One year ago today I posted the first article on the re-launched TheJay.com (You can read that first post HERE). It’s been a wild twelve months; a ride that has seen its shares of highs (TheJay.com linked on the IMDB!) and it’s lows (Crash winning the Oscar comes to mind). I have made some great friends through the site (Craig Beilinson for one, who writes the best press junket reports on the net. Or the guys over at Matt Kreiger). I have made some fun enemies (basically any Orlando Bloom, Reese Witherspoon and Renee Zellweger fan). But mostly I’ve had a blast writing about entertainment, and an even greater pleasure of interacting with my readers. I don’t usually do personal posts because this is not that type of blog, but I thought today I’d take you behind the scenes of TheJay.com to show you what the year was like for me.
I launched with a completely different attitude, style and direction than I have today. At the time I was hoping to post 4-5 small posts per week, or about one a day. They were going to be more news-based, similar to the 5,000 other gossip sites that cover the latest La Lohan shenanigans (And while we’re on the subject, seriously Lindsay, put some underwear on. There hasn’t been a celebrity whose cootata we wanted to see less at this point.). So I’d cover the happenings of entertainment, but also intersperse non-time sensitive pieces about whatever I was passionate about that day. This all worked well and good for about a month, when I realized I didn’t have the time to write 1,000 words a day on topics that are being covered more thoroughly and with better pictures, elsewhere (egotastic, defamer and the superficial come to mind). So over the course of the next few months I slowly moved the site to being less news-oriented and more feature-based. I liked the topics more, I had more time to devote to the individual pieces, and I felt like the site became more unique.
The problem was that my post count dropped dramatically. I went from writing 11 posts in September to writing just 5 in October and 7 in November. Over the last year I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that I will never be as prolific as other bloggers. I have too many other things going on in my life to pump out more than 8 posts a month. On the other hand, those eight posts average 2200 words each, so my content volume is probably the same as your average 25 post per month blog. Also, the topics I cover are fresher, and the pieces themselves are deeper in their examination. Basically, you get more by getting less. Unless this site starts paying for my entire life (which I doubt it ever will), you can expect two posts per week at best.
In January I made what some would consider an ill-fated decision to cover the Oscars for a straight month. Eight posts all devoted to the Academy Awards. I even posted a schedule. Bad idea. My computer crashed, I was in a job search and the last thing I wanted to do was talk more about Reese Witherspoon winning an Oscar (shudder). So lesson learned: I will never again post a post schedule. I may allude to things I’ll be writing about (i.e. everyone in the world knew I’d write a Keanu Reeves piece this summer, and you bet you’ll be getting an Emilio Estevez piece when his movie Bobby comes out), but I will never outright tell you when to expect them. Because I will never come through; I abhor deadlines, and they hate me too.
After the Oscars the site faltered for a while as I tried to figure out my next move. My numbers were slowly increasing (they doubled from March to April), but I couldn’t figure out what you all wanted to read. I was picking up the fact that you preferred celebs over movies and movies over TV, but I couldn’t seem to deduce what it was about my writing about movies and celebs that you liked. I wrote some ill-advised pieces about more time-oriented subjects (shudder, Siberia Season, shudder). And I wrote some funny ones that turned out better then I deserved (Ten Sequels I’d Like To See). But ironically, it was my first celebrity target than helped me to move the site in the right direction.
The third post I ever wrote was called “Kenny Chesney Immune To Bitchface”, where I railed on the “fake” marriage between Chesney and Renee Zellweger. A lot of people got upset at me for calling her names and being so mean and hateful. Those people are obviously wrong. As my boy A-Train likes to say “What’s the internet for, if not to slander people anonymously?” In response to the backlash I wrote a piece called “Renee Zellweger Doesn’t REALLY Have a Bitchface”. And over the first seven months of TheJay.com Renee became my target du jour. I slammed her every chance I got. But then in March my Mom asked me to write her a Mother’s Day piece where I was nice to Renee, and I took the challenge. The piece turned out pretty good (read it HERE), but what was better was the reaction from my readers. My numbers went up after I posted the piece. And from that I learned this: highlight a celebrity and talk about something that makes them unique. And from that point on I tried to focus my posts on someone or something, specific.
That practice culminated in early May when I was on the treadmill and was trying to come up with ideas for what I wanted to say about The Da Vinci Code. I don’t care about religion, I didn’t really like the book, and the controversy had been covered ad nauseam by the mainstream press. What I kept thinking about was Tom Hanks’s Hair, specifically how much it sucked. And it got me to thinking about his hair over the years, and I realized that it has always sucked. And thus “Grading the Career of Tom Hanks’s Hair” was born.
Up until that point I hadn’t tried to market or advertise the site. For one reason or another I didn’t think I had written anything worth making a fuss over. But the Tom Hanks piece turned out really good. I happened to chance on the blog site for Vh1’s Best Week Ever and sent the editors a link to my piece. They liked it and suggested I submit it using their “Drop It” feature. A day later Best Week Ever wrote an entry on their main page about my piece and TheJay.com got it’s very first shout out. That was the last time my site was anonymous. Less than a day later the piece has been picked up by more than ten other blogs. A day after that I signed on to my stat program to see that I had jumped more than 18 GB in over a day! And since the most bandwith I had ever done in a single day before that was 200MB, that was a HUGENORMOUS boost in traffic. As it turns out, Ebaum’s World had put my piece as one of their Daily main page links, AND College Humor listed in their Hot Links section. Those two links started a wildfire of hotlinking, and before I knew it I had done 80GB in traffic in just over two weeks, had more than 60,000 new readers, and saw my site get listed on the Alexa Rankings for the first time (at number 1,300,000). I had sites in a dozen foreign languages reprint my post. I had 100 comments before I even knew it (when my previous high had been 9). The traffic request crashed my server; I had to upgrade the size of my hosting plan five times in a week (Big thanks to Greg Swaney at Nexcess.net for his patience, understanding and awesome deal making. To this day, I’m glad to be a Nexcess customer). This post had put my site on the map. What was I going to do for a follow up?
The answer, in short, was Keanu Reeves. I had long since been a fan of The One, and had been defending him to my friends and family for years. After seeing the success of writing about a quirk of a celebrity near the time of the release of their new movie, I knew it was time to write a Keanu piece, in time for his new (quality draining) Sandra Bullock weepfest The Lake House. So on June 6, 2006, late in the evening I posted “Keanu Reeves Does NOT Suck, And I Can Prove It”. It was a great piece that highlighted the forty reasons why Keanu was cool, and I was extremely proud of how it came out. I went to bed a happy man, and with a feeling like this post was going to do good things for TheJay.com. Boy, was I right. By the time I checked my stats the next morning, I had already done more than 5GB of traffic (in less than 10 hours). Apparently, an enterprising reader put a link to the post on Reddit, which prompted an outpouring of support for the two time Ted “Theodore” Logan. The piece shot to the top of their most liked chart, landing it on prime real estate for browsers. And just like the Tom Hanks piece before it, the Keanu piece started a wildfire. I got posted on Keanu fan sites, got picked up on Gorilla Mask, on MSNBC.com, on USA Today and Whitney Matheson’s Pop Candy, and on a bevy of smaller personal blogs. Now, I was not only on the map, I was also a destination reading spot.
Over the next two months, this story got repeated multiple times. From “What’s Hiding In Owen Wilson’s Shag” (which was linked on the front page of the IMDB) to “A Press Release From Anne Hathaway’s Breasts” (which almost got me in trouble from the Associated Press) to “Just How Bland Is Orlando Bloom, Really?” (which nearly got me crucified by ignorant fangirls), the readers and the links kept coming. Less than four months after the Tom Hanks’s Hair piece, I have welcomed more than 250,000 people to my site, and seen my Alexa ranking soar from 1.3 million to 100,000 (I’m now rolling with the big boys of the Top 100k). Last September I had less than 500 unique visitors in the entire month. This year I expect to receive more than 50,000. And I hope to make at least a third of them laugh just once.
I want to thank everyone that has been such a great help to me over the last year: A-Train, The Lady, Tim, the family (but especially my Mom for giving me several much needed guilt trips about not posting enough), Greg Swaney, Attu, Spencer Sloan, John Walkenbach, the guys at Best Week Ever, College Humor and Gorilla Mask, and most of all myself, for being such a witty, witty bitch. I have a lot of great new stuff coming over the next year, including:
1. A redesign (Pimp the new in-development logo up at the top of the post. Let me know what you think in the comments section.)
2. Merchandise (t-shirts, hoodies and underoos coming soon…)
3. An official MySpace page, where you can be my friend (tempting, I know).
4. Podcasts (TheJay, coming soon in Stereo!)
5. Much, much more (I don’t really have a fifth thing planned, I’m just anal about having a nice round number.)
So stick around and enjoy the sarcasm and Reese Witherspoon insults. You won’t be disappointed. For your reading pleasure I’ve provided a breakdown of the site below. It’s everything you eve wanted to know (or probably didn’t care) about TheJay.com. Enjoy!
TheJay.com: A Stat Breakdown
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Total # of Visits: More than 375,000
Total # of Unique Visitors: More than 265,000
Total Bandwidth: More than 300GB
Average # of Readers Per Month: More than 22,000
Average # of Readers Since May: More than 52,000
Biggest Month: July 2006 – 75,000 Unique Visitors, 1,430,000 Hits, 60GB
Biggest Day: August 24, 2006 – 17,000 Unique Visitors, 310,000 Hits, 18GB
Alexa Ranking on May 1, 2006: 1,300,000
Alexa Ranking on September 13, 2006: 100,856 (A 1,300% jump in just four months)
Total Number of Posts: 77 (An average of 6 posts per month. Who says I’m not prolific?)
Total Number of Words Written: More than 160,000 (Good lord, I could have written a book in 160,000 words. And you know what the title would have been? “Tonight at The Jay: Everyone Gets Laid”. It’s tasteless, disgusting, offensive, and the best PCU quote.)
Total Number of Comments: 840
Total Number of Links: 373 links (and counting) from 166 blogs
Best / Coolest Links: IMDB, EW, Pop Candy, Ebaum’s World, College Humor, Gorilla Mask
Most Popular Post: Grading the Career of Tom Hanks’s Hair
Most Controversial Post: Keanu Reeves Does NOT Suck, And I Can Prove It
Most Overlooked Post: Tie:
- Ten Sequels I Would Love To See
- Recasting a Classic: Princess Bride
Worst Post: Tie:
- Siberia Season
- Crash?????????????????!!!?????!?!?!?!???????????!!!?!??!?!?
My Favorite Post: Tie:
- Rachel McAdams Is The Next
- 50 Reasons Why I Like Renee Zellweger
- Future Access Hollywood Spoilers
- Keanu Reeves Does NOT Suck, And I Can Prove It
- A Press Release From Anne Hathaway’s Breasts
My Least Favorite Post: Crash?????????????????!!!?????!?!?!?!???????????!!!?!??!?!?
Funniest Post (per capita): Tie:
- Tearful Celebrity Apologies
- Future Access Hollywood Spoilers
Longest Post: The Jay’s 2006 Summer Movie Preview Extravaganza!!!
My Favorite Posted Picture: The Jake Gyllenhaal Salute
Most Commented On Post: Keanu Reeves Does NOT Suck, And I Can Prove It
– 291 Comments (and counting)
Biggest “The Jay Is An Idiot (more than normal)” Post: The Case For: Brokeback Mountain, Best Picture Oscar Winner
Biggest “The Jay Is So Smart He Might Actually Be A Prescient Being” (aka The “In Your Face, I Was So Right!” Award) Post: The time I told everyone I knew that King Kong would disappoint at the box office (but neglected to write it down as proof of my awesome forecasting powers).
Number of Swipes at Reese Witherspoon: More than 12 (don’t worry, I’ll get this higher next year)
Biggest “Friend of TheJay.com”: Robot Hand Is The Future, who has taken to linking every post I do, despite it’s quality. Thanks man!
Worst “Friend of TheJay.com”: Defamer – Would it kill you to link to me just once? Selfish, link-hoarding bastards (said completely out of love)!
Number of Unwarranted Cracks at Innocent Celebrities: Trick question, nothing I say about celebs is unwarranted. I’m harsh, but I’m right.
“Smartest” Post: Tie
- Breaking the Release Bubble Of Hollywood
- Royal Rumble: Movies vs. Marketing
Meanest Post: Just How Bland Is Orlando Bloom, Really?
Most Kiss Assy Post: I Saw Fiona Apple At The Wiltern And You Didn’t (I had to acid burn my nose just to get the smell of freaky musician ass of my nose.) (P.S. Your welcome for that visual.) (P.P.S.S. Fiona, your awesome; you too KT Tunstall, while we’re at it!)
Most Annoying Reader (s): The ten people or so who keep stealing my columns and reprinting them in their MySpace blogs without my permission. Screw you, thieving jackasses. Respect the Creative Commons liscense, bitches!
Most Awesome Hate Comments:
1. From the Tom Hanks Piece: rougy: Are you serious? Are you for real? Are you that petty and superficial? Here’s my grade for snarky diva websites who blow the miniscule out of proportion: F–
2. From the Tom Hanks Piece: The Dominator: Suck my dick this is horrible the guy is a complete shmuck fuck u and tom hanks get a life douche bag.
3. From the Tom Hanks Piece: Amy: You’re a moron. Plain and simple.
4. From the Owen Wilson Piece: shaia: ok, first off, this is the lamest thing i have ever read….Are people really that jealous of a star? do you NOT have anything better to do?? Did you truly get paid to write this? it is a waste of time, a waste of space, and a waste of probably someone brilliant talent of working for a newspaper (The Jay’s note: My readers are so eloquent. And have the best grammar.)
5. From the Orlando Bloom Piece: Victoria: Ok, I am an Orlando Bloom fan & I thought what you said was very rude, mean & Arrogant. If you don’t like his movies then don’t watch them or are you too stupid to do that because from your article it kind of sounds like your (sic) a complete moron anyway. You’re free to express your opinion but doesn’t make it right now does it. I so happend (sic) to like Pirates of the Caribiean (sic) Dead man’s chest, I didn’t like it, in fact I LOVED IT. You should quit your day job because you don’t know what you’re talking about by the way Troy too was a good movie, I liked it so much I bought the DVD. I think he is a a very talented actor. so all I have to say is nobody likes Jerks, it’s not a good trait. You’re just a jealous hater who has nothing better to do then to put down someone that’s doing better then you. Have a Great day! (The Jay’s Note: Again, let me call out how intelligent and well-written my readers are.)
Most Awesome Fan Mail Comment:
From Tearful Celebrity Apologies: Tony: Hey dude, dis is sum funny shit.
(Ed note: This is all I hope to hear from my readers. I’ve had more effusive fan mail, but this one sums it up best. Keep it coming, Tony. If you keep reading my funny shit, I’ll keep writing it.)
Thank you everybody, for reading and supporting this tiny, sarcastic, uber-witty, ultra-insightful, totally relevant, exceedingly important, humble website. It is much appreciated.
Bangarang!
The action movie is dead, or so goes the current popular theory. They say (and we must believe them, for “they” is never wrong), that in a time of war audiences do not want to see things blow up, bad guys shot to pieces, or good prevailing over evil. And with old school action stars Arnold, Sly and Bruce albeit retired from the genre that made them famous, the silver screen is now devoid of a blue chip action star. Well take note, because “they” are very, very wrong.
Vin Diesel - Well, let’s just say that Bruce Willis never wrestled a duck in any of his action movies. And if he had, he surely would have won the fight.
No, all the actors vying for the action crown are merely pretenders to the throne, too scared to really go for broke in a genre that can provoke unintentional laughs just as easily as it can adrenaline-pumping thrills. Statham can not only bring the funny (check him in any of the Guy Ritchie flicks, but especially in Snatch), but he also brings the badassary necessary to be an action star. He doesn’t primp or pose or seem at all interested in his appearance. He just cares about kicking ass. That’s what I call an action star.
He’s British, so you have the goofy accent right there. And more power to him for overcoming the fact that he is British and yet still convincing as a pure-bred American action hero. We accept foreign action heroes, just look at Arnold or Van Damme, but we’re curiously apathetic towards Brits. Pierce Brosnan got by because of Bond. Nobody thinks Jude Law has what it takes. Irish Colin Farrell is more fun in dramas where he can walk around semi-drunk with a “Did I nail that extra over there, yet?” face on. And Ewan McGregor didn’t even look right in a Michael Bay movie. When Bay can’t make you an action hero, nobody can. And yet, Statham has succeeded with flying colors. I suspect it’s because he talks as minimally as he can, and he kicks ass whenever possible. We’ll forgive anyone so long as he’s willing to sock a dude in the face at the drop of a hat. 
It’s pretty much a given that Statham looks the part. Check out the scene where he takes on six guys on an oil slick in The Transporter, where he fights the villain on a crashing airplane in Transporter 2. Or any scene he did in The Italian Job. When a movie bases its entire marketing campaign around you shooting two guns in mid-air (as it was for Transporter 2) you know you’ve reached a point where audiences believe in your action cred.
Statham is the same way. Transporter 2 opened unexpectedly huge; he could have easily changed things up and done a lame comedy where has to protect a bunch of kids or something. But no, he takes a movie that sounds even crazier than his last one. His new action flick Crank has him running around trying to keep his adrenaline up, because if he doesn’t he’ll die (Basically it’s Speed 3, except he’s the bus). So he robs a liquor store, gets into fights, stands on a moving motorcycle, bones Amy Smart in public and fights a bad guy in an open air helicopter. Sounds like good times to me. It also sounds completely ludicrous, which is a sure sign you’re watching a throwback action flick. Fifteen years ago this would have been a perfect Bruce Willis movie.
Celebrities just don’t apologize enough. They release statements that try to white wash bad behavior, but no one ever comes outright and admits wrong doing. And that’s a mistake. With all the lying and cheating and paparazzi bashing and internet stalking going on these days, it’s hard to believe anything that comes out of anybody’s mouth. But I bet if someone were accused of something, say Paris Hilton getting accused of hacking into Lindsay Lohan’s cell phone (
Rachel McAdams: The Jay just told me I don’t have to apologize for anything. He says I’m perfect just the way I am. What a nice guy. I think maybe I’ll break up with Ryan and go challenge The Lady for the The Jay’s honor. Now where did I put those brass knuckles Lindsay gave me on Mean Girls?
I finally got around to seeing the new Pirates of the Caribbean flick, and while I didn’t love it (unbelievable special effects, unbelievably annoying script), I found myself inexplicably intrigued by one facet of the movie: Orlando Bloom’s complete and utter blandness. Over the course of a butt-killing two and a half hours I watched him swordfight, romance Keira Knightley, jump around, do some swimming, be dramatic, play some dice and generally be swashbuckling, yet at no time during the entire proceeding was I riveted by his performance. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he’s a bad actor; he hits all his marks, he commits to the role, he says his lines well, he’s not ugly, but there’s just nothing to him that sparks any interest in me. I mean he’s dashing and all. He’s dashing. But wouldn’t it have been more interesting if that part was played by say… Ewan McGregor? Or Ryan Gosling? Wouldn’t you have rather seen Captain Jack Sparrow tangle with Obi-Wan Kenobi?
