Welcome to the first monthly recap for 200Jay8, The Year of The Jay. For anyone that missed a post or two, here’s your chance to catch up before I fly headlong into the bosom of the Feb. But first, a few favs of the month.

Favorite Movie I Saw In January: Rambo.

Bloody, violent and awesome. As I read somewhere else on the interwebs, Rambo was the best movie 1986 never gave us. I can agree to that. (Though it should have been longer. I needed at least 10 more minutes of Rambo on the big artillery gun blowing away Burmese terrorists, and at least one long rambling speech that is completely unintelligable. What’s a good Stallone movie without the mumbly, tear-filled oratory? And huge biceps?)

Favorite Thing I Read: Issue #60 of Y: The Last Man

A fantastic comic series; I was sad to see it end, but appreciative of the journey it took me on. Even if you don’t read comic books, I urge you to give this a chance. Pick up the first trade book, it’ll be the best twelve bucks you spend this month. And I hope and pray they don’t eff up the movie by casting Shia LaFreakinBeouf. It should be Ryan Gosling or nobody at all.

Favorite Celebrity of the Month: Elisha Cuthbert

There’s crazy, there’s Tara Reid, there’s British Britney, there’s Gary Busey, and there’s willingly making out with Paris Hilton in a nightclub. Holy Jeebus. I knew she wasn’t right in the head when she chopped off all of her hair and started actively trying to become Kirsten Dunst (this, btdub, is the worst sequel idea to Face/Off ever!), but I never thought it would come to this. I’d kiss Natasha Lyonne before I threw down with Paris. At least you could say you snogged an indie queen. With Paris, all you can is pass the Valtrex.

Favorite Pop Culture Moment of the Month: It wasn’t Britney turning British and getting committed. It wasn’t the Cloverfield Monster (which I still haven’t seen), or the Oscar nods, and it definitely wasn’t Ennis Del Mar quitting life. It wasn’t even Peter Griffin attempting to speak Italian. No friendo’s, it was this:

So, SO brilliant.

Now, onto the recap!

• I started out the year with a never-ending recap of every 2007 post. It was so long that whole Celebritard careers were born and slayed even before the mid-point. I’m pretty sure Keanu Reeves discovered the cure for cancer somewhere during the Fall months. But that was inevitable, so I can’t take credit.

• I gave out my annual Year In Film Awards. No surprise that Harry Potter was prominently involved. Any time I hear the words “Expecto Patronum”, blood involuntarily floods my bathing suit area; even if Emma Watson isn’t involved. It’s the darndest thing.

• I questioned the intelligence behind making Marlon Wayans a G.I. Joe. But later was relieved to find that The Quaid would be leading the fight. Now HE’S a Real American Hero.

• I let you follow me around during the CES convention.

• And even showed you some awesome pictures of me awesomely looking awesome while at the thing.

• Lindsay Lohan hit on The Hulk, and the results were not pretty.

• A very important question was asked: What would you give up to save your favorite TV show?

• I introduced the world to my coverage of the 7th Season of American Idol. THIS… Is JAYmerican Idol!

• Randy, Paula, Simon & Ryan all wrote down their goals for the new season.

• Matthew McConaughey was stoked and wowed by the baby growin’ in his ladies womb (named: Tecate Miller Chill McConaughey). Also, he blessed God for evolution.

• Matty Broderick and Sarah Jessica Barbaro Parker take a leisurely gay husband and cokehead wife stroll through the streets of New York.

• Children’s fantasy author Kaza Kingsley sat down with me and I pulled out my Babs Walter master impreshe. “Kaza, do you wax your wegs?”

• The 2008 Oscar nods came out and I was bummed that my boy Ben Affleck and his lovely wife, J-Garns, got shut out.

• Heath Ledger freakin’ died! (And I am still not over it. Reading about Jake’s depression has been harrowing.)

• Nicolas Cage likes to steal tiny dogs off the street, and I’m told, one time shot Harrison Ford in the head. Bapada Boopie!

• Katherine Heigl inexplicably became a movie star without anyone asking for my permission. (Also, how in the world did she place #1 on AskMen.com’s 99 hottest women of 2008? I wouldn’t have her in my Top 50! You’re really saying girls like Marissa Miller and Megan Fox and Adriana Lima are LESS attractive than Izzie Stevens. What has this world come to?)

• Are you gonna be on you way?

• And finally, I got everyone in the mood for the return of the greatest show on Television that doesn’t involve small town Texas football or obnoxious singers being judged by booze addled former pop divas.

To quote a man who came back into my life this month in a big, violent way, “February… I’m coming for you!”

Bangarang!

It might surprise you to learn that when I’m not anonymously lambasting celebrities online, slavishly watching each and every bad American Idol audition episode, pwning my friends in Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon (I’m like Clubber Lang, I can’t be beat and I won’t be beat.), and trying not to stab idiots in the thorax who talk during movies, I actually like to read. And not that Amazon Kindle nonsense, but an actual ink on a page book. The kind of entertainment where you crack it open for the first time and smell the vinegar from the paper and the spine glue. A good book can delight me even more than an episode of Lost (even the ones that revolve around Kate being writhe-y).

Which is why when acclaimed children’s fantasy writer Kaza Kingsley (pronounced Jazz-a, not like the program we used to all use to download free Britney Spears MP3’s.) approached me to interview her during the blog tour for her new book, I happily jumped at the chance; her book series, Erec Rex, helped get me the through my Harry Potter Book 7 withdrawals. Here’s how the first book in the series, subtitled The Dragon’s Eye, is described on Amazon:

“Enter Alypium, a hidden world within our own where our old knowledge of magic is kept and strange and fantastical creatures abound. It is a beautiful and mystical place, but things are caving in. The king is hypnotized and his castle turned on its side. The very Substance that holds things together has gone awry, and whispers tell of evil plans to destroy everything. Twelve year old Erec Rex has been yanked out of the world as we know it and thrown unwillingly into this mess. As he learns how to get by in this strange world he also discovers some truths about himself … and must learn the power of trust and love in order to save his mother, and all of Alypium. In this stunning tale packed with action, humor, a colorful cast of characters, and a riveting plot, debut author Kaza Kingsley brings us into a world of danger and excitement. For Erec, it is a world that is eerily familiar and inevitably intertwined with his future. To the reader, it is a fantastic escape that shall be taken again and again.”

In short, it’s totally ninja. Book 2 in the series, The Monsters of Otherness is available in stores and in online retailers everywhere, and happens to be just as awesome as the first book. I highly recommend it.

I sat down with Kaza last week, and by sat down I mean we traded e-mails, and she was cool enough to drop some free wisdom for you, my sweet readers (For more on Kaza, peep her personal blog HERE). I was Day Fifteen in her blog interview tour. For links to all the others days, please visit her blog linked in the previous sentence.

Enjoy the interview…

The Jay: Who were your favorite authors growing up, and the people you like to read now?

Kaza Kingsley: I loved the Oz series by L. Frank Baum, and still love Alice and Wonderland Through the Looking Glass! I read such a wide variety now, just finished Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. It was great!

They’re making it into a movie, too. Leonardo DiCaprio is doing it. Love the idea that Gangs of New York is going to teach me about more effectively using my mindgrapes.

Anyway…

So did you have other influences beyond authors? Particular films or filmmakers that touched you, or TV shows you obsessed over?

There are so many. I used to take notes when I saw funny movies, try to analyze what made them funny (I know, I’m a dork.) And I’d take apart plots – I remember doing it with “Get Shorty.” I just want to know how to make them work, dissect them and piece them back together again. But I love comedy. I started writing a stand-up routine once. There is nothing that would scare me than to do a comedy routine onstage – which is why I may be drawn to it!

One film that did touch me was Imagine, the John Lennon documentary. I love that he used his fame to try to make our world a better place, and stop war. I also was affected by Supersize Me – in a totally different way!

What made you decide to write children’s books versus more adult fare?

I’ve already answered this question during another interview. To read my answer go HERE.

How much of an inspiration, or guide, to you was the Harry Potter series while you were writing the first Erec Rex novel?

I’ve already answered this question during another interview. To read my answer go HERE.

How much pressure is there for children’s fantasy writers to produce the “next” Harry Potter? Do your editors try to push you in a particular direction to achieve that result? I notice the book jacket and typeface bear a striking resemblance to the HP books.

I agree – the jacket does have that feel. On the good side, it says, “This is a fantasy book. If you liked Harry Potter, you’ll like this.” On the bad side, it could look like a Harry Potter rehash. Which it is not! I’d actually love to hear from you and your readers whether they think the covers are good or bad for the books.

As far as pressure – there is always pressure to perform, with payback in shelf space and promotions in bookstores. But I think editors are shooting more for originality than anything else.

How do you think the publishing industry can capitalize on the success the HP books had in bringing readers who rarely read? How do they keep them from choosing more “exciting” forms of entertainment?

That is the golden question. I think it will take an author with red hair . . . if only we could find one . . . (The Jay Note: I love it when my interview subjects throw me the narcissism. I respect it so much.)

The good news is that the HP craze has opened a doorway, and it’s not shutting yet. There are still masses of kids that can’t wait to get their hands on the next Stephanie Meyers book, or next Warriors book.

But can another book attain the level that HP did? My guess is that it will take the right combination of factors – but that it is possible. Hey – this is an open forum. I’d love to hear from your readers what they think it would take. Let’s all work together here to catapult Kaza to the top…

Readers of TheJay.com unite!

So tell me, is the goal of every fantasy writer to have their book made into a movie? Is that a goal of yours? Have you already cast the movie in your head?

Jay! I’m surprised at you. To suggest that the goal of every lofty-minded fantasy writer is to have their book squandered commercially! Well .. YES, it is completely the goal of every fantasy writer. (I feel qualified to speak for all of us on this issue.) There is nothing I would like more. And, yes, I will be coming up with my “dream cast” and putting it on the Erec Rex forum.

Does knowing your audience is mainly kids, teens and young adults at all force you to lighten up your text? What I mean is, do you find yourself intentionally PG-ing the action or drama, or adding unnecessary exposition to account for the attention span or reading level of your audience?

Yes – and no. It’s interesting. As I write there are times when I’ll actually have a little alarm go off: is this too offensive? Too scary? Dark or distasteful? But nine times out of ten I go with what I was originally going to say. I do avoid swear words – they really don’t add anything that can’t be said without them. That is one aspect that is definitely affected by having kids in my audience. But concepts? As long as they’re worded with “clean” language there has not been anything I’ve needed to avoid.

Luckily, in fantasy, it’s not as much of an issue as in realistic fiction. My characters aren’t getting pregnant or into drugs. It’s just not that type of story. Erec and Bethany will risk their lives, make tough choices, meet strange people … and I don’t really have to lighten that for kids. Big issues like death and why we are here are not something I avoid. On the other hand, I do try to avoid unnecessarily long words and winding sentence structure. That might make it hard for adults to read, too.

On that note, what is your goal for the series? What messages or issues are you trying to address through the life of Erec Rex.

I’ve already answered this question during another interview. To read my answer go HERE.

How many Erec Rex Novels do you see yourself writing? Is there a bible to the universe, or plan of action that you are following step by step?

There are eight – and they’re all plotted out. There is a step-by-step plan of action. I fill in a lot as I write, but I have definite guideposts on the way.

So then there must be an appendix for all the little details about the world you create, yes no? And if so, how big must that file be!

I’m so pathetic. I do – but it’s more notes scrawled on paper than an organized, alphabetized thing. Every time I write my characters into a place they’ve been before I have to recheck all the details of that place. That gets more and more time consuming with each book!

Beyond this series, what types of books do you see yourself writing?

My problem is I have too many ideas, and I want to do all of them! I am planning a cookbook for kids that has to do with my series. But I also want to write a diet book (I have a lot of ideas on the subject!) I’ve got tons of notes on two different adult novels – one of which I’m a third of the way through – if and when I get the time for them. I am planning some side books for the Erec Rex series. And I’ve got some great ideas for younger kids’ books.

Once I finish Book Three – soon – I’m going to write a side book in the Erec Rex series, and see if I have time to do a little something else before starting Book Four!

Let’s get to the superficial stuff… tell me about some of the pop culture in your life. Movies you love, TV shows you TiVo (Why do I keep hearing that you hate TV?), Music you listen to, etc.

I so no TiVo. (Who needs grammar in interviews?)

I’ve never seen The Office. What does that tell you about me? Not that I wouldn’t be willing to see it. Just don’t turn it on. That would be me, writing somewhere, instead of TiVo-ing. The TV I like best is Comedy Central’s Friday Night Stand Up. I think the bottom line is those comedians really work on their routines, and spend much more time on them than the crap that gets churned out on a daily basis by staffs of mentally exploited and thematically limited screenwriters. Comics? Their writing is their baby. They own it. If it fails, it’s them up there.

This is why I love movies and hate TV. I mean – I could be wrong. And there have been – and are shows I love. Never missed a Seinfeld episode. But when I go to a movie, I get the feeling that this was someone’s baby. A lot of people worked really long and hard on what I’m going to see in the next two hours. Tons of takes were done for each scene. Crap was cut. Risks were taken. It’s premium time. Okay, I’m a purist, I guess. I love tons of movies, all types. Loved Bowfinger by Steve Martin – that humor was right up my alley! I just saw Charlie Wilson’s War – it was great. I could go on and on…

Music – I’ve been getting into Blue October lately. Love Jack Johnson and Ben Folds. I have a pretty wide taste in music. Just wish I got to see more live!

And, it’s a book, but I enjoy Chuck Klosterman’s pop culture essays and books. He’s hysterical.

Hating on the TiVo? You’re killing me Smalls!

Totally random question: What would your American Idol audition song be?

Right now? Jack Johnson’s Banana Pancakes or Cocoon. But I’d need JJ to sing with me. His voice would be like my instrumental accompaniment. Would that count? Hey, JJ – if you’re out there – I think we got a great idea here…

And the final and most important question…

Tell me how much you love TheJay.com and why you have to read it every single day.

TheJay.com? What’s that?

Just joking, of course. Because reading TheJay.com every day is a requirement, even though you only post about once a week. Let it go on the record that seeing your stunning countenance on a daily basis is a basic necessity for not just me, but for all women, everywhere. Those who have not yet been introduced to The Jay have not yet awoken, but lay dormant, waiting for that precious moment where they first lay eyes on you.

But, bottom line, I like your sense of humor. That’s what I really like. Apart from your smoldering eyes, of course.

They do smolder. This is a true story.

P.S. I love ending interviews with my subjects telling me how awesome I am. So with that, I implore you all to head on over to the official Erec Rex website and learn yourself an education on the wonderful world of Kaza Kingsley.

Bangarang!

The International CES Convention is one big technological lapdance. You walk these ginormous halls checking out the latest and greatest in gadgets, gear and acccesories, and you can touch them, and sometimes, if you’re lucky, even play with them, but you can NOT under any circumstances buy them or take ‘em home. You’re just supposed to walk away with the memory of the experience. And that’s cold comfort to gearheads everywhere who need a constant fix of their techno-addiction.

Why tease us? Why let us see the 150″ HDTV if I can’t cut a whole in my wall and crane that bitch in? Why show me the true 3D screens if I’m not gonna get to be nauseous in front of them till at LEAST Q1 08? Don’t keep the Wii Shotgun from me! That’s my whole reason for finally buckling and buying the system! Ya’ll made a mistake up there. Never get a geek riled up if you’re not prepared to calm him down. We’re getting bloggy. You wouldn’t like us when we’re bloggy.

But alas, a fun trip nevertheless. Here’s a heaping helping of pics I took on the many hundreds of feet of the CES floors.

Hitting up the con floor for the first time, looking positively professorially dashing in my brown blazer. Beat THAT, Zach Braff! Boom!

You could watch a lot of porn on all those TV’s.

Looking FUH-lie on a HD TV. Why don’t I have my own network series by now? They really shouldn’t keep people this good looking out of America’s homes.

My home girl KT Tunstall rocking out on a screen the size of Helen Hunt’s bitchy forehead.

Fragging some greasy bitches and dropping some knowledge at the Unreal booth. (OK… FINE! I got pwned pretty bad. But I don’t spend every waking moment playing 1st person shooter games. I have a life. I’m busy being awesome. That’s a 24/7 gig.)

Me and a hottie booth babe. She may have the nice boobs and spectacular midriff but I have a sprakling personality. So, you know, in your face, hot spandex chick! (Yeah, that was a burn!)

The biggest consumer TV in the world. If Pretty Woman were playing it would look like a lunar eclipse every time Julia laughed.

I am this close to getting that Hippo’s phone number.

Suck it, LaBeaouf!

One remote to rule them all.

Come with me if you want to Wii.

LOTS more pictures after the jump.

(more…)

Hey kids, I’m at CES (Consumer Electronics Show) in Vegas (baby!) for the next few days, walking the convention halls, drooling over new tech gadgets, praying at the alter of Barney Stinson-sized big screen TV’s and generally gettin’ my geek on (drinking and gambling might also be involved. Here’s my strategy: Always best on black. Thank you, faded ass-kicking tax-evader extraordinaire Wesley Snipes!). Thought you might be interested in reading about all the cool stuff I’ll be scoping out. Check back often for updates, as I’ll be a Twitter-ing fiend for the next full 48. Enjoy!

THE JAY AT CES! (Twitter reposted here as text)

• Done with the con floor. Saw a ton of cool stuff. Took some great pics. Even did some biz. Success! about 22 hours ago from txt

• The hot go daddy booth babe just used her boobs as a sales device. I am now registered for a go daddy url. I suck. about 23 hours ago from txt

• Was just told that robotic vacuums are the future. If thats true then i wanna make like a tree and get out of here. about 23 hours ago from txt

• I’ve never seen a bigger collection of orange things than at the vonage booth. Yikes! Though it is the new pink. . . about 24 hours ago from txt

• Just got my ass pwned at the unreal gaming booth. Halo is my game, anyway. about 24 hours ago from txt

• Never try to park at a convention in vegas. Seriously. 10:19 AM January 09, 2008 from txt

• Hungover, but ready for day two. . . 09:43 AM January 09, 2008 from txt

• Sooo drunk around all my bosses. Pray for the jay to come home employed. 09:28 PM January 08, 2008 from txt

• How come i cant figure out how to play craps? Even when the dealer teaches me? Is it a math thing? Cause i suck at that. 06:56 PM January 08, 2008 from txt

• Done with day one on the convention floor. Time for a nap and a shower before night time shenanigans. 03:37 PM January 08, 2008 from txt

• The guy in the blackberry suit was a little grabby. No touching. No touching! 02:53 PM January 08, 2008 from txt

• The a list booth babes are top to the notch. The b list. . . Not so much. Most are barely fresno 5s. 02:50 PM January 08, 2008 from txt

• Played madden in 3d from samsung. Was totes tight, but made me dizzy inside of ten mins. 01:20 PM January 08, 2008 from txt

• Blu ray had an amazing demo on a 150 inch hd screen. Mind officially blown. 01:17 PM January 08, 2008 from txt

• Finally at the show. Saw the 103 inch plasmas. Theyre Hotter than a hot pocket! 10:13 AM January 08, 2008 from txt

• Landed. Ancient guy next to me smelled like barry bostwicks ass. Eff southwest. 08:05 AM January 08, 2008 from txt

• At Burbank, dealing with southwest boarding. Numbered polls, really? What was wrong with stampede style? 06:52 AM January 08, 2008 from txt

• Flight leaves in seven hours and I’m still awake. Watching The Kingdom to fall asleep. So many FNL’ers in the cast. LOVE that! 11:55 PM January 07, 2008 fromweb

• The Jay is off to CES! See you on the other side of my schwag pile. Booyah! 09:59 PM January 07, 2008 from web

Bangarang!

JANUARY

I started the year as I always do, with the Year In Film Awards. I mused about which actors were The Most Unwatchable. I kept my ears to the Celebritard ground and heard Things Overheard on the Golden Globes Red Carpet. My numbero uno celebrity crush broke my mighty heart by getting herself knocked up (and by a grody civilian no less!). I considered the things other Celebrities Are Considering. I gave my reactions to the Oscar nominations. Jamie Foxx and I considered the Mysteries Of Life. I jotted down my Most Anticipated Movies of the year (and boy was I wrong about Numbers 15, 12, 4 and 1. Yikes, Sorkin, please go back to TV and let Tom and Julia embarrass themselves on their own.). I acknowledged a Mitzvah for Eddie Murphy. Good old consistently batshit crazy Anne Heche, the one constant in my life. I am wowed by the many inexplicable practices of nutball celebrities. And I shook my head at the possibility that uber-talented actress and current The Next, Rachel McAdams and oddly-dressed pop icon and ska-punk genre abandoner Gwen Stefani may in fact be separated at birth.

FEBRUARY

I told the world what I thought about Sarah Silverman. I mused on the first trailer of Phantom Menace-level awesomeness that is the possibility that Robin Sparkles was going to be Wonder Woman. I finally catalogued all the signs to tell that you are watching a Bad Nicolas Cage Movie. I made the revelation that the Small Wonder is kind of a slut. I did triple Sachows of joy in my head because Captain N was coming. Young adolescents in need of hot tween stars yelped for locked door joy when we found out that Hilary Duff had returned to Hottie stature. I dropped my early American Idol favs and was rewarded by my homegirl Melinda D making the Top 3 and Sanjaya becoming a crazy-haired phenomenon. There were more than 23 reasons not to see The Number 23, but I like a good cliche as much as the next online humor writer. I liveblogged the cheesy wondermints of The O.C. series finale. My ears were burning at both the Oscars and the Razzies. And I was thankful that the Die Hard 4 poster didn’t completely suck Sharon Stone balls (I even came around to the totes lame title.).

MARCH

I uncovered what goes on at a Vanity Fair Cover Meeting. I interviewed Billy Zabka. ZABKA!!! I researched the worst crimes perpetrated on movie franchises by kids. There were many. I told you all about the pop culture statements I hold to be true. For all those looking to get in shape and get famous I designed a 300-style Workout for Celebritards. The Mii Lebowski is the best Wii movie adaptation in the history of Wii movie adaptations. I interviewed the winner of Helltrack, Mr. Cru Jones! After much deliberation I finally figured out why William Shatner kicks so much ass. Despite my beautiful words, this is not how the average night at UCSB goes. There are MUCH more well-choreographed light saber fights. And I wondered about the possibilities of what Harry might be holding on the cover of Book 7 (turns out it was a big bowl of kick ass flakes!)

APRIL

I gave you just one of the 4,365 reasons why I miss Arrested Development. Here’s how the lives of some classic video game characters went after they beat their games. A movie poster tribute to the bald badass of action movies, Mr. Bruce Willis. Celebrities deduct the weirdest things on their tax forms. You’ll never guess what the best movie to watch on 4/20 actually is (HINT: It does not involve Dave Chapelle.). And I asked some questions about Messirs Corey Haim and Feldman.

MAY

I gave The CW eights kinds of shit for canceling Veronica Mars. I marveled at the ease of which Peter Jackson could command a budget the size of a small country’s GDP for his little inter-personal drama. I mean, really, was there ever any wonder that we’d eventually see Lindsay Lohan’s nipples? I still haven’t decided which format to go with, and I don’t plan to any time soon. I live-blogged the bloated but supes-sweet season finale of American Idol. And here’s a recap of my coverage of Star Wars Celebration IV.

JUNE

With Paris and Lindsay down for the count, the paparazzi had a lot of time on their hands. Me and a cavalcade of celebs heap well wishes on Julia Roberts are her new kid. And I posted my well-loved piece about my time as a Movie Line Waiter.

JULY

I gave a 21 shots of Patron salute of the hottest pre-approved hot redhead tween star who inexplicably became the Queen of celebritards and ruined her chances of a legendary career, in the history of US Weekly. Peep the site on the iPhone! There are some good excuses for Britney’s umbrella attack. These are not those excuses. i considered what types of things celebrities would transform into, if they had those powers. I upchucked part of my childhood after seeing the grosstasstically awful Alvin and the Chipmunks movie poster (I can’t believe sane people are telling me it’s a cute movie. I want to El Kabong myself in the frontal lobe). I make the Best! Simpsons Avatar! Ever! I, and only I, uncovered the REAL reason Mandy Patinkin left Criminal Minds. Snape. Snape. Severus Snape. DUMBLEDORE! On that note, what Harry Potter meant and means to The Jay. TomKat gets their groove on, I get my hurl on. And I vow never to write about the Lost Girls ever again. And I have kept my promise so far…

AUGUST

I rule against reviving canceled TV shows (unless it’s Veronica Mars). I drop a review bomb on Dane Cook’s wildly unfunny Good Luck Chuck movie poster, and guess what? He gets an F-. I clued the world onto the most important pop culture dates of the Fall. As much as I try to help, seriously, Keanu Reeves is just NOT helping matters. I filed a rushed, insensitive (though funny) report on the ailing health of The Butterscotch Stallion and later regretted it. Steven Seagal is hilariously delusional. True Story. I am McLovin. A sardonic Irish pop star who blasts celebritards online. I revealed just what really happened on Quentin Tarantino’s infamous Trans-Atlantic flight (and consequently befriended renowned screen nymph Tiffany Limos in the process. Hey, Tiff!). And I noted something the world already knew: that KT Tunstall is a cleva girl.

SEPTEMBER

Why do the Celebritards make it so easy to roundhouse kick them in their constructed faces? I offered Halle Berry some potential names for her new baby. My faves were Hit N Run Berry and David Justice Sucks Berry. I honored 9/11 the only way I know how, by lambasting celebs. Pwned, terrorists! On TheJay.com’s two year anniversary I outlined 21 Ways To Build A Better Pop Culture Blog. You know what helps make a crappy Emmy telecast better? Pictures of Kristen Bell touching Hayden Panetierre. I got my journo on when I chronicled the dubious box office achievement of Evan Almighty. Mel Gibson wishes everyone a joyous Yom Kippur. Unless you are Jewish. Then he wants you to go start another war and run Hollywood and have hook-noses. And I laid the scene down of the DUI arrest of Kiefer Sutherland.

OCTOBER

Were you aware than Benicio Del Toro likes to look pretty. I dropped my official Fall TV Schedule and Gossip Girl and FNL were the tits of the crop. I checked in on how Renee’s BitchFace recovery was coming along and was distressed by her regression. There might not be anything more we can do except to just ease her pain. I considered the box office potential of The Bucket List based solely on it’s poster. As it turns out, I was dead wrong. The movie blows and it’s tanking at the box office. I guess Rob Reiner is a bigger detraction that I thought. And a Happy Halloween from The Jay!

NOVEMBER

Were you aware that I run the Greatest Pop Culture Site Alive! Britney unleashed the most genius celebrity motto EVA! Ben Affleck Is NOT A Tool, And I Can Prove It. I drilled into the braincase of Mrs. Tom Cruise and relayed just what the one time Joey Potter was thinking as she bralessly attempted to escape captivity by running the NYC Marathon. The inevitable, but no less important, Strike post. As a favor to me, please, Support Reggie. Why does Stallone think his varnished Mahogany-bodied Reagan-era bringer of stunt-coordinated death is worthy of being compared to an ACTUAL historical icon? Take a note: He’s FABIO, bitch! I offered some runner-up excuses for all the less-attractive dude actors who lost the race for People’s Sexiest Man Alive Award to the pig-nosed Matt Damon. Ten “That’s What Se Said” Jokes about the Get Smart poster. Like I did for the third year in a row, I detailed your movie choices on Turkey Day. A photoshopped salutation from The Jay on Thanksgiving. I wondered just what in the hell is giving Keira Knightley a LemonFace. And I had some fun with the Disneyland Sign. Spoiler Alert: Tonight At The Pit, Everyone Gets Laid!

DECEMBER

There are so SO MANY things I’d rather do than go see P.S. I Love You. What kind of geek are you? I am many. In honor of the release of National Treasure: Book of Secrets, I give you even MORE signs that you’re watching a bad Nicolas Cage movie. The op-ed Jericho’s out of me when discussing the Anti-God controversy surrounding The Golden Compass. When dealing with the coming together of Veronica Mars and Summer Roberts you have to re-calibrate the cuteness scale. Because G-damn, that is the cutest picture of two cute actresses taking a cute picture of two cute actresses being cute. Ten Burning Questions About Lost Season Four. As a cheap-ass way to throw some Holiday love at my peeps, I pimped everyone’s wares. I swear to jeebus I will stab the next asshalf in the thorax who whips their Blackberry out in a movie theater. I wish a muy Happy 61st Birthday to the bearded master, Steven Spielberg. And also to his low-costing mexican substitute, Steven Spielbergo. And finally, I gave you my goals for 200JAY8, The Year of the Jay.

Now let’s get 200JAY8 on!

Bangarang!