President Barack Obama

Conversations with President Obama: George Clooney

Jan 20th, 2009
by Jason Matthews.
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GEORGE CLOONEY: The way you capture the minds of the American people. So effortless and charming.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: And the way you casually roll through supermodels and actresses and media personalities, then discard them without so much as… a second glance. So insouciant. So… so… so…

GEORGE CLOONEY: Cool?

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Yes. That’s it. Cool. You are cool.

GEORGE CLOONEY: No, sir. YOU are cool.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: George. WE’RE cool.

BOTH: Cool cats!

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: George. You are my American Ambassador of Cool.

GEORGE CLOONEY: And you’re the Coolmander-in-Chief.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: George. My friend. With our combined forces of cool, we could single-handedly return this nation… to it’s coolness roots. We could be as cool as were in the 60′s, when we touched down on the moon, invented free love and gave birth… to Rock & Roll.

GEORGE CLOONEY: And we will, sir. We will bring this nation to the heights of cool. It will be our uniting dream. Our greatest challenge. Our true audacity of hope. After you fix the economy and the war in Iraq, of course.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Of course.

BOTH: Snore! (they giggle like school boys)

GEORGE CLOONEY: Hey, you know, we’ve been up here for a few minutes. Maybe we should take a question.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Good call, George. That is the cool thing to do.

/reporter asks Obama if he plans plans to bring democracy to North Korea, and the global ramifications of such an action.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: (whispers to George) I learned this move watching Don Draper on Mad Men. (turns to the reporter, looks steely and distant) No.

/crowd of reporters waits, hushed. Then, stunned, gives him a standing ovation.

GEORGE CLOONEY: So cool.

/reporter asks George if he ever sees himself running for office.

GEORGE CLOONEY: (whispers to Obama) Katie Couric taught me this trick after we banged at the DNC back in ’04. (turns to the reporter, smiles) Ah, well, you know, I can’t speak for the future. But, look, I’m just an actor. My opinion means nothing. But I can say this: America is a great country, and like any good citizen, I will do my part to make this country great. Mostly by not doing anymore Batman movies!

/crowd of reporters laugh, charmed. A pair of lace panties hits George in the head.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Crazy cool.

/Obama and George do an elaborate nine-step handshake, make plans to drink scotch with Brad Pitt in the Oval Office.

BOTH: Cool cats!

Bangarang!

Conversations with President Obama: Jack Black

Jan 20th, 2009
by Jason Matthews.
1 comment

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Jack. Hello. Thank you for coming. My lovely children, Sasha and Melia, are big fans of Kung Fu Panda. We must have watched that DVD on the Campaign Trail close to one hundred times.

JACK BLACK: Skiddush!

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: In fact. The essence of my… foreign policy is partly derived from the… pacifism and emphasis on love and friendship displayed by… the Kung Fu Panda.

JACK BLACK: Holy Fuckalukadingdong! (runs in circles for four minutes)

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: You keep making this country laugh. Keep entertaining the kids. Especially my kids, the lovely Sasha and Melia. American needs laughter right now. I can do a lot for this country. But to govern, lead and make em laugh, all at the same time? Might be too big a job. Even for me. Do you think you could help?

JACK BLACK: This is not, the greatest conversation in the world, no. NO! This is a tribute, oh!

Bangarang!

Conversations with President Obama: Ben Affleck

Jan 20th, 2009
by Jason Matthews.
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BEN AFFLECK: Mr. President, it has been an honor to campaign for you. I truly believe you will bring a new vision to this country. And a return to prominence for our wounded economy. Your passion for change, and confidence in the American people’s ability to bring about that change, is inspiring. I am forever enlightened by listening to you, following you and in being in your presence. I look to our future, and, for the first time in eight years, feel hopeful. I owe that to you, sir.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Ben. Thank you. That means a lot. I promise to do my best… to… fulfill your dream of the future and make this country… a safe, prosperous place for Violet and young Serafina. America is an ever-changing mosaic of values and ideals, blurry from the noise of its power. Together we can work to bring clarity… to that that picture.

And may I also add, Ben, you were the bomb in Phantoms, yo!

Bangarang!

The Greatest Motion Picture of 2008 (Or Maybe Ever)

Nov 4th, 2008
by Jason Matthews.
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When I breathed a sigh of relief:

“If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.”

When I realized the magnitude of this day:

“It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.”

When I desperately wanted to run hope and watch the first two season of The West Wing for the 17th time:

“For that is the true genius of America, that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.”

When I knew it was “on”:

“The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you, we as a people will get there.”

When I realized it would all be OK:

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers, in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

When it all became real:

“This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can.”

Bangarang!

Just A Reminder of Who The Jay Is Voting For…

Nov 4th, 2008
by Jason Matthews.
1 comment

Ben Affleck For President!

See no movies, watch no TV, read no internet gossip blogs, listen to no radio, discuss nothing in front of the watercoolers, make fun of no celebritards, tivo not the morning talk shows, pray not at the alter of Keanu, lift no weights, run no miles, climb no mountains, take no multi-vitamins, brush no teeth, master no bate, kiss no mate, eat no scrumptious butter croissants, do no morning crunches, complete no crossword puzzles, play no spider solitaire, illegally download no music, take no poorly lit cell phone pics of celebs at Starbucks, stalk no exes on Facebook, wake and don’t bake, run no errands, gather no rosebuds while thee may, basically, don’t do SHIT until you VOTE!

For one day, there is nothing on this Earth more important than that. Today is not a day to be a narcissist. Today is a day for change. Today is the day we MAKE change happen. Tomorrow we can fumble around and be mindless, superficial idiots again, but today?

Today is the day we get it right.

Yes we can.