Welcome to another edition of HAND OR PAW!!!
I am your host The Jay!
Welcome to “Hand or Paw” the game where we show you an appendage and you decide if it’s a celebrity hand or an animal paw.
With me as always is my intimidating co-host: Harrison Ford’s Finger Point of Doom. How you doing Harrison Ford’s Finger Point of Doom?
How DARE you, sir!
Uh… OK! That’s our Harrison Ford’s Finger Point of Doom, always giving our show inspiration and motivation.
Without further ado… Let’s start today’s game!
Today’s game feature’s two rounds and one bonus round. Remember, I will show you a picture of an appendage and you tell me if it is the hand of a celebrity or the paw of an animal!
Are you ready?
Here is your first appendage:
There’s the image. Now…
If you guessed “PAW”, you are CORRECT:
That is the paw-like appendage of newly crowned Indie Queen Kat Dennings. When she’s not running around New York City and falling in love with George Michael Bluth, Kat Deeley can be found in various rivers and streams grabbing salmon right out of the water. We also hear she’s in preliminary talks to do be the CGI model for Baloo in a remake of The Jungle Book.
Harrison Ford’s Finger Point of Doom, what did you think of that round:
You find that man! You FIND THAT MAN!
It’s time for Round Two, where all the points are worthy double!
Here is your Round Two appendage:
This is a hard one. I’ll give you a few more minutes to come up with an answer. Is it the preternaturally large hand of a rotund comedian? Could it be the hairless paw of a giant dog? Or maybe it’s Cameron Diaz? Who knows?
Time to find out. We showed you an appendage, and we asked you: HAND or PAW?
If you said… “PAW”… you are INCORRECT! It’s actually a HAAAAAND!!!
Show them that hand:
That’s right, it’s the hand of former fictional hand model George Costanza. That was a tricky one.
Harrison Ford’s Finger Point of Doom, did you know that was a hand?
GET OFF MY PLANE!
Not really on your plane there, HFFPoD. You’re actually on MY game show. But that’s OK. You’re still the best. You still excite the contestants and scare the audience. Your righteous first digit commands respect, and I am only too happy to give it.
What do you say we go straight to the BONUS ROUND?
In the Bonus Round we give you a TRULY difficult “Hand or Paw” question, and give everyone out there a chance to steal the game. We’re throwing out the points and making this question worth the whole game. Are you ready? Yes?
Then let’s play HAND or PAW!!!
Your Bonus Round appendage, for all the marbles:
As always, we’re looking for you to decide if it’s a
Do do do do, dododo, do do do do DO, dododododo, do do do do, do do DO! DO DO!
OK contestants, we’ve had a remarkable game so far. An actual bear paw on a celebrity. A hand on what could be a human animal. And now this mysterious appendage. I’ll be honest, even I don’t know the answer to this one. I’m going to read the card and be just as surprised by you.
It’s time for the moment of truth! The Bonus Round answer of HAND OR PAW! And the appendage is…
OH MY GOD! It’s a trick question! It’s neither a hand or a paw, but instead, the gnarled witch claw of noted celebrity vampire Kirsten Dunst!
An AMAZING twist!
Gotta stay on your toes when you play this game. Harrison Ford’s Finger Point of Doom, did you have ANY idea that was really the gnarled witch hand of noted celebrity vampire Kirsten Dunst?
THAT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!
So do you! And thank you again for ignoring my question. …jeez, maybe we should replace you with Nicolas Cage’s Maimed Wood Hand from Moonstruck. He’s just as annoying, but at least he can carry on a conversation.
This has been an AMAZING show. Surprises at every turn. We hope you’ve enjoyed it. So for Harrison Ford’s Finger Point of Doom, I’m your host, The Jay, saying if it’s not a hand or paw, it’s an entirely different game.
See you next time on HAND OR PAW!!!