Happy New Keanu Reeves Movie Day!

I'm definitely seeing this movie.

Today is one of those very special days that only come once, maybe twice a year (if he happens to do a cameo in some middling Indie dreck, cough Thumbsucker cough): the day a new Keanu Reeves movie opens! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, critics are sharpening their swords and devotees like myself are smiling wide, ear-to-ear, as their favorite cinema star offers his latest piece of cinematic perfection.

So many fantastic questions to consider on this day of days:

- Will he say “whoa” in the movie? And if so, will it be non-ironic?

- Will his co-stars have that douchebaggy “I can’t believe I’m acting opposite Keanu Reeves, what has come of my career” look in their eyes (P.S.: Get fucked, John Corbett. At least Keanu never debased himself with Sarah Jessica Parkhorse.)?

- Will the film be an unparalleled triumph at the box office, thereby reinforcing my argument that the popular success of Keanu Reeves is a clear indication of his talent and staying power?

The opening of The Day The Earth Stood Still is especially delicious, as it marks Keanu’s return to Sci-Fi, a genre he practically owns (Matrix Revolutions gets better every time I force myself to sit through it). After schmooping with Sandy Bullock and trying to be a stiffer Kurt Russell in Street Kings, Keanu finally gives us the him we LIKE to watch: reciting portentous dialogue to high-caliber actors whilst CGI effects envelop the screen and a pretty bruny unexpectedly falls in love with him.

Also: Jon Hamm and Kyle Chandler co-star! Don Draper, Coach Taylor AND Keanu in the SAME movie? They’re gonna put up a clinic on manliness, and their skills are $12 ($10 for matinee).

I swear, if Jon Hamm even considers looking off into the middle distance and explaining the importance of extraterrestrial life through subtle reference to his crumbling marriage to an icy blonde with a tenuous grip on her sanity, and I mean even just ONCE, I will lose it. Or try to impregnate every girl named Peggy within an eight-mile radius.

And let’s not even start on the possibility that Kyle Chandler quietly judges Keanu with his eyes.

All this and we haven’t even begun to discuss Jennifer Connelly’s eyebrows yet. Man alive, there is so much to enjoy about New Keanu Reeves Movie Day! I’m putting a ring on this day, BELIEVE THAT.

Let’s enjoy New Keanu Reeves Movie Day by watching a super long clip of the movie and our man:

And Keanu promoting the movie on Letterman:

And, just for funsies, let’s play my world famous “Which Keanu Reeves Character Are You” quiz:

View this quiz on Quibblo
More quizzes on Quibblo

I wish every day could be New Keanu Reeves Movie Day. At the risk of sounding super cheesy, I hope this day… stands still. (Fail)

Bangarang, New Keanu Reeves Movie Day!

About Jason Matthews

Jason Matthews is the head writer for TheJay.com. The site has been nominated for two Weblog Awards (Best Culture Blog, 2006 & 2007), and has been featured on more than 100 websites, including the IMDB, Defamer, College Humor, USA Today’s Pop Candy (Written by Whitney Matheson), Entertainment Weekly’s PopWatch, BestWeekEver.tv, Gorilla Mask and eBaum’s World. Jason is also an accomplished playwright. He is currently the Writer-in-Residence at the Ruskin Group Theatre, where through their showcase “Café Plays”, he has written and produced forty-five one-act plays, and premiered his full-length debut comedy ‘Four Night Stand’ to a sold out six-week run in Spring 2010. In addition to his work online and in theatre, Jason was the host of PopLoad on NowLive.com from January – May 2007, and was the Editor-in-Chief of the popular Santa Barbara-based arts magazine CampusPOINT from June 2000 – June 2002. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Film Studies from UC Santa Barbara, and an intense love for Ben Affleck and Keanu Reeves. Find Jason Matthews on Twitter @ www.Twitter.com/jasonamatthews
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8 Responses to Happy New Keanu Reeves Movie Day!

  1. Viola says:

    Yay! Celebrating with you! Only $7 here for matinee. Ahem…missed the lessons on manliness, but am quite certain I didn’t need them. You know, I yearn to play chess and ping-pong with Keanu Reeves. Hop in the sack? Roll in the hay? Nah…just chess and ping-pong, and maybe a ride on the back of his bike. Anyway, there’s still time, isn’t there? ;o)

  2. Jordan says:

    I just saw it today, Jay. It was very good. It kept me on the edge of my seat; very intense. The only thing I was disappointed with was the ending but still overall is was well worth seeing. If you like intensity buildup and cool special effects, you’ll enjoy this movie. It’s not all action, but it still moves along well and the intensity and suspense keeps your eyes glued to the screen. And I have to say Keanu might not be the best actor, but he does have screen presence and he’s cool. He’s at his best in sci-fi movies so he should just stick to that genre and give up the boring romance movies. I am even considering seeing it again next week.

  3. yen75 says:

    I saw it on Friday. It was cool and awesome. Keanu nailed it and that Jaden kid is so annoying. And I loved GORT.

  4. Jimbo says:

    Canoe practically owns sci-fi?! Wow. That’s like saying I own a black person. Not only is it absolutely false, but if it WAS true, it’d be an abomination.

    “The Day the Earth Stood Still” is a classic. Kaynonnynonny as Klatuu? That’s like Rob Schneider as “Citizen Bigalow: Male Media Mogul.”

  5. PrimaDonna says:

    So Jay, what did you think of the movie yourself? I though you’d have a review up already? Were you disappointed in it? I saw it and liked it although I too was let down by the ending. It’s a good popcorn movie but they should have made a more meaningful ending in my opinion.

  6. Jo Baby says:

    Hey Jay;

    I’m back and I’m giving you another go. You always suck me back in with a Keanu bit… so I bit.

    Nice layout – get a new decorator?

  7. anonymous says:

    Great sci fi movie? Give me a break. This remake is absolute rubbish from start to finish. I can’t make sense of the plot – if you don’t save your planet we’ll wipe you out. Gort changing into a dust of robotic insects destroying everything is ridiculous. After 45 minutes, I lost interest in the movie. Why does Keanu pick turkeys or boring movies ? He is more wooden than ever. As expressive as a concrete wall. I wondered which one is the robot? Gort or Keanu? I like him but I wish he was more fun to watch. He is beautiful and charming but he looks too serious. I am surprised that he is one of the most unscrutable actors ever to have made it big in the movie business.

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