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i am shocked. SHOCKED! That Kenny Chesney and Renee “Bitch Face" Zellewegger are . What with them having dated for all of fourteen rmkw.ico seconds, getting hastily married on a private beach and then immediately sending a blind item out that they were having marital problems. I was so sure that this was one was gonna last a lifetime. Or at least for six or so months (which in the celebrity world is like FOREVER). But I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. In the end, this was merely a match made in publicist heaven. Not that I’m surprised. The odds on any celebrity marriage lasting are slim; and slimmer for an actor and a musician. And in this case, they’re even slimmer for a redneck country singer and an emaciated, squinty actress who hasn’t been [rmkw.ico] likable in a movie since 1996 (which is a whole other blog post). At this point, the whole idea of two celebrities claiming to be in love, or hooking up and popping out a badly named kid rmkw.ico, or pretending to be together when in reality Tom Cruise is gay, is so farcical that at this point I’m stunned that people still take it seriously. “Celebrity" has become much like Pro Wrestling in the 80’s and 90’s, with pre-written storylines. Celebrities change sides these days faster than Hulk Hogan. First we hate Angelina cause she’s an evil brother kissing, Billy Bob boning weirdo, and now she’s America’s freakiest sweetheart, what with her adopting all the foreign kids and dating the Iowa farmboy. I keep waiting for Brad to hit her over the head with a chair, turn coat and go back to Jen, with Pat O’Brien screaming in the background. And let’s not even get started on how Paris Hilton is becoming a good girl now. The fact is that celebrities are emotionally unstable. Put any two of them in a room for a period of time and they will eventually hook up. But once you take them out of the room, forget it, its combustion waiting to happen. Now, I’m not saying that Renee never loved Kenny, or that this was just a publicity stunt, or that Kenny never noticed that Renee has crazy bitch face going on, but I am saying the last thing. I’m mostly upset because the affair wasn’t handled better. Most celeb couples try for some unwarranted exposure, which is great for us because when they inevitably break up we get to shove pictures of Ashton and Brittany Murphy in Demi’s face. The absolute least Renee and Kenny could have done was show up in public together a few times. Get caught kissing on the beach by the paparazzi. Release a sex tape. Heck, anything. Even Britney’s Vegas wedding was handled more deftly than this fiasco. Her first one, I mean. Gosh, what a waste of a good In Touch Weekly Cover. My condolences to the unhappy couple and best of luck on their annulment. Bangarang, Failed Celebrity Marriage!