I’m rip roaring and raring to go on ‘0JAY8 like La Lohan on an extended weekend in Capri, so before a Celebritard does something so dissgrossting that I have to break my Lost Girls ban and dip into my bag of fake whore words to describe their actions (”whoreititude” being my current favs), let’s start [...]
Posts under ‘Bruce Willis’
Runner-Up Excuses For Not Winning People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” Award
So People Magazine has named Matt Damon 2007’s “Sexiest Man Alive”. Which I guess is a fine choice if you like pig-nosed frat boy looking dudes who happen to play bad ass amnesiac spies. I’m a fan of the guy (and it should probably be stated, completely straight), but let’s get real, he’s [...]
Ben Affleck Is NOT A Tool, And I Can Prove It!
This is the fourth definition listed in the Urban Dictionary under the term “tool”:
“A person, typically male, who says or does things that cause you to give them a ‘what-are-you-even-doing- here’ look. The ‘what-are-you-even-doing- here’ look is classified by a glare in the tool’s direction and is usually accompanied by muttering of how big of [...]
“Ride it, Lick it, Snort it, F-ck it!” And Other Celebrity Mottos
I love me a good motto. I love mottos even better when I can steal them from pop culture. Whether it’s Nicolas Cage’s “B.A.D. – Balls Attitude Direction” from Kiss of Death, “A.A. – Attitude Adjustment” from Rad, or my personal favorite “F.U.B.A.R.” from Tango and Cash, I like to yoink them all [...]
I Blame It All On Bruce Willis: Confessions of a Movie Line Waiter
(NOTE: This column was originally written in 2002, to commemorate the release of Star Wars Episode II – Attack of the Clones. In honor of the release of Live Free or Die Hard I am re-publishing it as a tribute to the man who started my love for waiting in line for movies. [...]
Yippe Kai Yay, Movie Posters!
It’s officially Spring, and you know what that means, the start of baseball season, a gradual increase in tabloids printing Lindsay Lohan bikini (starting from three per week and moving to eleventy-billion by late-July), Joe Francis giving some poor girl from Iowa a virulent strain of gonorrhea while on Spring Break, and most of all, [...]
New Die Hard 4 Poster Doesn’t Suck!
Well, this is MUCH better! Can we please get a petition going to save the “Die Hard 4.0″ title? Die Hard is one of my top five favorite action franchises, and I won’t allow so great a series to be devalued by so bad a sequel title as “Live Free or Die Hard”. [...]
