You’re enjoying your wizarding day, every spell is going your way, then along comes Harry Partypooper!
Always there to tell you about someone else who’s died, a duel that went bad or a muggle who got fried!
You’ll beg him to Avada Kedavra you, Harry please! But you can’t stop Harry Partypooper!
The Gryffindor House sits around their table in the Great Hall, celebrating their big win in the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff.
RON: Blimey, that was a ripping win!
NEVILLE: Gryffindor pride!
HERMIONE: Ron, if you were as good at Potions as you are on a broom, you wouldn’t have to copy my scrolls so often.
RON: Yeah, but I wouldn’t be nearly as fun!
GINNY: And we wouldn’t have crushed those Hufflepuff dorks!
HARRY: Actually Ron, with your skin tone and red hair, if you spent less time in the pitch your chances for contracting a malignant melanoma would decrease by 40%.
WAH WAAAAAAH!
RON: This is gonna be a great weekend! We get to go to Hogsmeade!
HERMIONE: I’m going to buy books!
GINNY: I’m gonna sneak into Hog’s Head and drink Butter Beer.
HARRY: Butter Beer is the leading cause of broom flying deaths in the wizarding world. Fatalities are up tenfold.
WAH WAAAAAAH!
NEVILLE: I can’t wait for this term to be over. I’m really looking forward to spending the Holidays with my Grandmum.
HARRY: I’d be looking forward to spending the holidays with parents, but they’re dead.
WAH WAAAAAAH!
RON: Yeah Harry, we know.
HARRY: Voldemort killed them and now I stay with the Dursleys who starve me and make me sleep in a cupboard. Merry Christmas to the boy who lived.
WAH WAAAAAAH!
HERMIONE: That really sucks, Harry. But WE KNOW! We’re trying to celebrate our youth.
HARRY: Just found out Voldemort is trying to kill me again. You know what means: any one of you could die this time.
WAH WAAAAAAH!
HARRY: And those dementors. They’re a real picnic.
WAH WAAAAAAH!
/Jimmy Fallon starts laughing in the corner. Horatio Sanz is next.
FRED: This is really bumming me out. Let’s all go down to Hagrid’s and see if he’ll let us ride a Hippogriff.
GEORGE: Hippogriffs are wicked!
HARRY: They’re also are on the endangered species list with no hope of ever getting off.
WAH WAAAAAAH!
GINNY: You know who is also on the endangered species list? The Hufflepuff Quidditch Team!
RON: And next week Slytherin will join them!
ALL: Gryffindor! Gryffindor! Gryffindor!
HARRY: White beard.
HERMIONE: What was that Harry?
HARRY: Oh, just thinking about the time I watched Dumbledore get murdered in front of me.
WAH WAAAAAAH!
RON: That’s it! Harry you are such a bummer! All you ever do is moan about your life and how bad it is. Well, you know what? We’re sick and tired of all your drama.
HARRY: You know what else is sick and tired? Kids in Africa with malaria.
WAH WAAAAAAH!
HERMIONE: C’mon guys, let’s get out of here. We can go down to the lake and practice dueling.
HARRY: Yeah, you guys go ahead. I’ll stay here and think about Sirius being dead. And how Cedric Diggory died because of me. And feline warlock AIDS.
WAH WAAAAAAH!
Bangarang!
OMG…you should be in casting. For the life of me, I can’t remember that gal’s name. SNL, right? Really, you SHOULD be in casting.
Um…duhhhh…that’s what you do (casting) among other things. Anyway, our boys (Harry Potter fans, of course) enjoyed this. The dry humor was appreciated.