Brown thriller, except Jesus is played by Superman and the chapters aren’t four pages long. Also, everyone has better hair than Tom Hanks. If you have the means, I highly recommend checking it out. Click HERE for all you need to know about the book.

OK, the whoring is complete, and I only feel semi-dirty. Like I just sat through Sweet Home Alabama and only had to throw up once. We will now return to our regularly scheduled posts about celebrity shenanigans.

Bangarang!