“MAAAAN, whadoes this pale chick think she know about the MOVIES? I bet she’s got stuff like The Lake House on her Netflix list. MAAAAN, that ain’t no way to watch KEANU! Is he holding guns? Is he doing some slo-mo shit? Or is he bein all mooshy with the Speed chick? My point exactly. Better put some EARS on it!
Yeah, I know about this girl. I saw that Get Smart flick. Buncha dorks trying to be cool but just getting in the way of The Rock doing his thing! They shoulda let him drop an elbow, or raise his eyebrows or some such something. All that dorky spy stuff and not elbow drop from the top ring? Kinda movie is that, ANYWAY? She looked pretty fine in that dancing scene, though. Wish she was wearing that dress now…
But nah, she’s wearing some goofy shirt, cause she disappoints. Oscar buzz for Rachel Getting Married? Fa real? Just because Princess Diaries gets a bad dye job, drops some F-bombs and acts like a crackhead don’t make her no Meryl Streep. …What? Think I don’t who Meryl Streep is, cause I’m an eight year-old black kid? It’s called Lemony Snicket and it was GREAT! Better put some EYES on it! …Her performance in The Hours was also quite deeply felt.
MAAAAN, why I gotta wear this hat if she isn’t? Her straight hair so important? That’s some ego right there. Can’t bring that ego round these parts, son! She don’t know it, but I threw some boogers on the neck of that apron. She gonna get SOME surprise later. That‘s what she gets for making Hoodwinked. I mean, c’mon, that supposed to be clever? That supposed to ingratiate her to me and mine? …Yeah, that’s right, dig on that sixth grade word. It’s called an EDUCATION, people! I can dunk a ball, too. You rather see me do that? Ya’ll ignorant. Go watch Finding Forrester and LEARN something!
“Hoodwinked“. Jesus. Is that title some kinda joke at my people’s expense? Well who’s laughing now, huh? OBAMA! That’s who!
MAAAAN, I’m over this girl’s movies.
…Bride Wars looks pretty funny, though.”