Yep, still bland!
Even with a God-sized snot rocked coating his soft vanilla center he still cannot escape his inherent blandness. There may be no hope for him, at all.
I should feel delighted seeing him get humiliated in front of a screaming audience of kids, but I don’t, cause I already saw that happen in [...]
Posts under ‘Orlando Bloom’
Checking In On Orlando Bloom’s Road To Non-Blandness Recovery
Katherine Heigl Can NOT Open A Movie!
So we can dispense with that notion right now.
Today, the LA Times posted an obnoxious, poorly-thought out piece on Box Office Sorority Sisters, claiming that with the moderate opening weekend success of 27 Dresses, Katherine Heigl had officially joined the elusive ranks of women who can open a movie on their own. This, as [...]
The 2007 TheJay.com Year In Film Awards
I’m rip roaring and raring to go on ‘0JAY8 like La Lohan on an extended weekend in Capri, so before a Celebritard does something so dissgrossting that I have to break my Lost Girls ban and dip into my bag of fake whore words to describe their actions (”whoreititude” being my current favs), let’s start [...]
What’s Giving Keira Knightley A Lemonface?
She’s the lead in a critically acclaimed new film coming out this week that’s generating her some serious Best Actress Oscar buzz, she starred in the fourth highest grossing movie of the year, she’s recently been named the new spokesperson for vaunted perfume company Chanel and she’s successfully swatted away the incessant tabloid reports that [...]
Happy Thanksgiving From The Jay!
Bangarang!
Runner-Up Excuses For Not Winning People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” Award
So People Magazine has named Matt Damon 2007’s “Sexiest Man Alive”. Which I guess is a fine choice if you like pig-nosed frat boy looking dudes who happen to play bad ass amnesiac spies. I’m a fan of the guy (and it should probably be stated, completely straight), but let’s get real, he’s [...]
Ben Affleck Is NOT A Tool, And I Can Prove It!
This is the fourth definition listed in the Urban Dictionary under the term “tool”:
“A person, typically male, who says or does things that cause you to give them a ‘what-are-you-even-doing- here’ look. The ‘what-are-you-even-doing- here’ look is classified by a glare in the tool’s direction and is usually accompanied by muttering of how big of [...]
“Ride it, Lick it, Snort it, F-ck it!” And Other Celebrity Mottos
I love me a good motto. I love mottos even better when I can steal them from pop culture. Whether it’s Nicolas Cage’s “B.A.D. – Balls Attitude Direction” from Kiss of Death, “A.A. – Attitude Adjustment” from Rad, or my personal favorite “F.U.B.A.R.” from Tango and Cash, I like to yoink them all [...]
Honoring 9/11 TheJay.com Way: By Making Fun Of Celebrities!
Better words will come from better writers today, and as such, I will not attempt to editorialize on the impact of 9/11 nor its unending societal reach six years later. I am not a newsman or a pundit, I’m not a D.C. blogger nor a member of a political party. I lost no [...]
If Celebrities Were Transformers
In many ways celebrities are exactly like Transformers. They may walk through the day in their “civilian” form, but when the time comes they transform into all manner of characters (doctors, lawyers, cowboys, the pervert from Happiness played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman; which should not be confused with the pervert he played in Boogie [...]
