The Scariest Thing You Will See on Halloween

If you look directly at it, your face will melt.

If you stare at it for ten seconds a ring will appear. You now have seven days to live.

If you see it in a Haunted House, it’s already too late.

If you say her name five times, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde will suddenly appear on all your cable movie channels.

If you are frightened, watch a Nightmare on Elm Street movie, it’ll calm you down. Freddy Krueger is Mary Poppins in comparison.

If you think it’s cute, never read this site again.

Happy Halloween, kids.

PS: This is the second scariest:

I weep for Josh(ua) Kelley. (But not so much for Jake Gyllenhaal. He brought that shit on himself.)


About Jason Matthews

Jason Matthews is the head writer for The site has been nominated for two Weblog Awards (Best Culture Blog, 2006 & 2007), and has been featured on more than 100 websites, including the IMDB, Defamer, College Humor, USA Today’s Pop Candy (Written by Whitney Matheson), Entertainment Weekly’s PopWatch,, Gorilla Mask and eBaum’s World. Jason is also an accomplished playwright. He is currently the Writer-in-Residence at the Ruskin Group Theatre, where through their showcase “Café Plays”, he has written and produced forty-five one-act plays, and premiered his full-length debut comedy ‘Four Night Stand’ to a sold out six-week run in Spring 2010. In addition to his work online and in theatre, Jason was the host of PopLoad on from January – May 2007, and was the Editor-in-Chief of the popular Santa Barbara-based arts magazine CampusPOINT from June 2000 – June 2002. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Film Studies from UC Santa Barbara, and an intense love for Ben Affleck and Keanu Reeves. Find Jason Matthews on Twitter @
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2 Responses to The Scariest Thing You Will See on Halloween

  1. viola says:

    Heh…Reese Witherspoon with Jack Nicholson eyebrows. Wicked.

  2. viola says:

    I take that back, her whole face is totally Jack Nicholson. Redrum here we come.

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