I’m gonna need you to get ahead and watch this video. IMMETES.
In continuing my recent “you might not know this about The Jay” Tour, I wanted to tell you that when I’m not online skewering celebrities and on my couch TiVo-blooping Idol flunkies, I have me a real world jobby job. And in [...]
Posts under ‘Celebritards’
Harper’s Globe: Episode 1 – “Fresh Start”
Grading the American Idol Season Eight Top 13 on the TiVo Multi-Bloop Scale
Oh, TiVo Multi-Bloop, how I missed you so! On those long audition rounds when I yearned for your sweet mercy. In Hollywood Week whilst enduring the aural torture that was Bikini Girl. During the Top 36 when I kept fighting the urge to grab you and Triple Bloop the bejeesus out of [...]
Translating Britney Spears’ VMA Awards Acceptance Speeches
Did you SEE? Did you see how good our girlfriend DID? She looked fantastic! She was funny and fierce and on point! Charming a rapidly unfunny Jonah Hill, opening the show like a pro, winning three awards and looking like a thousand million bucks doing it; showing all the wannabes how [...]
Post-Earthquake Celebrity Facebook Statuses
So LA shook from it’s 2% body fat hinges this morning. After checking on the things that matter most to me in this world: my family, my friends, my 52″ Samsung LCD HDTV, I did what any clear-headed post-quake Angeleno does when our fair city performs it’s occasional Tommy Lee Jones failed disaster flick [...]
My Blog Is Better Than Your Blog
Watch the video before you read on!
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My power is more powerful than your power.
My funny is funnier.
I’m Scrunchy Von Scrunch Scrunch
My whoa is better than your whoa.
L-I-V-I-N!
My manly is more manly than your manly.
My talent is funnsmartandgreat.
I’m already my prepping my next reality show.
My TV show is more confusing.
I’m hotter.
I’m more annoying.
Your Oscar speech isn’t [...]
Demi Moore’s Leeches and Other Bizarre Celebrity Beauty Regimen
Looking pretty in Hollywood isn’t hard to do. Every celebrity does the same things: eat right, exercise often, get their hair done by professionals, use make-up that matches, highlights and improves their skin, kill babies and suck their blood. It’s standard stuff. But STAYING pretty in Hollywood? Not an easy task. [...]
That’sfunnysmartandgreat! Five Things I Learned From the Britney HIMYM Episode
As predicted by me, Britney slam dunked her extended cameo on the alarmingly rapid decline of funny known as “How I Met Your Mother”. She was poised, professional and cleaned-up to the point of 1998 hotness. Every goal for the gimmick came through. The show got big ratings and was legit funny [...]
The Importance Of Being On The Same Page As Your Mate
What Tony Romo Is Thinking: No huddle, on the 30, defense in Cover 2, Coach calls the smash route, my progression is key corner, then hitch underneath. If the cornerback sinks back to stop the corner route, I throw the hitch; if he comes up for the hitch, I throw the corner. The corner route [...]
Testing the Accuracy of a Google Celebrity Image Search
As a entertainment blogger it’s important that I’m able to find just the right picture to go with a particular story. If I’m writing about, say, Tara Reid being a model citizen, as I do, and I type “Tara Reid Model Citizen” into the Google Image search, it’s imperative I find just the right [...]
Are You Gonna Be On Your Way?
Are you gonna be on your way?
I have a right lot of business to tether. I can not dither around here with you lot. It is imperative I make haste to my appointments. You and your queer fuck buddies are being an obstacle to me, and I find you to be quite [...]
