One year ago today I posted the first article on the re-launched TheJay.com (You can read that first post HERE). It’s been a wild twelve months; a ride that has seen its shares of highs (TheJay.com linked on the IMDB!) and it’s lows (Crash winning the Oscar comes to mind). I have made some great friends through the site (Craig Beilinson for one, who writes the best press junket reports on the net. Or the guys over at Matt Kreiger). I have made some fun enemies (basically any Orlando Bloom, Reese Witherspoon and Renee Zellweger fan). But mostly I’ve had a blast writing about entertainment, and an even greater pleasure of interacting with my readers. I don’t usually do personal posts because this is not that type of blog, but I thought today I’d take you behind the scenes of TheJay.com to show you what the year was like for me.

I launched with a completely different attitude, style and direction than I have today. At the time I was hoping to post 4-5 small posts per week, or about one a day. They were going to be more news-based, similar to the 5,000 other gossip sites that cover the latest La Lohan shenanigans (And while we’re on the subject, seriously Lindsay, put some underwear on. There hasn’t been a celebrity whose cootata we wanted to see less at this point.). So I’d cover the happenings of entertainment, but also intersperse non-time sensitive pieces about whatever I was passionate about that day. This all worked well and good for about a month, when I realized I didn’t have the time to write 1,000 words a day on topics that are being covered more thoroughly and with better pictures, elsewhere (egotastic, defamer and the superficial come to mind). So over the course of the next few months I slowly moved the site to being less news-oriented and more feature-based. I liked the topics more, I had more time to devote to the individual pieces, and I felt like the site became more unique.

The problem was that my post count dropped dramatically. I went from writing 11 posts in September to writing just 5 in October and 7 in November. Over the last year I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that I will never be as prolific as other bloggers. I have too many other things going on in my life to pump out more than 8 posts a month. On the other hand, those eight posts average 2200 words each, so my content volume is probably the same as your average 25 post per month blog. Also, the topics I cover are fresher, and the pieces themselves are deeper in their examination. Basically, you get more by getting less. Unless this site starts paying for my entire life (which I doubt it ever will), you can expect two posts per week at best.

In January I made what some would consider an ill-fated decision to cover the Oscars for a straight month. Eight posts all devoted to the Academy Awards. I even posted a schedule. Bad idea. My computer crashed, I was in a job search and the last thing I wanted to do was talk more about Reese Witherspoon winning an Oscar (shudder). So lesson learned: I will never again post a post schedule. I may allude to things I’ll be writing about (i.e. everyone in the world knew I’d write a Keanu Reeves piece this summer, and you bet you’ll be getting an Emilio Estevez piece when his movie Bobby comes out), but I will never outright tell you when to expect them. Because I will never come through; I abhor deadlines, and they hate me too.

After the Oscars the site faltered for a while as I tried to figure out my next move. My numbers were slowly increasing (they doubled from March to April), but I couldn’t figure out what you all wanted to read. I was picking up the fact that you preferred celebs over movies and movies over TV, but I couldn’t seem to deduce what it was about my writing about movies and celebs that you liked. I wrote some ill-advised pieces about more time-oriented subjects (shudder, Siberia Season, shudder). And I wrote some funny ones that turned out better then I deserved (Ten Sequels I’d Like To See). But ironically, it was my first celebrity target than helped me to move the site in the right direction.

The third post I ever wrote was called “Kenny Chesney Immune To Bitchface”, where I railed on the “fake” marriage between Chesney and Renee Zellweger. A lot of people got upset at me for calling her names and being so mean and hateful. Those people are obviously wrong. As my boy A-Train likes to say “What’s the internet for, if not to slander people anonymously?” In response to the backlash I wrote a piece called “Renee Zellweger Doesn’t REALLY Have a Bitchface”. And over the first seven months of TheJay.com Renee became my target du jour. I slammed her every chance I got. But then in March my Mom asked me to write her a Mother’s Day piece where I was nice to Renee, and I took the challenge. The piece turned out pretty good (read it HERE), but what was better was the reaction from my readers. My numbers went up after I posted the piece. And from that I learned this: highlight a celebrity and talk about something that makes them unique. And from that point on I tried to focus my posts on someone or something, specific.

That practice culminated in early May when I was on the treadmill and was trying to come up with ideas for what I wanted to say about The Da Vinci Code. I don’t care about religion, I didn’t really like the book, and the controversy had been covered ad nauseam by the mainstream press. What I kept thinking about was Tom Hanks’s Hair, specifically how much it sucked. And it got me to thinking about his hair over the years, and I realized that it has always sucked. And thus “Grading the Career of Tom Hanks’s Hair” was born.

Up until that point I hadn’t tried to market or advertise the site. For one reason or another I didn’t think I had written anything worth making a fuss over. But the Tom Hanks piece turned out really good. I happened to chance on the blog site for Vh1’s Best Week Ever and sent the editors a link to my piece. They liked it and suggested I submit it using their “Drop It” feature. A day later Best Week Ever wrote an entry on their main page about my piece and TheJay.com got it’s very first shout out. That was the last time my site was anonymous. Less than a day later the piece has been picked up by more than ten other blogs. A day after that I signed on to my stat program to see that I had jumped more than 18 GB in over a day! And since the most bandwith I had ever done in a single day before that was 200MB, that was a HUGENORMOUS boost in traffic. As it turns out, Ebaum’s World had put my piece as one of their Daily main page links, AND College Humor listed in their Hot Links section. Those two links started a wildfire of hotlinking, and before I knew it I had done 80GB in traffic in just over two weeks, had more than 60,000 new readers, and saw my site get listed on the Alexa Rankings for the first time (at number 1,300,000). I had sites in a dozen foreign languages reprint my post. I had 100 comments before I even knew it (when my previous high had been 9). The traffic request crashed my server; I had to upgrade the size of my hosting plan five times in a week (Big thanks to Greg Swaney at Nexcess.net for his patience, understanding and awesome deal making. To this day, I’m glad to be a Nexcess customer). This post had put my site on the map. What was I going to do for a follow up?

The answer, in short, was Keanu Reeves. I had long since been a fan of The One, and had been defending him to my friends and family for years. After seeing the success of writing about a quirk of a celebrity near the time of the release of their new movie, I knew it was time to write a Keanu piece, in time for his new (quality draining) Sandra Bullock weepfest The Lake House. So on June 6, 2006, late in the evening I posted “Keanu Reeves Does NOT Suck, And I Can Prove It”. It was a great piece that highlighted the forty reasons why Keanu was cool, and I was extremely proud of how it came out. I went to bed a happy man, and with a feeling like this post was going to do good things for TheJay.com. Boy, was I right. By the time I checked my stats the next morning, I had already done more than 5GB of traffic (in less than 10 hours). Apparently, an enterprising reader put a link to the post on Reddit, which prompted an outpouring of support for the two time Ted “Theodore” Logan. The piece shot to the top of their most liked chart, landing it on prime real estate for browsers. And just like the Tom Hanks piece before it, the Keanu piece started a wildfire. I got posted on Keanu fan sites, got picked up on Gorilla Mask, on MSNBC.com, on USA Today and Whitney Matheson’s Pop Candy, and on a bevy of smaller personal blogs. Now, I was not only on the map, I was also a destination reading spot.

Over the next two months, this story got repeated multiple times. From “What’s Hiding In Owen Wilson’s Shag” (which was linked on the front page of the IMDB) to “A Press Release From Anne Hathaway’s Breasts” (which almost got me in trouble from the Associated Press) to “Just How Bland Is Orlando Bloom, Really?” (which nearly got me crucified by ignorant fangirls), the readers and the links kept coming. Less than four months after the Tom Hanks’s Hair piece, I have welcomed more than 250,000 people to my site, and seen my Alexa ranking soar from 1.3 million to 100,000 (I’m now rolling with the big boys of the Top 100k). Last September I had less than 500 unique visitors in the entire month. This year I expect to receive more than 50,000. And I hope to make at least a third of them laugh just once.

I want to thank everyone that has been such a great help to me over the last year: A-Train, The Lady, Tim, the family (but especially my Mom for giving me several much needed guilt trips about not posting enough), Greg Swaney, Attu, Spencer Sloan, John Walkenbach, the guys at Best Week Ever, College Humor and Gorilla Mask, and most of all myself, for being such a witty, witty bitch. I have a lot of great new stuff coming over the next year, including:

1. A redesign (Pimp the new in-development logo up at the top of the post. Let me know what you think in the comments section.)
2. Merchandise (t-shirts, hoodies and underoos coming soon…)
3. An official MySpace page, where you can be my friend (tempting, I know).
4. Podcasts (TheJay, coming soon in Stereo!)
5. Much, much more (I don’t really have a fifth thing planned, I’m just anal about having a nice round number.)

So stick around and enjoy the sarcasm and Reese Witherspoon insults. You won’t be disappointed. For your reading pleasure I’ve provided a breakdown of the site below. It’s everything you eve wanted to know (or probably didn’t care) about TheJay.com. Enjoy!

TheJay.com: A Stat Breakdown

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Total # of Visits: More than 375,000

Total # of Unique Visitors: More than 265,000

Total Bandwidth: More than 300GB

Average # of Readers Per Month: More than 22,000

Average # of Readers Since May: More than 52,000

Biggest Month: July 2006 – 75,000 Unique Visitors, 1,430,000 Hits, 60GB

Biggest Day: August 24, 2006 – 17,000 Unique Visitors, 310,000 Hits, 18GB

Alexa Ranking on May 1, 2006: 1,300,000

Alexa Ranking on September 13, 2006: 100,856 (A 1,300% jump in just four months)

Total Number of Posts: 77 (An average of 6 posts per month. Who says I’m not prolific?)

Total Number of Words Written: More than 160,000 (Good lord, I could have written a book in 160,000 words. And you know what the title would have been? “Tonight at The Jay: Everyone Gets Laid”. It’s tasteless, disgusting, offensive, and the best PCU quote.)

Total Number of Comments: 840

Total Number of Links: 373 links (and counting) from 166 blogs

Best / Coolest Links: IMDB, EW, Pop Candy, Ebaum’s World, College Humor, Gorilla Mask

Most Popular Post: Grading the Career of Tom Hanks’s Hair

Most Controversial Post: Keanu Reeves Does NOT Suck, And I Can Prove It

Most Overlooked Post: Tie:

• Ten Sequels I Would Love To See
• Recasting a Classic: Princess Bride

Worst Post: Tie:

• Siberia Season
• Crash?????????????????!!!?????!?!?!?!???????????!!!?!??!?!?

My Favorite Post: Tie:

• Rachel McAdams Is The Next
• 50 Reasons Why I Like Renee Zellweger
• Future Access Hollywood Spoilers
• Keanu Reeves Does NOT Suck, And I Can Prove It
• A Press Release From Anne Hathaway’s Breasts

My Least Favorite Post: Crash?????????????????!!!?????!?!?!?!???????????!!!?!??!?!?

Funniest Post (per capita): Tie:

• Tearful Celebrity Apologies
• Future Access Hollywood Spoilers

Longest Post: The Jay’s 2006 Summer Movie Preview Extravaganza!!!

My Favorite Posted Picture: The Jake Gyllenhaal Salute

Most Commented On Post: Keanu Reeves Does NOT Suck, And I Can Prove It – 291 Comments (and counting)

Biggest “The Jay Is An Idiot (more than normal)” Post: The Case For: Brokeback Mountain, Best Picture Oscar Winner

Biggest “The Jay Is So Smart He Might Actually Be A Prescient Being” (aka The “In Your Face, I Was So Right!” Award) Post: The time I told everyone I knew that King Kong would disappoint at the box office (but neglected to write it down as proof of my awesome forecasting powers).

Number of Swipes at Reese Witherspoon: More than 12 (don’t worry, I’ll get this higher next year)

Biggest “Friend of TheJay.com”: Robot Hand Is The Future, who has taken to linking every post I do, despite it’s quality. Thanks man!

Worst “Friend of TheJay.com”: Defamer - Would it kill you to link to me just once? Selfish, link-hoarding bastards (said completely out of love)!

Number of Unwarranted Cracks at Innocent Celebrities: Trick question, nothing I say about celebs is unwarranted. I’m harsh, but I’m right.

“Smartest” Post: Tie

• Breaking the Release Bubble Of Hollywood
• Royal Rumble: Movies vs. Marketing

Meanest Post: Just How Bland Is Orlando Bloom, Really?

Most Kiss Assy Post: I Saw Fiona Apple At The Wiltern And You Didn’t (I had to acid burn my nose just to get the smell of freaky musician ass of my nose.) (P.S. Your welcome for that visual.) (P.P.S.S. Fiona, your awesome; you too KT Tunstall, while we’re at it!)

Most Annoying Reader (s): The ten people or so who keep stealing my columns and reprinting them in their MySpace blogs without my permission. Screw you, thieving jackasses. Respect the Creative Commons liscense, bitches!

Most Awesome Hate Comments:

1. From the Tom Hanks Piece: rougy: Are you serious? Are you for real? Are you that petty and superficial? Here’s my grade for snarky diva websites who blow the miniscule out of proportion: F–

2. From the Tom Hanks Piece: The Dominator: Suck my dick this is horrible the guy is a complete shmuck fuck u and tom hanks get a life douche bag.

3. From the Tom Hanks Piece: Amy: You’re a moron. Plain and simple.

4. From the Owen Wilson Piece: shaia: ok, first off, this is the lamest thing i have ever read….Are people really that jealous of a star? do you NOT have anything better to do?? Did you truly get paid to write this? it is a waste of time, a waste of space, and a waste of probably someone brilliant talent of working for a newspaper (The Jay’s note: My readers are so eloquent. And have the best grammar.)

5. From the Orlando Bloom Piece: Victoria: Ok, I am an Orlando Bloom fan & I thought what you said was very rude, mean & Arrogant. If you don’t like his movies then don’t watch them or are you too stupid to do that because from your article it kind of sounds like your (sic) a complete moron anyway. You’re free to express your opinion but doesn’t make it right now does it. I so happend (sic) to like Pirates of the Caribiean (sic) Dead man’s chest, I didn’t like it, in fact I LOVED IT. You should quit your day job because you don’t know what you’re talking about by the way Troy too was a good movie, I liked it so much I bought the DVD. I think he is a a very talented actor. so all I have to say is nobody likes Jerks, it’s not a good trait. You’re just a jealous hater who has nothing better to do then to put down someone that’s doing better then you. Have a Great day! (The Jay’s Note: Again, let me call out how intelligent and well-written my readers are.)

Most Awesome Fan Mail Comment:

From Tearful Celebrity Apologies: Tony: Hey dude, dis is sum funny shit.

(Ed note: This is all I hope to hear from my readers. I’ve had more effusive fan mail, but this one sums it up best. Keep it coming, Tony. If you keep reading my funny shit, I’ll keep writing it.)

Thank you everybody, for reading and supporting this tiny, sarcastic, uber-witty, ultra-insightful, totally relevant, exceedingly important, humble website. It is much appreciated.

Bangarang!

Here’s how it went down…

Had the gang over for Lost night (where they finally put together a good, cohesive episode, despite Michelle Rodriguez’s best attempts to screw it up), when out of nowhere my friend Dimo goes “So I’m going to see Fiona Apple at the Wiltern on Saturday”. And my response was: “Za? …what about me???” He couldn’t believe I wanted to go. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t already asked me. My love for the Crazy Fruit is well documented, as well, not a month earlier we had debated the merits of her new album. The funny thing is, he wasn’t even looking for company, he was just saying it to say it. But no matter how the information got to me, I’m glad it did. Cause now nothing was stopping me from seeing my favorite schizo singer live.

It’s weird to me that I haven’t seen her in concert. I’m not an avid concert-goer per se; I’m more like the guy who only goes to see artists that he loves. I definitely wouldn’t go to see someone I was only casually interested in, because lord knows how expensive concerts have begun. In my life I have seen: Madonna, Dave Matthews Band, The Strokes, Coldplay, The Killers, Kanye West, Avril Lavigne, some other forgettable bands back when I worked on the concert show Pepsi Smash, and now Fiona Apple.

As you can tell from the list, I’m a very picky concert chooser, which is why I was so glad to hear that Fiona was coming to town. She’s one of the few remaining musical acts that I am still dying to see live (including: U2, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Green Day and Britney Spears, though with her it’s only for funsies). Dimo told me the tickets were only $40, which rocks, because that’s on the way low end of the price spectrum. As well, with Fiona having disappeared on a five year heroin bin- I mean hiatus- she could have charged practically anything and her fans would have come running. So Dimo and I hit the net to grab our tix, again reminding me that the internet is and always will be “A Tool For Good”!

Problem. To buy the tickets on Ticketmaster, we had to provide a password, with which we could only attain if we were American Express Gold Card members? What the hell is that? I will never understand how the music business survives, when they pull this type of crap on the fans (especially the casual, fickle ones). Do you mean to tell me that the only way I can buy tickets to a concert is if I own a particular type of credit card? Man, the Wiltern has gone disgustingly corporate. However, I don’t believe for a second that Fiona has anything to do with this, as her music has never been licensed for promotional use, and her whole image as an artist is antithetical to this procedure. Anyway, after a couple hours of searching the net, we gave up trying to find a code, and thus began to doubt that we would ever be seeing Fiona anywhere, let alone on Saturday. Could it be… the internet as “A Tool For Evil”?

The days passed quickly, as we were distracted by Thanksgiving and all the good eats. I got a call on Friday night -as my confidence had just hit an all-time low where Fiona Apple concerts were concerned- Dimo was on the other line. He was determined to go, and you know what, so was I. We found out when the box office was opening and decided to brave the potentially lengthy lines. We were getting in, no matter what.

Dimo called the Wiltern on Saturday morning and was told by a real live person that the box office would open that day at 4pm, with any possible remaining tickets given out at that time. We parked on a side street (with a failed meter no less… a very good sign), and walked the half block to the Wiltern, only to be surprised by the lack of people. There were maybe ten people there and they already had tickets. Apparently the real live person had lied to us and the box office didn’t actually open for another hour. Seeing as how it was freezing beyond belief, we decided to book it to the nearest Starbucks, drink up some of that Blackberry Izzo soda I dig so much, and wait the wind out.

So true story: as were walking to Starbucks we had to dive out of the way of a fallen street sign that was being flung through the air at a speed of more than 30mph. Don’t tell me that the weather in LA isn’t weird as hell. We went from so sunny it burns the eyes to the sequel of Twister (except minues the giant Helen Hunt forehead) in just under two hours. God bless Southern California.

Starbucks was uneventful, so we headed back to the Wiltern a bit early. We got back at 4:30pm only to find a real line this time. We were about twenty or so people in, and our prospects were bleak. The whole line was pessimistic, and we were all in an outrage over the American Express crap. I talked to one guy who owned the right credit card, got the password and Ticketmaster STILL wouldn’t sell him a ticket! At this point I was thinking that it was entirely possible that they hadn’t sold any tickets at all, if even the qualified buyers couldn’t do their thing.

Long story short, half an hour later we found ourselves at the ticket window being handed to two tickets to the show(seats no less, no standing for The Jay), with nary a service charge in site. As a Fiona fan I was ecstatic about the seats and the show, as a consumer I was over the moon about the cost savings. This was shaping up to be a great night.

With a few hours to kill before the show, Dimo and I went back to The 209 for some cookies and some Madden. He played the 91 Bills, I was the 85 Dolphins. It was down to the wire, but I pulled out a seven point victory. Small consolation for Dan Marino never winning a Super Bowl, but I’ll take what I can get. At 6:30pm it was time to go, as Fiona was waiting. We grabbed our stuff, I now with a thicker jacket, and headed out the door.

Getting some grub before the show, we both realized that we happened to be on a straight date. You know what I’m talking about. This is where two guys go out together and enjoy a good time, but without the overt sexual undertones. Needless to say, it was a top shelf awkward moment, and we both took some time to retreat to our minds where doubtless we thought about such high quality man topics as naked celebrities, football and going to the bathroom for an hour.

We resigned ourselves to the fact that we were two heterosexual males going to a Fiona Apple concert together, and headed for the Wiltern. Not even a little HoYay could stop us from enjoying our Fiona.

We grabbed a spot on the street about a block and a half away (Take that concert parking prices!) and jetted into the concert hall. The Wiltern is a gorgeous, old-Hollywood theatre, with brilliant high ceilings and exquisite wall design. The whole place was humming with excitement. We were so excited that we headed straight for the bar. We lit it up, 7 and 7 style, and let me tell you, the bartenders at the Wiltern are your friend. My drink was so strong, that I turned my phone off after three sips, less I be tempted to drunk dial Fiona-fans and laugh at their misfortune. So we enjoyed our drinks and scoped the room. Caught Chris Gore from Film Threat holding court and looking his age. Caught the immortal Christine Elise of Beverly Hills, 90210 fame (she was the psychotic Emily Valentine), where we immediately launched into Jason Priestley jokes. Always good times. But the best sighting of the night was easily The Spader, who arrived arm-in-arm with who I think was Leslie Stefanson (The General’s Daughter). Spader looked like he was still in his Alan Shore costume, and was gracious to all around him. He seemed totally cool, and I couldn’t be happier to know that the guy that helped OD Robert Downey Jr. in Less Than Zero was actually a cool dude.

But all of this is who cares, because the lights went down and it was time for the show. We found our seats, and they were just dynamite. Right in the front row of one of the sections, nobody’s heads in front of us, I had nobody sitting next to me, and we even had a railing in front of us to lean forward on. Dimo was stoked (he was on his third 7 and 7), and I was just relieved not to feel claustrophobic. So fifteen hundred words later, Fiona walked on stage.

And she rocked. No bones about it, she tore the roof down. She blazed through more than fifteen songs, from all three albums, playing the hits and the personal favorites. She opened with two songs from the new CD, then launched immediately into Shadowboxer, which brought the house down. She unleashed the big guns early, and we were all grateful.

I was surprised to see how good she looked. She was put together well in a classy blue dress, her hair was done, she even had make-up on. I’ve always thought she was gorgeous, but in person she’s stunning. Though still crazy. Right off the bat she told the crowd that she wouldn’t be talking all that much, because she always screws it up. And sure enough, when she tried to introduce her band near the end of the show, she botched it. Crazy Fiona is definitely still in existence, as she kicked, screamed, clawed, jerked and tourettesed her way through the set. Everything was calm when she was at the piano, but whenever she went to center stage to sing, all emotional hell broke loose. Which in her case is not necessarily a bad thing. I certainly enjoy watching a good emotional breakdown, now and again.

She is a very visceral performer. You can read the emotions on her face. This is great, because it’s so easy to tell which songs of hers she likes the most. She was dying during Sleep To Dream, so caught up in the lyrics, but she seemed bored (and off key) during Criminal. She definitely likes playing her new stuff, and exploring different beats, and she especially dug encore-ing with the title track of her new album, Extraordinary Machine. That was the only time in her set that she seemed truly relaxed and happy. The rest of the time she either stalked the stage nervously, or hid in the shadows.

The set list was about as good as I could have hoped for. Dimo and I both heard the songs we wanted, and we both missed out on the one we really wanted to hear, but that’s ok. I was just happy she sang Shadowboxer, Limp, Paper Bag and Get Gone. The set was diverse, tactical and entertaining. Here’s the breakdown of songs she sang, album to album:

Tidal

• Sleep to Dream
• Shadowboxer
• Criminal

When the Pawn…

• On the Bound
• To Your Love
• Limp
• Paper Bag
• Fast As You Can
• Get Gone

Extraordinary Machine

• Extraordinary Machine
• Get Him Back
• Better Version of Me
• Tymps
• Parting Gift
• Oh Well
• Red Red Red

So you can see it was a great cross-section of her music. The crowd loved every minute of it, and the energy in the air was entirely positive. Dimo and I rocked out for the entire show (even threw in some “white guy” dancing), and we both totally heterosexually sang along to Criminal, Shadowboxer and pretty much all the songs from When the Pawn.

Downsides: what’s with the people who feel the need to scream at the band every time there’s a music break? Moreover, you know Fiona is unstable, so would you think yelling at her would be a good idea. Fiona kept on getting rattled by the adoration, and seemed to shrink from the pressure of being a beloved artist.

Also, to that beyond annoying woman sitting next to me who insisted on singing loudly to all of Fiona’s quiet songs, you can go to hell, you can go to hell and die. I paid to hear the professional sing, not you, so cram it! Realistically, I understand that we as fans want to sing along, and that’s fine. If I was at a Dashboard Confessional’s concert I would expect the crowd to sing 30-45% of the songs, because that’s how they role. If I was seeing U2, I would expect to fans to sing during “One”. But I just don’t get why you would sing along out loud to a Fiona Apple song that isn’t named “Criminal”. Her music is about her voice, and the emotions you can hear in it. This experience is devalued if I can’t hear her over the crap ass singing from two seats over. And I thought people talking at the movies was annoying!

Aside from stupid fan singing and scaring the talent, the show went off without a hitch. Fiona was an on-point and assured performer, and she commanded the stage with an almost predatory presence. When the lights finally went up, I was nearly exhausted by it all. Fiona had rocked, and I was duly blown away. It was a truly great show, worth all the wind and the cold and the money. The night was flawless, from the good dinner (Tommy’s), to the excellent drinks, to the great company (A really cool straight date, Dimo, but let’s never do that again without women.). Seeing Fiona Apple in concert was easily one of the highlights of the year for me, and I’m stoked I got the chance to do it.

Sometimes it’s just great to be alive.

Bangarang!

It’s a slow news day. When I check my ten or so movie, TV and celebrity news sites and the biggest story is the wedding of Ashton and Demi, you know you’re having a hangover-Monday. Apparently, absolutely no one in Hollywood decided to do any work today. Which sucks, because now whose choices can I make fun of?

Well since the world is boring on this not-Manic Monday, I thought I would take care of some old and new business and just mark down some thoughts that have been going through my head lately. And sprinkled in, all the “who cares?” celeb news from recent weeks. Back tomorrow with, hopefully, something of any some interest to somebody.

• I hosted/mediated/ led the fiasco of a podcast last night. It’s a show called Grunt Talk put together by some old Valley Knight friends of mine. The show is about the people in the entertainment industry who are actually working. In other words, the grunts on their way up, doing the work of the lazy, talentless hacks that get to make the decisions. Very cool stuff. The seven of us kicked in my buddy Drew’s recording studio, eating some Earl’s (the best donuts in the Valley!) and yabbering about the industry. The show was our pseudo pilot, and for a first episode, it went surprisingly well. And long. We talked for almost an hour more than we thought we would, which is great, because we now know for a certainty that we have content to spare and chemistry to burn. We talked about upcoming movie and DVD releases, and spoke a bit about whom each of us were and about what’s been on our mind lately. The main topic of the show was actually the piece I wrote on Friday about the question of what makes a movie geek these days. Put seven geeks in a room together, talking about being geeks, yeah, it’s safe to say we had too much to say on that topic. But the bottom line came down to this: the word “geek” has been captured and capitalized by society. The idea of actually being a geek, though, stands more in line with your passion. The fact that movies make me the person I am today is what makes me a movie geek, despite what writers, directors, actors and movies that I like or dislike.

It looks like we’re gonna be busting the Grunt Talk every couple weeks, so check HERE to learn the “who, what, where and why” of our show.

• So according to the Imdb, Lindsay Lohan gave an interview where she stated that she realized she has gotten crazy thin and is gaining weight again because she wants to be a better role model for teens. This is all just a nice way of saying “Cocaine’s a hell of a drug”.

• A weekend where I don’t get to go the movies at least once is not a real weekend. It’s just two days in a row that I wasted on unnecessary crap.

• The Lost season two premiere satisfied my need to have the show back, took away the bitter flavor of the disappointing season one finale, but ultimately was not the hour of television I needed to buy my first class seat on the Lost bandwagon. Something tells me this show is going off its rails by February. Mark my words.

• There’s just nothing like having a craving to play Madden for five straight hours, then actually getting the opportunity to do just that. I felt like I was back in college. Go UCSB!

• Kirsten Dunst has a big, ugly mouth.

• So I post my Fiona Apple piece on Wednesday, and lo and behold, two days later EW arrives in my mailbox, with none other than the Crazy Fruit gracing the cover. I keep telling you people, The Jay is ahead of his time.

• I can’t believe that Jodie Foster doesn’t have better things to do than star in Flightplan.

• Moreover, I can’t believe AMERICA had nothing better to do than spend $10 bucks on Flightplan.

QUICK TV ROUND-UP

Invasion – I could barely pay attention, and it had nothing to do with the twenty minute long hurricane scene that opened the show. I’m sure over the course of the season that cool things will spring out of this ABC drama hour, I just won’t be there to see it.

Head Cases – Saw it. Hated it. Glad it’s gone. Won’t miss it.

Everybody Hates Chris – Funny show, without a doubt. I give it two season’s tops. UPN has no business making this show a hit, and moreover, Chris Rock can do better than UPN.

My Name is Earl – This is a good show, not great, and definitely not worthy of the extreme guerilla marketing campaign that NBC is saturating the LA area with. All that aside, it’s just plain nice to see Jason Lee on TV every week.

BACK TO BUSINESS…

• I just went out to lunch where it began raining, yet it was eighty degrees outside and the sun was still shining. Only in L.A.

• Was there really anything surprising about The Apprentice: Martha Stewart bombing so spectacularly? I have never cared about this woman ever, and I know I’m not alone. I can’t believe she’s taking up an hour of good TV time. This is why NBC is now a fourth place network. It has nothing to do with Joey, which is doing just fine.

• Quick shout out to my home girl Gail Bianchi, who is hitting the road for a year to play Peter Pan in a national stage tour. I’m so proud of her, and hope the show comes to LA so I can see her do her thing. Also, since she had to get rid of most of her stuff, The Jay was able to get his grubby claws on a wicked new desk, a sweet lamp, a cool poster and portable book shelf. Traveling actors rule!

• In the great Subway vs. Quizno’s debate, round five goes to Quizno’s with their excellent Chicken Milano. Mmm, sun-dried tomato spread…

• At this point it’s safe to say that the death of the six-pack for The Jay was caused by Snackwell’s fat free chocolate cookies.

• Jenna Jameson is moving into mainstream movies. Great, just what we need, another porn star turning their back on their fans.

• The Hollywood Publicity Machine just called the number of some hooker from Laguna Beach. I guess I should start watching that show. The girl is cute, I guess, but do we really need another reality star gracing the covers of Maxim and FHM. It’s just taking time away from stars that really deserve it, like Alyssa Milano and Carmen Electra.

• I’ve now reached the point where I don’t feel sorry for Jennifer Aniston anymore. Memo to Jen: It’s been nine months, he’s moved on, we’ve moved on, hell, even US Magazine has moved on. So stop getting trashed on Oprah and start dating again.

• Finally, I checked my stats and it seems that people are actually showing up to the site and reading the content, which totally rules. But I’m a little disappointed that there aren’t more comments. Dude, I know my friends are reading this. Don’t think I’m not marking down which of you don’t comment, and totally signing you up to several hardcore gay porn sites. And yes, A-Train, this most definitely means you.

Bangarang, Boring Monday!