If you were so inclined…

10. “Hey Kiki, heard you’ve been feeling kinda ‘low’ lately. It’s good to see you looking so high.”

9. “Excuse me, Ms. Dunst? Hi, yes, I happen to have an entirely extra bag of Double Stuff Oreo’s. Would you like one?”

8. “Know who I hate? That Mac Guy.

7. “Sniff sniff, baby.”

6. “Know what’s really in right know? Boobs that look like flapjacks.”

5. “Heeey, weren’t you in Jumanji”?

4. “With your classic beauty, you could guest star on Mad Men!”

3. “I sell pot.”

2. “Your rehab is working way better than Lindsay’s. WAY better.”

1. “Nice teeth, wanna fuck?”

Bangarang!

(Follow me on Twitter @jasonamatthews)

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 181 user reviews.

About Jason Matthews

Jason Matthews is the head writer for TheJay.com. The site has been nominated for two Weblog Awards (Best Culture Blog, 2006 & 2007), and has been featured on more than 100 websites, including the IMDB, Defamer, College Humor, USA Today’s Pop Candy (Written by Whitney Matheson), Entertainment Weekly’s PopWatch, BestWeekEver.tv, Gorilla Mask and eBaum’s World. Jason is also an accomplished playwright. He is currently the Writer-in-Residence at the Ruskin Group Theatre, where through their showcase “Café Plays”, he has written and produced forty-five one-act plays, and premiered his full-length debut comedy ‘Four Night Stand’ to a sold out six-week run in Spring 2010. In addition to his work online and in theatre, Jason was the host of PopLoad on NowLive.com from January – May 2007, and was the Editor-in-Chief of the popular Santa Barbara-based arts magazine CampusPOINT from June 2000 – June 2002. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Film Studies from UC Santa Barbara, and an intense love for Ben Affleck and Keanu Reeves. Find Jason Matthews on Twitter @ www.Twitter.com/jasonamatthews
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