Everything I said in my April Fool’s post, up until the end, was completely true. I don’t have the time anymore, I’ve lost interest in celebrity shenanigans, I have other projects I want to focus on, and I don’t want to not like things anymore.
But I will NOT be shutting down the website.
So technically, [...]
Posts under ‘American Idol: Season Seven’
Grading the American Idol Season Eight Top 10 on the TiVo Multi-Bloop Scale
You know what’s the best? An American Idol season where the producers pick the Themes without paying attention to the musical styles of the contestants. We had Country Night last week and no one in the Top 11 is a country artist. This week we had Motown Night and barely 3 of [...]
Grading the American Idol Season Eight Top 13 on the TiVo Multi-Bloop Scale
Oh, TiVo Multi-Bloop, how I missed you so! On those long audition rounds when I yearned for your sweet mercy. In Hollywood Week whilst enduring the aural torture that was Bikini Girl. During the Top 36 when I kept fighting the urge to grab you and Triple Bloop the bejeesus out of [...]
Happy Thanksgiving, Love The Jay!
Bangarang!
The Alternate Ending of The Idol Matrix
The Idol Matrix Part 1!
The Idol Matrix Part 2!
The Idol Matrix Part 3!
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD. – AFTERNOON
DAVID ARCHULETA runs through the streets of Hollywood. He is being chased by a horde of screaming tween girls.
He runs.
He licks his hips.
He runs.
He forgets his words.
He is tired.
He thinks of what will happen if his [...]
The American Idol Season Seven Finale Live Blog
Welcome, one and all, to the two hour David Archuleta coronation special! Sub-titled “Don’t Worry, David Cook Will Be Just Fine”.
No time for the intro, let’s get straight to the live blog! (Updates roll down, so make sure to hit refresh and scroll)
8:00 – The Davids in white, Ryan in fau-hawk, all is right [...]
Grading the American Idol Season Seven Top 2 On The TiVo Multi-Bloop Scale
Lame gimmicky Idol introductions, bad original songwriting and Simon in a collared shirt open to his smelly Euro-happy trail? Yep, must be season finale time!
I’ve been ruminating on the Battle of the Davids all week, with each looking like the clear-cut winner at various times. Cook is fraking amazing, but Archuleta has the [...]
The First Idol Matrix Was A Perfect Show
The Idol Matrix Part 1!
The Idol Matrix Part 2!
INT. AMERICAN IDOL PRODUCTION OFFICE – DAY
Simon Cowell stands, staring out a window at the American Idol stage below, shimmering with brilliant stage lights.
SIMON COWELL: Have you ever stood and stared at it, David? Marveled at its beauty. Its genius. Billions of people [...]
Grading the American Idol Season Seven Top 3 On The TiVo Multi-Bloop Scale
I could not have been more bored by last night’s episode. I wrote a positive piece on Sarah Jessica Parker (!) instead of giving Idol my full attention. And without even looking at the screen the entire time, I was STILL rolling my eyes from the massive gratuitousness of the whole [...]
The Idol Matrix Can’t Tell You Who You Are
INT. ELEVATOR
Davids Cook and Archuleta ride the elevator on their way to see Paula Abdul. The idea of learning one’s fate begins to weigh upon David Archuleta with a steadily growing unease.
DAVID ARCHULETA: So is this the same Paula Abdul that made the, uh, prophecy?
DAVID COOK: Yes. She’s very old. [...]
