I’m holding off on the TiVo Multi-Bloop Scale until the Top 12, when I can actually tell this bus full of kids apart. For now, we’re going with quick summaries. Why? Cause I need to spend the rest of my day figuring out the fuzzy logic that sends three non-gender-specific contestants from each group into the finals and three into a Wild Card but somehow magically still ends up with six guys and six girls in the Finals. The strings on the Idol puppet are heavy this year.
Real quick before we begin, a word on each judge:
Randy: Should never wear scarves. Ever. On his person. Ever. Again.
Kara: Should flirt with the lighting guys a bit more. They’re practically spotlighting her giant schnozz. But she gave good notes tonight.
Paula: Should always have bangs. On her person. Always.
Simon: Should remind the studio audience to STFU more often. Kara is just as bitchy as Simon, and in a far less commercially constructive way, so why is everyone always giving him hell? Haven’t they picked up over the last seven seasons that he’s ALWAYS right?
Anyway! Here we go…
GROUP 1 – Top 12
Jackie Tohn - Please never do that with your legs in those pants, again. Ever.
Rickey Braddy - Can a great voice triumph over bad fashion & zero charisma? For now.
Alexis Grace - When did Chloe from Smallville start belting out diva ballads? And well?
Brent Keith - Will be a successful country singer at some point. Just not here.
Stevie Wright - Who puts their big opportunity in Taylor Swift’s songwriting hands? Epic Fail.
Anoop - American just isn’t ready for a male Indian-American Idol. Who sings ballads.
Casey Carlson - I never expected my BOOF to be a good singer. Good thing…
Michael Sarver - Gavin DeGraw is a lay-up. Way to take a risk, guy!
Anne Marie Boskovich - Looked eight kinds of boofy, sang eight kinds of pitchy. Nice try.
Stephen Fowler - So forgettable & charisma-deficient I forget to put him in this post.
Tatiana Del Toro - I don’t care that some moments were good, she’s still Crazy McPsychopants.
Danny Gokey - As the current front-runner, shouldn’t he try to dress better? Or shave?
And the predictions…
TOP 3: Danny Gokey, Alexis Grace, Michael Sarver
WILD CARDS: Tatiana Del Toro, Rickey Braddy, Casey Carlson (BOOFiness alone got Haley Scarnato into the Top 9, it’ll keep Casey in the game for at least one more round)