12 Word Summaries of the American Idol Season Eight Group 2 – Top 12

idol-logoI’m holding off on the TiVo Multi-Bloop Scale until the Top 12, when I can actually tell this bus full of kids apart. For now, we’re going with quick summaries.

A quick word about the judges… were they all drunk? Or just really tired (in general or of each other, doesn’t matter)? Way too much bitchiness and disagreement and restless behavior tonight. Ryan kept twitching at the judges table, expecting a slapfight or gay joke from Simon, Kara and Paula were alternately mad dogging each other and orgasming over the grody Jonas Brother, Adam Lambert. And Randy found a way to have even less to say. I also didn’t like that Ryan was dressed in casual wear, and how shrimpy his short-sleeve button down made his guns look. Where’s your killer instinct, Rybo?

There’s a real lack of effort problem on the show this season. Hopefully the Top 12 round will make some bitches up.

Anyway! Here we go…

GROUP 2 – Top 12

matt-giraudJasmine Murray - In any other season she’d be a lock for the Top 12.

Matt Giraud - A shivering, shaking mess of pitchy douchebaggery. Doesn’t matter. He’s being groomed.

Jeanine Vailes - The homeless persons Leona Lewis. But with better legs… and less talent.

Nick Mitchell - Why are they letting him make such a mockery of the show?

Allison Iraheta - Hate the hair, hate the dangly star ring, but love the voice.

allisonirahetaKris Allen - Forgettable, with no shot for the Top 12. But I liked him.

Megan Joy Corkrey - Was it special needs? Yes, but it was ADORABLE, boofy special needs.

Matt Breitzke - Loved the song, bored the singer. We wasted a slot on him?

Jesse Langseth - Great body, great voice. But I’d rather have my special needs boof.

Kai Kalama - Boring boringness that bored me to boring. But I liked his name.

meganjoycorkreyMishavonna Henson - Total punim boof, but why did she sing that rancid Train song?

Adam Lambert - A bigger fake than Nick Mitchell. Except Lambert could actually win Idol.

And the predictions…

Top 3: Allison Iraheta, Adam Lambert, Matt Giraud

Wild Cards: Jasmine Murray, Megan Joy Corkrey, Kris Allen

About Jason Matthews

Jason Matthews is the head writer for TheJay.com. The site has been nominated for two Weblog Awards (Best Culture Blog, 2006 & 2007), and has been featured on more than 100 websites, including the IMDB, Defamer, College Humor, USA Today’s Pop Candy (Written by Whitney Matheson), Entertainment Weekly’s PopWatch, BestWeekEver.tv, Gorilla Mask and eBaum’s World. Jason is also an accomplished playwright. He is currently the Writer-in-Residence at the Ruskin Group Theatre, where through their showcase “Café Plays”, he has written and produced forty-five one-act plays, and premiered his full-length debut comedy ‘Four Night Stand’ to a sold out six-week run in Spring 2010. In addition to his work online and in theatre, Jason was the host of PopLoad on NowLive.com from January – May 2007, and was the Editor-in-Chief of the popular Santa Barbara-based arts magazine CampusPOINT from June 2000 – June 2002. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Film Studies from UC Santa Barbara, and an intense love for Ben Affleck and Keanu Reeves. Find Jason Matthews on Twitter @ www.Twitter.com/jasonamatthews
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2 Responses to 12 Word Summaries of the American Idol Season Eight Group 2 – Top 12

  1. juca says:

    I loved Normund Gentle.

  2. nat says:

    agree about matt breitzke (love the song, but he was BOR-ing) and jesse langseth — i’d keep her around just for the personality!

    i’d switch kris allen for matt giraud in your top 3… he’s adorable!

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