12 Word Summaries of the American Idol Season Eight Group 1 – Top 12

idol-logoI’m holding off on the TiVo Multi-Bloop Scale until the Top 12, when I can actually tell this bus full of kids apart. For now, we’re going with quick summaries. Why? Cause I need to spend the rest of my day figuring out the fuzzy logic that sends three non-gender-specific contestants from each group into the finals and three into a Wild Card but somehow magically still ends up with six guys and six girls in the Finals. The strings on the Idol puppet are heavy this year.

Real quick before we begin, a word on each judge:

Randy: Should never wear scarves. Ever. On his person. Ever. Again.

Kara: Should flirt with the lighting guys a bit more. They’re practically spotlighting her giant schnozz. But she gave good notes tonight.

Paula: Should always have bangs. On her person. Always.

Simon: Should remind the studio audience to STFU more often. Kara is just as bitchy as Simon, and in a far less commercially constructive way, so why is everyone always giving him hell? Haven’t they picked up over the last seven seasons that he’s ALWAYS right?

Anyway! Here we go…

GROUP 1 – Top 12

alexisgrace-ais8Jackie Tohn - Please never do that with your legs in those pants, again. Ever.

Rickey Braddy - Can a great voice triumph over bad fashion & zero charisma? For now.

Alexis Grace - When did Chloe from Smallville start belting out diva ballads? And well?

caseycarlson-ais8Brent Keith - Will be a successful country singer at some point. Just not here.

Stevie Wright - Who puts their big opportunity in Taylor Swift’s songwriting hands? Epic Fail.

Anoop - American just isn’t ready for a male Indian-American Idol. Who sings ballads.

dannygokeyCasey Carlson - I never expected my BOOF to be a good singer. Good thing…

Michael Sarver - Gavin DeGraw is a lay-up. Way to take a risk, guy!

Anne Marie Boskovich - Looked eight kinds of boofy, sang eight kinds of pitchy. Nice try.

Stephen Fowler - So forgettable & charisma-deficient I forget to put him in this post.

Tatiana Del Toro - I don’t care that some moments were good, she’s still Crazy McPsychopants.

Danny Gokey - As the current front-runner, shouldn’t he try to dress better? Or shave?

And the predictions…

TOP 3: Danny Gokey, Alexis Grace, Michael Sarver

WILD CARDS: Tatiana Del Toro, Rickey Braddy, Casey Carlson (BOOFiness alone got Haley Scarnato into the Top 9, it’ll keep Casey in the game for at least one more round)

About Jason Matthews

Jason Matthews is the head writer for TheJay.com. The site has been nominated for two Weblog Awards (Best Culture Blog, 2006 & 2007), and has been featured on more than 100 websites, including the IMDB, Defamer, College Humor, USA Today’s Pop Candy (Written by Whitney Matheson), Entertainment Weekly’s PopWatch, BestWeekEver.tv, Gorilla Mask and eBaum’s World. Jason is also an accomplished playwright. He is currently the Writer-in-Residence at the Ruskin Group Theatre, where through their showcase “Café Plays”, he has written and produced forty-five one-act plays, and premiered his full-length debut comedy ‘Four Night Stand’ to a sold out six-week run in Spring 2010. In addition to his work online and in theatre, Jason was the host of PopLoad on NowLive.com from January – May 2007, and was the Editor-in-Chief of the popular Santa Barbara-based arts magazine CampusPOINT from June 2000 – June 2002. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Film Studies from UC Santa Barbara, and an intense love for Ben Affleck and Keanu Reeves. Find Jason Matthews on Twitter @ www.Twitter.com/jasonamatthews
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4 Responses to 12 Word Summaries of the American Idol Season Eight Group 1 – Top 12

  1. juca says:

    Dude, you forgot Stephen Fowler!

  2. The Jay says:

    Fixed. Though the mistake is understandable, yes no?

  3. Alana says:

    Well said, very well said…..

  4. coffee says:

    the producers of American Idol are obviously singling out Danny Gokey as their favorite, but i would like to see him win so i don’t mind

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